To think this isn’t cliquey?

Joking apart, in a school context I think that there can be an issue if the parents’ friendship means that the kids only play with each other eg it’s easier to arrange a play date with your mate than the Mum of another child who is not in your close social circle. As long as that doesn’t happen, people have to accept that friendships form.

However I am still highly amused at this mother deciding that the time to complain about being excluded was when she was invited to an event!

If you truly want them to join, make an effort

But effort goes BOTH WAYS. @TheIvyRestaurant clearly says that at the start, meet-ups were arranged for anyone who wanted to attend, and this shit-stirring woman was invited lots of times and didn't come along.

It is a bit rich of her or anyone to expect the OP and her friends to go out of their way to talk to or include people who have made it crystal clear that they are not interested. Similarly to striking up conversation at the school gate, if you stand there with a face like a slapped arse, not making any attempt to strike up conversation then you have no room to whinge that nobody makes the effort to speak to you.

It's always the same, nobody speaks to me at the school gate, everyone's friends already, I just stand in the corner and look at my phone - then wah wah nobody is my friend.

She's a grown adult who moved to a new area and was made to feel welcome I'm sure she's been just as accommodating to others and didn't need to be told to ask them about themselves or show interest it seems unlikely she's not already done that.

It’s called manners. But also, if OP and the other mums genuinely want to extend the social invites and have more mums come, then they need to make an effort to act inclusively.

Why are they still inviting other mums to come if making no effort with them otherwise?

Ha could have written this. Our group is seen as cliquey evolved in the same way. The ones that turned up! Our kids now left school and we still great friends and see each other all the time. If you want friends go to the class drinks is the message here!

I think the problem here is ( I'm presuming) a whole class WhatsApp group? Delete the group!
Problem solved 😁

The large group is the parents (mums?) in the year/class. Nothing to do with friendship. Friends are people who like each other and get along, maybe go out for drinks.
I'm still friends with a group of mums from primary and DS is now in Y13. Certainly not still meeting up with the whole class!

I'd be inclined to pop it back to the clique caller - ask her what she fancies organising for the next night out.

Perhaps, that’s why I was asking her. You’ve assumed she has without knowing.

Just post a shorter and sweeter version of what you have written here ( no mention of complainer )

and carry on inviting everyone, we do polls to vote for which date suits most people and you can clearly see who is coming who is declining and the most popular date in the poll wins

that way transparency and straightforward

We have a different interpretation. I don't think a clique is particularly mean, more like exclusive.

Is it possible that while you’ve been developing friendships you’ve inadvertently made others (less extroverted) feel excluded?
Do you include others in your conversations if they’re nearby? Do you ask them questions? Or do you turn and just talk to your mates?

It's not up to the OP to manage the feelings and social interactions of others. I really wish we would stopping telling (or implying) that women need to 'be kind' all of the time.

If you truly want them to join, make an effort
and branch out. Try starting new conversations with mums who aren’t your friends. Show genuine interest in them.

There's literally nothing to suggest the op and her friends have not done that on many occasions over the past few years. At what point do they concede that people aren't interested and they should stop trying it. Or do they just continue indefinitely in which case that's borderline harassment.

No, you're completely misinterpreting what I'm saying and have deliberately ignored the first paragraph. I said that she's free to do what she wants.

Being free to do what you want doesn't mean you have to do anything.

Nah yanbu. Of course you're allowed to meet your friends. Don't give her a second thought.
These group meet ups were arranged when my 2nd was starting school and I ( as an anti social introvert) made an effort to go to one group meet up. I really had to push myself out of my comfort zone. I didn't enjoy it. So I didn't go again. I'm sure others made long term friends out of such meet ups and I wouldn't begrudge them that!

And boarderline creepy. Can imagine the response on here is someone posted that a group of school mums had been trying to engage them into meeting for four years? They would range between "tell them politely that you are not interested" and "you'll have to move house, change dc's school and all your identies" these people are obviously deranged stalkers who will never leave you alone.

I’m not sure it’s the OED def but my understanding of clique is a deliberately and meanly exclusive group. This is not that.

op, I too found that some mums behaved like children themselves. I did not join in at school as had little time, but I certainly never resented the other parents their friendships, and would happily tag onto chats when I saw them.

i think it’s called being an adult.

I had a group of mum friends when my DC were at primary school. 30 years on, we are all still friends. We used to go to the local pub once a week on a Thursday night, and everyone was invited, but as time went on it was just 6 of us, so we were probably regarded as the clique.

YANBU to still meet up a socialise as a 6 - you’re friends!

BUT perhaps have a reflect and think about why she said that and why people don’t join. Is it possible that while you’ve been developing friendships you’ve inadvertently made others (less extroverted) feel excluded?

Do you include others in your conversations if they’re nearby? Do you ask them questions? Or do you turn and just talk to your mates?

We have a clique at school of around that many mums. They’re clearly close friends, some knew each other before school, some not. We joined the school later on and they made zero effort to get to know us, no returning curiosity or interest in me. So I soon gave up. They would stand right next to me and turn their back to talk to each other, making me feel like shit. I’m not sure if they realised or not.

If you truly want them to join, make an effort
and branch out. Try starting new conversations with mums who aren’t your friends. Show genuine interest in them.

If you aren’t bothered, that’s fine, but why still try to arrange class get togethers? It’s disingenuous.

So @username299 are you saying that they should never meet as a six? They must always be open to having more people join?

She's asking if what's she's doing is cliquey. IMO being in a tight knit friendship group, no one else can join is cliquey.

No, and I always think similar on here when there are posts about people feeling left out from things - how much effort did they put in?

I had a very similar group - originally there were about 12 of us but with such a big group it was a nightmare to find dates that everyone could make to meet up, and inevitably it was the same people who always dropped out, so the 6 of us who did always make the effort formed a different WA group and we now decide a date we can all do amongst ourselves. Sometimes (but not always) we do then tell the others so they can come if they want, but if they say 'Oh I can't make that date,' it's a 'Aw that's a shame, see you next time,' rather than rearrange for them.

I imagine perhaps they might feel left out if they saw us out without them and cry 'clique' but there's a limit to the leeway you can give. Everyone drops out of or can't make things now and again, but if you're frequently doing it, last minute, aren't apologetic and never make the effort to organise anything yourself (so don't realise what a faff it can be for large groups), you have to take some responsibility when people cba to include you.

Then you have a very unusual perception of what friendship groups are.

They expect you not to form any friendships at all, because if they can't be arsed to involve themselves in nights out or are too socially awkward to do so, none of the rest of you should be allowed to enjoy yourselves either because it makes them feel bad. Baffling is the right word for it.

She sounds like an absolute shit stirrer. Have you pointed out the times that nights out were organised and people never replied / bailed?