To think this isn’t cliquey?

So you would book a table for 25 people every time despite knowing that only 6 people are reliably going to show up?

They only don’t invite people to every gathering because people were not attending or cancelling. They still send invites to separate gatherings for the larger group which means they are not a clique (clique meaning - a small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them)

For the next all class invitation I'd say "we have to pay a deposit, it will be booked on x-date, on y-date [x plus 2 days] we'll book for everyone who has paid"

Then when it's booked confirm in the WA group how many are booked in.

When it happens post photos "so great to have a night out".

Rinse and repeat

I am in several cliques too. With friends.

I guess I'm in several cliques then.
There are a few ex colleagues that I socialise with but we don't invite the entire department.
There are people from my hobby that I see independently without involving the whole club.
I'm still in touch with a few parents of my DC's primary school friends even though our offspring are now at University, but we don't call every parent who had a kid in their class if we're meeting up.
So I suppose they're my cliques, or as I prefer to call them, friends.
We all come into contact with different groups of people throughout our lives. Some of them will be no more than transient acquaintances, some will become lifelong friends and some will be somewhere in between.
I know that there are other groups of friends from my workplace/sports club etc that don't include me. But we're all grown ups and nobody makes a fuss. Not being invited to "official" events like a work Christmas Do or club end of season party would be hurtful and unfair - they are events that are intended for the whole group. But people are allowed to have personal friendships within groups and subgroups tend to form naturally over time. There's nothing wrong with that and it sounds like some of your wider group are being unreasonable OP. I'd just ignore it though - don't feed any drama. If you were using the "big" WhatsApp group to arrange meet ups for just a few then they'd have a point but you're not, you've developed some closer friends and communicate with them independently. You're entitled to see your friends separately.

If you dont want to attend a social, don't
That's not wet or even unusual. Each to her own.

But if you then complain about people making friends at the social and doing stuff as a smaller group, afraid I do consider you wet. That is what OP is talking about.

Thats not a clique...thats 6 friends having a night out together and a catch up in the play ground.
When I picked my son up from school I stood with people I knew and chatted to them for five minutes.If someone wanted to come over and join in the conversation then that would be fine also.

Ignore the sarcastic comment.

If you are too wet to join in group convos or attend a social, it's not anyone's job to hold your hand. Unless they are paid to do it.

Hang on, weren't you the one complaining that MN hates extroverts? And you think labelling people who aren't as "wet" has nothing to do with that?

I'm not too "wet" to attend a social. I choose not to join some social situations because I don't enjoy them. I join in a group conversation where I have something to add to it. Spending an evening talking about my child's achievements isn't my bag. I don't have stories about that time we were so drunk we fell down the stairs. Listening to a group complaining about other children or teaching staff who have been nothing but kind to me, isn't something I want to join in with. And even when others did try to do that, they would respond with silence and start off all over again.

I have no issue with anyone who enjoys that kind of thing, fair play to them, those are their experiences. If they have a problem with the fact that people prefer not to sit and watch them doing that, that's on them.

This thread has kept me very entertained wasted time when I should be working!

OP YADNBU, of course friendships form naturally and no one owes anyone anything.

My two cents though - why did another mum chime in and say she’d noticed there’s a clique? What were the other responses on the group? And how was it left?! My school WhatsApp group is dull and I’d love a bit of drama like this.

Also, you haven’t come across very well towards the end of the thread, so perhaps you are in fact unapproachable, bullish and annoying, so people avoid your nights out. But that might be completely incorrect.

Finally, what would you think if, say 2 or 3 of your group of 6 met up without you?

We have different groups of parents who are friends with each other. It’s not that weird? Surely that’s a very normal way of doing things - just like kids aren’t best friends with everyone they have friendship groups

Why should I leave the WhatsApp group? I’ve done nothing wrong and it’s useful to stay in

Then you need to accept some in that group have an opinion of you that you don't like. Many people still manage to remember to bring £1 to school without a WhatsApp group, but if it's useful to you, stay there and expect people to post stuff about you.

So I should just persist speaking to people who clearly aren’t interested in having a conversation? Thats not friendly that’s creepy

Nope. But writing them off as not being bothered to make an effort is not being friendly. Maybe it is something about how you approach them, maybe they are having a bad day, maybe they're listeners instead of talkers, maybe you aren't great at reading people, there are dozens of reasons why this interaction isn't what you expected it to be. That's ok and you can react how you want to, but judging them isn't being friendly.

FFS be a grown up and join in - and then don’t moan if you don’t wanna go but others do!

"I'm anything but unfriendly"

I am a grown up. I manage social situations fine. I also don't moan if I don't want to go.

I'm giving you the insight of someone who was on the other end of this situation, letting you know one reason numbers might dwindle over time, and your response is to insult me. You have come out swinging, on the defensive, then turned it to attacking. If you can't see why you are contributing to the problem, things will remain the same.

Ask yourself this. If you are so sure, so certain you are doing nothing wrong, and this other mum is just being entirely unreasonable, why would it bother you that she said you were in a clique? Just own it and move on. A simple response of "it's a whole group invite" will suffice. Why do you care so much what she thinks? You think you are in the right so what's the problem? Or, has she hit on something that deep down you are bothered about? Only you know the answer to that. Use that answer to shape your response.

I think some people have weird ideas about group dynamics. When you are out with a larger group of 10 or more people, in any group I have been in, there are multiple conversations going on, it's not one single conversation with a couple of people dominating and others sitting there meekly waiting for their chance to chip in. If there's someone along the table being loud and annoying, then you turn to the person next to you or across the table and speak to them. Surely?

Well I stand corrected about the word ' spectating". Never heard it used as a verb that way, but I was wrong.
I stand by the rest of my post.
If you are too wet to join in group convos or attend a social, it's not anyone's job to hold your hand. Unless they are paid to do it.

This is a classic example of how extroverts are demonised on MN and introverts are deep, worthy individuals.

This is a classic example of taking one comment and using it to demonise an entire forum, to suit your own conformation bias.

Why were you " spectating", whatever that means? Speculating? If you felt that convos were being monopolised, why not join in instead of rolling your eyes?

We were (largely) spectating because it was impossible to do anything else. If you have found yourself in a group conversation like this, and think you can just join in, then you are the one who is doing the monopolising. We rolled our eyes because it was an embarrassment.

Jamie's mum sounds like a dick. But both extroverts and introverts can be dicks.

Jamie's mum, on her own, is actually a really nice person. We now are together on a high school committee. But in that group dynamic, together with her clique, they were insufferable.

None of this is about introverts and extroverts, it is about small groups forming within a large group, and how they can be exclusionary, even when others are invited and that's why over time people choose not to go to these events.

Avoiding people because they don't make what you deem to be enough of an effort to engage, doesn't seem particularly friendly.

Jeez Louise.

What is the OP supposed to do with people who don't turn up to group meets or turn up at pre-arranged nights out? Appear at their door and drag them out? Give them an interrogation as to why they didn't come? Send endless texts? Because that would all be totally reasonable, wouldn't it?

You're just a group of friends.

And that's allowed.

Yanbu.

Don't leave the WA group.
Continue making friends with those who match your effort.

because I’m anything but unfriendly.

Avoiding people because they don't make what you deem to be enough of an effort to engage, doesn't seem particularly friendly.

Some of your responses have been quite unfriendly.

None of this is a problem, you do you and all that. I'm probably a similar person (except I'm introvert on the inside). I would describe myself as friendly when I want to be, and in most social interactions. I'd never suggest I was anything but unfriendly. I don't suffer fools and I'm sure I come across as quite rude sometimes. I couldn't care less.

Exactly. When you make friends at work, nobody quizzes you why you haven’t befriended the whole office!

I disagree. There was a group of women who always went out for lunch together, I wasn;t invited (not a problem to me, I'd rather stick hot pins in my eyes than do that) but a few of the bosses have commented to me about it, and they did invite me once, after a boss had commented to me about it so I presume he did the same to them.

One of our offices upstairs is entirely guys. About half of them go out for lunch together and again, the bosses have asked why the others aren't going with them.