To be honest when I resign

I would resign with some honesty. You have nothing to lose and it might help you to move on emotionally and give her a few pointers when she's looking for her next Nanny!
I would advise though OP that you get much more detail written into your next contract such as travel expenses and salary date etc. You could request a Nanny expenses card, like a prepaid debit card, which are popular with Nannies that I know, that the parents top up to pay for daily expenses like bus fares and entry into playgroups etc. Sounds like you've learnt a lot with this family so use this when you get your next job. Good luck!

It will gain you nothing beyond a momentary sense of satisfaction, and there is a huge risk of it turning into something nasty. Even if you don't need references, it is better to leave on good terms rather than with cross words.

Just tell her rather obliquely that you think they really need something different, and then let her work out over time that that means a doormat that actually won't teach her DD any of the early life lessons she would benefit from.

You need to invoice her for additional travel costs too. If you have a bus season ticket, then obviously there are no extra costs, but costs you would not otherwise incur should be paid.

Please be honest why you are leaving. That's the minimum I think you should do.

There are some people who there should be a blacklist for. I wonder if the mum is as unreasonable at her work?

You can if you feel like it and will make you feel better, and you have been paid.

"You dont pay me as agreed, you change my schedule to suit you, you expect me to pay your childs expenses, and you are generally an unpleasant employer. I dont need this job, and good luck finding anyone who will put up with you."

Then block.

I would. Otherwise the next person and the next person will be treated the same. So I'd do it for them, and for stability for the child. And also so that I could say 'I discussed these issues with her' if you're trying to get another job with someone she knows and they say they heard that you left without any explanation etc. And what have you got to lose? If you're going to leave anyway you could always just put forward a load of conditions where you can leave if they aren't met eg
Paid a week in advance (carried over if you're off)
Petty cash for days out (no days out if not topped up)
Days out on public transport every other day only, local outings only other days, one day a week from home
Etc

Whatever you do, make sure you get reimbursed for your travel expenses when taking the child out. I’d have said no to that after the first time of not being paid back. It’s piss taking to expect you to cover that.

A friend of my mother’s is like this. Lives in a large Manor House on a large estate and has been through umpteen wonderful Filipino staff. Demanding, ridiculous, micromanage-y, pays late, constant changing of parameters. Then says ‘oh darling it’s positively GHAAAASTLY trying to find staff these days’. She doesn’t know she’s the problem. Don’t bother being honest, she won’t listen.

I wouldn't - she can ruin the reference and it's just not worth it. I get that you want to but protect yourself by not saying anything.

What’s your notice period?

Write her a note and hand it to her as you skip away! She isn’t doing her child any favours.

She sounds awful. I'd tell her why, as above for her daughters sake.

Agreed. There is no point. It'll backfire and she won't get it. You should have been more open about asking for expenses.

That job sounds awful! I would be honest (in a nice way) so she at least has the feedback and the opportunity to change.

This.

I'd make sure whatever I did was the most inconvenient to her. I.e. just not show up the day after she pays you.
UNLESS you have hopes to get your travel expenses, etc, in which case, resign in the most regretful way possible (but with v short notice), let her woo you back, get your dosh and then bin her off! 😉

She won't change. Just leave and never look back.

You can also tell her in advance that you need to know the days by previous Thursday for the coming week (presumably you’ve agreed to work flexibly or were there set days initially)?

As for the checking the Ring doorbell, I would do that the first couple of weeks to get an idea of a person’s punctuality, if she’s still constantly monitoring you then agree that is extremely annoying!

If you feel these things can be ironed out through conversation, you don’t need to just leave so abruptly.

I can't really understand why, with all your years of experience, you didn't set out expectations in a contract before starting. Also why you wouldn't simply invoice for expenses at the end of every week.

OP she already knows. She doesn’t care.
Don’t waste your breath or your energy.

Jeez I’m surprised you can tolerate such nonsense

I would relish in telling her where to go!

I don’t see the issue with wanting the child to do different things each day.
I don’t see the issue with a 20mins walk really… but if it bothers someone, they can always ask “do you mind if we stay home today as I’m a bit under the weather?”
Have you added the Travel expenses to your weekly invoice?

It sounds like you’re not having conversations about your own needs..?
I also used to pay my Nanny by the following Monday. But appreciate if you’ve agreed Friday evening then it’s annoying she keeps forgetting.
Friday evenings can be busy, why not agree a time for payment that suits you both Eg by midday Saturday?

You need to talk.

I think it’s fair to give her feedback. You would have an exit interview with any other employer so think it’s only fair to her to see where she needs to improve (pay etc). I understand as a mother leaving your kids in the care of someone else is difficult but watching it all on the ring is a little creepy 🙈

She probably treats her partner like shit as well - this kind of person doesn’t really get reined in!

She’s completely taking the piss.

However, I would not be honest. This kind of person won’t take it on board - she sounds arrogant and dismissive and will just think you’re the problem. Wonder how many nannies she’s been through.

I would say something really bland, such as “thank you for this opportunity. The role is not a good fit for me so I will be leaving - I would be happy to work notice of 1 week (until February 18th) - please let me know if you would like me to do this.