To ask how long you was heartbroken for after split?

Two years in for over a 20 year relationship with kids. I am in a much better place now and no longer heartbroken, but I am still adjusting to my new reality and feel sad and angry, just not the majority of the time anymore.

Among the usual quota of general boyfriends, I have had a sixth form boyfriend who was also my very Best friend (2 years) a first fiancé late teens/early twenties (2.5years), and my husband whom I met when I was 24.

When my best friend-boyfriend and I split up I felt lost and bruised, and was young and foolish enough to meet several boyfriends while on the rebound - including the first fiancé a year later. I regard that relationship ending, as the best bad thing that ever happened to me - as I realised within 6 months of breaking up that it would have never, ever worked out happily for us. We were too unsuited.

I learned from my first broken relationship that for me, getting serious with someone else, while feeling vulnerable was a disaster for me, I couldn’t be objective enough.
I dated casually for several years, after splitting up with my first fiancé, very mindful of not getting serious again, until meeting my husband (currently m 41 years).

It is of course different for everyone. You have to be very honest with yourself.
It certainly helped me cope, even though I was lonely at intervals, I realised plunging straight back in was not the answer for me, until I was in a genuinely better place.

Give yourself a break Jill. Don't feel bitter. He sounds like such an absolute deadleg he won't have had a bloody clue what he was doing. Pleased that you are free of that sack of shite.

Relationship 1, i was the one that ended it due to domestic abuse, wasn't heartbroken but relieved, though 14 years on not out the other side as have PTSD.
Relationship 2, also emotionally/financially abusive, he ended it citing his depression, but dangled the getting back together carrot for 3 years whilst i put my own needs second and would go up to 2 weeks at a time with not a single message. After failed promises yet again i confronted him new years day 2018 for treating me like shit and using me for money, got ghosted. Waited 2 weeks for an apology, willing to forgive and work on being together if he put in the effort, got nothing, and felt relief again, that i had my black and white answer that i was nothing to him and i could move on. But i'm bitter he knew he had no intention of getting back together and used my still loving him for 3 years to get every penny he could out of me.

I think it varies hugely. When I was younger it took way longer (hormones etc made it seem way worse than it was) so it took over a year for some relationships. My most recent ones not so much, when I split from my sons dad I was over it within a month because I’d already emotionally checked our because he was so horrible.

I read that generally it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it, so 2 years, it’ll take a year etc. But I don’t really think thats true.

4 years and yes

Just 6 years no biggie

Sometimes I think you can say that a choice you make is the best thing, but a lot of the time I think that a choice is just a choice. You don't know if the other choice would have been better or not as you didn't go down that path. There is no point agonizing over choices not made. It is what it is and what has happened has happened.

I would however say that the best choice is rarely based purely on what gives us least personal emotional pain. It is in the nature of endings that they are painful, otherwise they wouldn't be ending. That doesn't mean they should be avoided.

With my first boyfriend it was at least 3 or 4 months. I was utterly bereft (not helped by him moving on to my best friend!).

An ex partner probably a 2/3 weeks until I realised how much of a step I’d taken to un-fuck my life by leaving him, as trying as the current circumstances were.

I’m a chronic over thinker so I’m sure I could make it a lot easier for myself though.

Long time with my exH (20 years). It went from shock to sadness but I was feeling okay after about a year.

Probably, but I'll never know how it would have turned out I suppose. I've only been broken up with once. I guess he love-bombed me hard, so 6 months in I was way more attached than I should have been and he had painted a fantasy about my future so vividly that I believed in it. Then it was all swept away in an instant, like it had never happened.

The acute stage of feeling like I would never stop crying lasted maybe a month.
The depression and longing for him to come back about 6 months.
It was a couple of years before I could trust anyone again.

No time, just felt relief. He wasn't worthy of any more of my mental space. He took enough of it whilst we were married.

Can't be sure. It blurs with time and I think it depends on how long you've been with them, whether you lived together, had dcs etc. Also depends on the reason you split up. Also your individual resolve or strength as a person to move on.
Sorry that's not what you wanted to hear. I very very occasionally think of my ex which surprises me and then I remind myself of one particular financially shit thing I found out about after he left and realised that he wasn't all that after all. Don't remember them as they first were but the person they've become.

I love this, you've got it right.

It doesn't matter. It happened. The more time you spend analysing whether it was the best thing, the longer it will take to get over it.

Zero seconds. I think half the train heard my exclaims of oh thank fuck for that, when he rang to tell me that if I didn't change my ways our marriage was over. The marriage was dead long before that anyway I was just too withdrawn into myself from years of abuse to leave.

Probably a year or more to feel fully OK and safe to commit again.

It was several years for me. Eventually I realised that I was not letting myself heal, I was continually going over what had happened and I think I did that because if I was to let myself heal I would be "off guard" and risk the same happening again.
Eventually I met a great bloke and let him sweep me off my feet. We've been married for 17 years.

2 years and counting. It was a 20 year relationship. Abusive for the last 4 years. Has completely screwed me up. I don't cry or mope but he'll always be in my head one way or another. I'll always have the scars.

Pretty much this. He lives in my head.

It depends so much on the relationship and on you as a person. My last break up it took around 6 months I’d say?

The worst bit of it, probably 3-4 months. After that I notice that while I can still be sad about it, I am starting to move on.

Usually a couple weeks.

I'm really good at breakups. I cut all contact immediately, chuck away photos/mementos, and get busy doing new things, meeting new people, hanging with friends, and lean on music. Obviously there are still feelings for a little while but I don't stoke the fire by reminiscing or reading old messages or going on about it. I just keep my eyes forward.

Four years , until I met my new partner