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Original poster

My partner, my DSD, our unborn baby and our financial split/responsibilities

439 replies

Newmum770 · 11/02/2025 09:32

Myself and my partner live together, my partner has a DD (DSD to me) who stays with us every weekend (sometimes in the week as well if DD asked to stay longer). He gets cheaper rent as it is from a family member so we agreed when I moved in, he would continue to pay the rent (as this wouldn’t not change) and I would pay 50% of the bills. We are expecting a baby later this year:

We like to go out for food and do activities whilst my DSD here however my partner seems to expect me to pay 50:50. There have been occasions where she has been with us in the week however because he is at work, when we have been out to do things I have paid 100% but my partner doesn’t offer to reimburse me.
He had had a tough couple of months with money so I have helped where possible and I was eager to begin preparing for the baby so far I have bought everything baby related. As he has not had spare money to be able to contribute.

My partner pays a monthly child support fee to his ex partner without fail (I am not suggesting he ever stop paying that as it’s his responsibility)
But to be quite honest, I feel he should be paying for his DD whilst she stays with us. Am I being unreasonable? I just don’t think this should be my responsibility as well as trying to prepare for our baby on the way. At the moment it feels like he is contributing towards one child and not the other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum770 · 11/02/2025 10:13

I really have no issue covering treats here and there, I’m not a complete tight arse.
But over a period of time £20/£30 here and there bloody adds up

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum770 · 11/02/2025 10:12

not EOW, every week, plus additional days in the week when requested. So January say she stayed with us 1 week and all weekends… in which I ended up spending around £260 extra.. as my partner had not been paid yet. However when he was as paid, nothing was given back

OP posts:
Goldengirl123 · 11/02/2025 10:10

How on earth are you spending £200 pm when she is only there every other w/e?????

Original poster
Newmum770 · 11/02/2025 10:10

Just to add an example,
I asked my partner this month if we could both put some money into a “baby” pot so that when I am buying things is shared. To which my partner said he couldn’t contribute and would be able to next month. No issue at all until…

I took my DSD shopping for clothes, she said she needed tops/leggings as she had none here. I told my DP, and said she had x amount pocket money but was he happy to get more clothes for her (knowing his financial situation) he said yes… I spent £60 and he gave the money back. Again no issue…
Last weekend my DP said we needed to go shopping again as DSD “had no clothes” so although unable to contribute to anything baby related was willing to spend another £50 on clothes that really were not needed.

OP posts:
SonK · 11/02/2025 10:09

No, you shouldn't be covering his daughter - he should be paying the bulk of it and offering you the money that way you don't have to get awkward and ask for it each time.

If course if I were in your position I wouldn't mind covering treats and a meal here and there, pressies etc. but he should be covering the bulk of it.

Maybe he thinks you are okay with this setup.
Next time you plan a day out with DSD whether it's a meal or shopping spree, give him an idea what the general cost for the meal will be and what she needs from the mall and ASK him for it.

You need to be very clear about finances, it's no good waiting for him to reimburse you perhaps

Naunet · 11/02/2025 10:01

No, you should not be subsidising his daughter, she's his expense. Yes he should be paying half of the cost of your baby. What you pay in terms of bills is a separate issue. If when you're on maternity leave he expects you to take on all the parenting of his daughter, this is also not your job. He is the father and it's important his daughter sees him parenting her and caring for her, not just doing the fun bits.

Original poster
Newmum770 · 11/02/2025 10:01

Going to try and update as best as possible.
Our wages were about the same.

Before moving in, I was living with family saving for a deposit for a house. When asked to move in, I asked my partner for a breakdown of what I need to contribute, rent and bills included. However said that long term I would like us to save for a house.
I asked for a financial breakdown of the outgoings and it was always brushed under the carpet.
I eventually got a figure, which I’ve been paying since said discussion. As well as paying for the weekly food shop (roughly £240pm) which is roughly what half the rent is.

I was made redundant at 12 weeks pregnant (not ideal), but I have managed to get a part time role (that will cover my outgoings). I also provide beauty services from home part time which means my new salary will be lower but I’m comfortable I will have enough to support us.

its not just “Ice cream money” some months I’m paying as much as £200 towards DSD. And getting no contribution towards the baby that is on the way.

OP posts:
WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 11/02/2025 09:50

WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 11/02/2025 09:35

How old is dsd and how long have you been together? Does 50% of bills even out the rent? I'm trying to judge if your overall shares expenses are about even? Yes he should cover costs for his daughter, but it sounds like he doesn't have enough money to always be going out and treating her...?

I've realised this doesn't make much sense and it's too late to edit. I meant does 50% of bills plus dsd's costs you cover roughly equal his extra rent contribution.

Do you have very unequal incomes?

I agreed with pps, you need to sit down and look at finances and simplify this set up.

arcticpandas · 11/02/2025 09:44

It seems too complicated: Split rent AND bills. Then expect him to finance his child unless it's smaller things like an icecream out etc that I'm sure you're willing to offer.

TwentyTwentyFive · 11/02/2025 09:41

Sounds like you've got a pretty cushy deal here. You pay 50% of the bills and no rent and he pays the other 50% plus rent.

You need to decide if you're going to continue to have separate finances when the new baby arrives and pay 50/50 on everything or have joint finances. The picking and choosing and keeping score doesn't work when you're meant to be a family.

Mangoesintoapub · 11/02/2025 09:39

Why aren’t you paying any of the rent?

(I’m all for generosity and sharing and generally find the idea of separate finances when you’re having a baby a bit miserable- although obviously each other own- but I don’t see how you can accept the unfair split when it’s in your favour then quibble about who’s paying for a child’s ice cream.)

You should both being paying for things for the new baby but again, see my point about the rent. Either have separate finances or don’t.

Catza · 11/02/2025 09:36

At the moment it feels like he is contributing towards one child and not the other.

At the moment he only has one child. And he contributes towards the other by paying 100% of the rent. You muddied the waters with your financial split. You either need to split all outgoings or have pooled finances.

WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 11/02/2025 09:35

How old is dsd and how long have you been together? Does 50% of bills even out the rent? I'm trying to judge if your overall shares expenses are about even? Yes he should cover costs for his daughter, but it sounds like he doesn't have enough money to always be going out and treating her...?

caffelattetogo · 11/02/2025 09:34

So he pays all rent but you only pay half of bills? How much do you both earn?