My partner, my DSD, our unborn baby and our financial split/responsibilities

I think there are probably bigger conversations to have other than simply who pays for bits for the DSD.

You're having a child together - you're a family. You need to have a really honest conversation about finances, including attitudes to money and future plans, before resentment starts to get a hold.

If you're not married, then you really need to think about what would happen if you found yourself without somewhere to live.

You've chosen to have a baby with a man who can barely afford his first. You're going to be paying more ongoing. You're going to have to suck it up unfortunately. Sorry, OP.

I think this is all abit muddled now you are expecting a baby and are about to become a family. If you had totally separate finances I would suggest just not doing expensive things with his DD when you have her. But you seem to have separate living costs but he pays your rent. Wouldn't it be simpler to merge finances?

Can you afford your own place? Doesn't sound like he's going to contribute anything to your baby so move out and he can pay maintenance just like he does his other child. He won't be able to say he doesn't have the money and you won't be spending money on a child that isn't yours.
You're not in a fair partnership, he's using you to parent and pay for both of his children while he only partly pays for one.

I get where op is coming from I think. You previously agreed on what your contribution to living expenses would be but now theres a baby on the way and you are paying for all of those things while also covering things for your stepdaughter.

You need to have a conversation with your partner about money. Break down every expenditure. Do it now before baby comes and you are on mat leave from your beauty business.

Honestly I think you need to strip it all back and have an open and honest conversation about what finances should look like going forward. You need to get a list of all of your household/personal/family outgoings, all income, and work out what is actually fair from there.

I think now you’re having a baby together you need to sit down and properly pool your finances and work out a family budget.

Or, if you still want to keep them relatively separate, work out a “kids” budget that includes everything for baby (clothes, activities, nappies etc) and also things for step daughter come out of that budget.

But where is his money going if he is totally skint and never seems to be covering extras - might be better with a joint account, work out what goes in there and then pay stuff out of there for joint expenses so long as you agree what those are - he may need to put extra in for his daughter. I would be worried about hidden debts to be honest - CC etc

It sounds like he needs to get over his guilt and stop spoiling his daughter.

If she's got no clothes despite you buying them, it's because she's taken them to Mom's. So she needs to bring clothes with her otherwise it's emergency shop at the charity shop.

Sounds like you need to sit down and go through the money breakdown again. What happens when your on maternity with little cash?

You muddied the water by not paying half the rent and only half the bills - tbf, you do have a better deal, if you dont want to pay for stepchild - just tell him you have no money and he will have to do it. Outrageous he doesnt contribute towards the baby either tho - but really, you do know babies dont need much to start with - sedan hand/almost new is great. I think the issue here is you are also seeing your stepchild as not really your child (fair enough) - so why should you pay. I get it (a little bit). i would pay half the rent as well tbf - i can imagine him thinking it's very unfair that you only pay half the rent AND half the bills, then want to complain about paying for dsd.

I don’t think it’s just a problem where the OP is “bad with money “ or can’t afford these things I’m more reading that she feels she shouldn’t HAVE to pay for them . And I agree she shouldn’t .

She seems to have a dp problem rather than a financial problem .

You need to pay 50% of the rent and then you’ll have the moral high ground you’re after

It’s not about what you can afford, it’s about him financially supporting two children. The simplest way to do that is to work out your household costs, plus the costs for his daughter and what you need for the baby and you both split that in half and pay half each. If he can’t afford his half you either cut your cloth accordingly or he needs to increase his earning capacity. If you’re already covering costs for his daughter and the costs of the baby you’re quickly going to run out of money and feel resentment that you’re carrying the can financially.

Also start now to plan for maternity leave, that should be a joint expense, rather than you saving to make up your half of household costs when you’re on maternity pay.

What is it you're buying for he baby? They need very little. You can get almost everything second-hand much cheaper. We just bought a mattress and a carseat new.

Even if you can afford it, the principle should be that it's a shared expense because it's a shared baby.

You need to start sharing all money and all bills before the baby arrives. If you don't, he will start thinking that paying for the baby and supporting you financially is optional.

You need an honest conversation about finance before the baby comes along and you're too tired to discuss it. Discuss your long term goals- will you be buying a house together, or just in your name, or not at all now etc. Draw up a budget. You don't need to discuss this bit but make sure child benefit for the new baby (if you qualify) gets paid into your account, not his. Don't spend money on DSD and ask for it back, instead get your partner to withdraw some cash and keep it in an envelope that you can use when she comes to stay.

We both pay for all the kids some money goes back to eachother some money doesn't. We share a child also. To us they our just our kids they need what they need and whoever has the money pays. At the moment he pays all the bills and I pay what I can whilst the baby is small when I go back to work I'll pay more for whatever needs paying. No one keeps a running total we are a partnership and the way I see it as long as everyone has what they need it doesn't matter who has paid what.

I think you need to split everything for house and baby and then you need to work out a fair way to split re DSD. Also sounds like he/you are a bit bad with money. £110 on clothes for what sounds like a young child in a fortnight? If you're having a baby and struggling to afford that should be buying things on Vinted etc to save money. I recently bought 3 x leggings, 2 x jumper and 1 x pjs for £30 on vinted for DSD (9), all brand new or barely worn. Also who can afford to go out for food/outings every weekend when you can't afford a baby that is due soon? I think you both need to sit down and seriously work out finances and a sensible approach to money. Really this should have been done before deciding to have a baby.

This doesn’t sound like much of a partnership, having to pay % of money back for meals out, clothes and other items.

If you have separate bank accounts, you should both pay X amount (based on what you earn) into a joint account for rent, bills, and other items .. including baby stuff). All joint expenses come out of that.

Could you casually remind him at those moments? Simply say "Oh I will need another £50 for the baby as well - I m going to grab some bits for them"

If he says he doesn't have then say I think we need to have a discussion about this later tonight and highlight the issue with him. Tell him you think it's unfair he is not contributing