My partner, my DSD, our unborn baby and our financial split/responsibilities

do not set up a joint account when his finances are in such a mess. he needs to sort out his debts first.

your better off going back to your parents and continuing to save for your mortgage there.

Don't agree when shes doing all weekly shopping which she says adds up to 50% of the rent.

Stop buying baby things, stop buying for your DSD. Whenever something needs to be bought for DSD ask your DP and when he says yes also mentions something needed for the baby.
For ex: dsd wants £50 for clothes, he gives you -£50, then mention a baby item. Either he has £50 more, great, or he says he has no more, in which case you tell him that the £50 will need to be split in half as both kids have needs.

You both just need to sit down and do a spreadsheet of both incoming and outgoings.
Then work out what you can both afford to contribute to rent/bills/savings and so on.
Make it fair.
It doesn't matter that he rents from friends or family .
Then hopefully he will plan enough money for both his children .
It sounds like saving for a house should probably be shelved until things settle down a bit financially for both of you .

What does he actually say when you ask where his money’s going?

If he’s used to weekly wages would he be up for you getting his salary, paying the essentials, then giving him a weekly allowance from what’s left over minus savings?

After reading your first post I would have advised you to merge finances. Now I would recommend a mix of shared pots and separate savings.
He sounds quite disorganised about money, and tbh not really in a position to be expanding his family.
I would be quite uncomfortable living in a situation where I didn’t know the committed outgoings, rent, CT, utilities, subscriptions etc.
You really do need to sit down and have a long conversation, from future financial plans and attitudes to nitty gritty details of spend.
There is a danger that even if he is much more transparent and you develop a plan he will then let you take the responsibility and be able to go on spending as he feels like.
He really needs to tackle the debt properly and try to reduce it before you are on maternity leave.
You may decide that the imbalance in attitudes to money means that you would be better apart and in control.

Sorry OP but I think you are in for a rough ride with him.
Debts, often not contributing to his daughters clothes etc(why don’t you take the new clothes off her and put the ones she arrived in back on so they new ones don’t go to her Mums)borrowing money frequently from you and not even thinking about contributing to his new child’s needs.
And no financial transparency from him.
He's risky.
I would be telling him you need a full and frank conversation about his finances.
You need to know exactly what the hell is going on there.

Currently pregnant with baby number 4 here. Got rid of all my baby stuff after number 3 years ago..From experience you are way over buying and over thinking the stuff you need. People will buy you things and most products you don't really need. All I have is some nappies, some babygros, some vests, some muslins , somewhere for baby to sleep and a car seat to bring them back from hospital. That's all you need to start with. You can add bits when baby is here or borrow things for the short time the baby need them i.e play mat, bouncer etc. Things are easily accessible and plenty of them.

You’re both on completely different pages. He’s apparently currently sinking in debt to the point that he’s running out of money, not paying bills and needs your help and you’re talking about not wanting your child to go to school in that area and saving for a house.

If he’s struggling with money when living in a family owned home with a big rent reduction with one child, how do you think he’s going to save toward a deposit and pay a mortgage and all the extra costs associated with owning with two children?

This is madness, it’s like you don’t know each other or are living completely different lives.

Hi OP - it's not you, it's him

Clearly there are things financially you are unaware of - even after paying rent, half the bills plus CSM - he should have a lot left over and be contributing towards baby and paying extras for his daughter- so somewhere along the line you haven't got a full picture- he's either got loads of debt or a nasty 'habit' or a humongous car lease etc or is the kind that spends £10 a day on lunches without thinking about it as it simply doesn't add up.

I would be frank and tell him you need a family power wow with all cards and statements on the table- in the meantime I'm sorry but I would do a credit enquiry on him -

My view is if you are having a baby with him and paying out for his DSD you want to know the full score - better to find out something now if that's the case

The other thing is could he be lying about his income to big himself up in your eyes?

It needs to be 100% of what the rent would be because he's paying 100% of the rent.

So, you say you pay c£240 pm on food (which presumably includes food for the DSD).

Rent is £500
Bills £300

He pays £500+£150 = £650

You pay zero rent, £150 bills, £240 food. So you're paying £390.

I actually agree that because his DSD lives there, and you cover the food for all of you, and some of the bills will be increased by her being there (more hot water, more cooking, more heating and lighting) then him paying all the rent is actually fair.

BUT - I don't think you should then pay another £200+ on going out. If the going out is £500 pm, he should pay two thirds of that. But, you should probably go out less, it seems like a lot. As you have DSD with you so much and you're now working part time, now is the time to knock up casseroles, ragu, pizzas etc at home.

Or, he can take his DC out while you stay at home, he pays for the two of them then.

Re the baby, of course he should be helping fund the arrangements. Tell him how much it is and ask for half.

Going forward you need to agree a solution to this. With my ex who had DC, ignoring rent/mortgage, we both paid 50% of the monthly family costs into an account and paid everything from there. He paid an extra £100pm to cover the extra food and increased bills created by his DC living with us.

Good lord OP, you are having a child with someone who is in debt, can’t afford his current child and expenses and doesn’t sound he can afford his new baby. He can’t even afford his expenses considering his rent is way lower than market value. I would NOT be joining my finances with a man like this and would frankly be leaving and expecting him to pay child support for the baby. Hiding your financial affairs from your partner is not normal. Get rid of him and go back to your parents until you are able to save for a house. Your own house. And do not ever again have babies with men who are hiding things from you. You have put yourself in quite a vulnerable position.

Even with spending some time with you and DH, looks like the majority of the time is spend with the mother. £300 doesn't even start to cover the cost of bringing up a child per month. It's not a heroic thing to pay £300 per month.

Why are you having a baby with someone you’re not married to, don’t even share finances with and when you don’t even have a stable home situation?

Whatever you do - think twice then think again before you buy a property with him.

Yes me and my DP are fully open about financials. joint pot we put in equally (we earn exactly the same wage as same company/level) separate finances for personal spends, discussion on big purchases equal split etc.

OP You keep dripfeeding little bits of info the latest being he's not paid a bill. These are big alarm bells that someone has debt issues they can't manage and/or something like a gambling addiction

You should be fully open and have these discussions before creating a baby with someone. You sound otherwise like a really sensible, driven woman but seem to have this blindspot about your DP and his behaviour. Is this your first relationship?

I wouldn’t be prepared to print off statements and have my spending picked apart (nor would I expect my partner to) but yes, sharing income and expenditure, and debt levels, is normal.

He’s basically lied to you the whole of your relationship, let you get pregnant knowing he is in debt and cannot afford one child let alone two.

Not only are you paying 100% for your unborn child’s items you are also paying for DSC too. That doesn’t sound fair to me any anyone who thinks YABU clearly hasn’t read the whole thread.

I would think your only options are a sit down chat with him, talk finance and a FAIR split or you leave him and focus on yourself and baby. Personally I’d consider option 2