My partner, my DSD, our unborn baby and our financial split/responsibilities

Are you emitted to statutory mat pay?

Op

you are quite right in being cautious over the way this situation is developing

I would gently pull back from paying for her beyond what is reasonable ie a drink or snack when out and about

I would not necessarily bring this up yet but I would focus upon the costs of the new child and ask how yous are going to split the costs in that regard

Otherwise there’s going to be trouble ahead brewing

I have, that's how I can see it.

The fact remains you moved in with and got pregnant by a man who is in a financial mess, and you neither noticed or cared until you realised he can't afford your child. You should have had all that sorted first. Now you're not married, you've no property rights (you're not even a tenant), and he can't contribute to your shared child. He won't even tell you what's going on. You are in an extremely precarious position.

You need a joint account for joint expenses. You each pay into it a percentage of your income according to what you earn. That way nobody pays anyone back for anything. Your baby is a joint expense.

It honestly isn't much of a partnership as you describe it at the moment.

He is just not the person you think he is. You have projected your good qualities: your hard work, your ethic of responsibility, your foresight, your ability to save onto him. But this isn’t who he is. He is a chaotic fuck up who has to be rescued by a family member with subsidized housing. He invited you to move in because he “loves” you but also because he is weak and easily influenced.

Don’t even consider buying something with him or marrying him. He will destroy you financially. He is absolutely hopeless and unable to be honest about his chaotic, debt ridden, life.

I’d be inclined to believe him. It sounds like he’s just bad with money and it’s easy to spend if you’re getting stung for fees and missed payments and high interest.

If I were you I’d ask for a sit down budget planning session, no blame, just “we need to get better at budgeting if we’re going to start saving again to buy a house” and get it all out.

If he refuses then do it just for yourself, tell him how much he needs to contribute to you/the baby each month and say no to any borrowing or paying for SD.

I understand what you are saying but the facts are OP is pregnant, she’s asking for advice going forward.

Yes it’s frustrating to see people getting themselves into situations but we’re all human and sometimes overlook things that we in hindsight regret. OP is pregnant now there’s no point in the “why did you get pregnant with him” comments

You're changing your story...first you assumed no issue, then you asked but he lied....the fact remains you knew nothing about his financial situation even though the signs of trouble are all clearly there.

I don't know why women get themselves into these situations. How can you be having a baby with someone when you haven't even sorted out finances?

Honestly OP, I think you just need to arrange a couple hours where you both sit down with wage slips, bank statements and bills, discuss all of the debt he has and go through everything and come up with a fair an equal plan moving forwards together

Or (if he won’t or he is so far in a hole it’s not possible)

Keep your finances completely separate. Other than the odd treat or meal stop buying clothes and spending so much on DSD. Concentrate on yourself and baby, keep saving your money and make sure that you’ll be okay whatever happens with him.

Is he really paying cms? Have you seen it?

Because it seems strange that he's paying more than he needs to. Whilst also having her close to 50%. And also expecting you to pay hundreds of pounds on clothes and leisure.

You waited to find out, you didn't ask. "Normal people" actually find out about the basic facts of someone's life before they move in and get pregnant with them. Who would just assume?

OP I just couldn’t be with someone that’s hiding their finances from me especially considering he isn’t putting anything into the pot for your joint child. Sorry that would be it for me

I agree about the debt, it sounds like a lot and if he won't be honest you need to be very careful here.

be careful OP, do not buy a house with him etc until you know more and are extremely sure

...........but isn’t willing to be fully transparent about accounts… he is going through a debt charity to help work through this debts

Oh dear. That doesn't bode well.
I'd be very careful not to get financially entangled with this man @Newmum770 as he sounds irresponsible.

Don't marry him and don't buy a house together.

So he's a financial black hole who can't afford the child he has...
So you decided to move in with him and have a baby, without sorting all of this out? Sensible.

What will you do if you can't go back to work after having the baby?

Where did you get that from? Please do point out where OP says she begrudge her partners daughter.

Why is he paying child support to his DD's mother, if he has her 50% of the time?

I don’t get that sense from OP. She doesn’t seem to begrudge her DSD anything, she just needs her DH to step up and provide for the new baby as well.