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Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Have you never fudged the details of your life or omitted info for anonymity? So what? One is a baby I have in short term foster care, two are mine. You're not obligated to believe me.

OP posts:
HipMax · 11/02/2025 09:17

ridingfreely · 11/02/2025 09:15

Could the child not have sat on her lap ? Not ideal but better than the footwell!

No. Obviously.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:17

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:14

And you definitely have “young kids” Op!! (I was on the thread where you said that there aren’t any young kids in your family)

Show quote history

There aren't in my extended family. BTW, I don't have extended family and my sibling in infertile, so that's easy. If I was discussing extended family interactions I might have been flashing back to when we lived near the ILs.

OP posts:
HotCrossBunplease · 11/02/2025 09:17

waterrat · 11/02/2025 09:06

god some ludicrous comments.

she isn't 'selfish and lazy' for trying to find a solution to make it to a grpup if she is feeling isolated with a little one.

I personally would have put her in the back holding the baby tight/ with seatbelt etc.

I have done this in taxis which is perfectly legal - I would then have driven very slowly!

Jesus wept. If you click “see All” you can see OP explain about a million times that the back was full with her own three children in their car seats.

BigDeepBreaths · 11/02/2025 09:17

YANBU.

I recently asked a friend for a lift home from a club with my 6yo and he declined because he didnt have a spare booster seat for her and explained he didnt want to take the risk. It was a 10 min drive on roads which are all 20/30mph. So DD and I got the bus and walked in pouring rain and it was absolutely ok because I respected his boundaries and it didnt impact our friendship in the slightest.

It wasnt your job to resolve her transport issues and her reaction reveals her to be crap at adulting.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ridingfreely · 11/02/2025 09:15

Could the child not have sat on her lap ? Not ideal but better than the footwell!

HotCrossBunplease · 11/02/2025 09:15

You were absolutely not BU. 3.5 miles does seem incredibly far from a bus stop though, am wondering if that was the distance to a direct bus home for her, rather than maybe a nearer bus stop that might have then involved a change of bus.

Anyway, my suggestion would have been that she ask the host nicely if she could drive her to the bus stop. If host did not have another adult at home you could have stayed to watch the host’s child(ren) while host was doing the drop off. Not saying host should have felt obliged to do this but might have worked if everyone was feeling generous?

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 11/02/2025 09:14

Thing is, it doesn't matter if you were 'wrong' or 'right' (although you were definitely right!), it's your car, your rules. You are in charge of safety decisions in your own car: you are the one who would be charged with dangerous driving or whatever the offence is, NOT the other mum. So it's your call and always your call.

Those suggesting putting a car seat in the passenger seat and having friend sit with a toddler on her knee: in a crash, that kid would likely come flying through the car and hit the OP. That's why dogs have to be be restrained now.

There was no good solution here, apart from the friend not being silly and calling OP ahead of time to bring the 7 seater and extra seat.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:14

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:10

Very early 50s and yes, kids old enough to make me a grandma. Oh...my DD doesn't drive. lol. Guess I better keep a big car.

Show quote history

And you definitely have “young kids” Op!! (I was on the thread where you said that there aren’t any young kids in your family)

HipMax · 11/02/2025 09:14

waterrat · 11/02/2025 09:06

god some ludicrous comments.

she isn't 'selfish and lazy' for trying to find a solution to make it to a grpup if she is feeling isolated with a little one.

I personally would have put her in the back holding the baby tight/ with seatbelt etc.

I have done this in taxis which is perfectly legal - I would then have driven very slowly!

Personally you could have got into a lot of trouble, and drive slowly is being th dangerous to other road users and completely unhelpful anyway.

Digdongdoo · 11/02/2025 09:14

YANBU. Too risky. I keep a travel booster in the boot for situations like this, better than nothing, it's come in handy more times than I like. Can't understand parents being so poorly prepared though, how did she think they would get home safely? Mad.

HipMax · 11/02/2025 09:12

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:37

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Probably because that's both illegal and stupid.

Waterboatlass · 11/02/2025 09:11

You couldn't help her and that's absolutely fine. I'm sure she won't still be arsey next month. Apart from the risk if there was an accident, if you'd been pulled over by chance, I don't know what laws exactly (I don't drive for medical reasons) but I don't think the police would have taken kindly to having a child in the footwell. It's not the 70s. She should have left it when you were clear you had no seats.

I can't believe a PP said you should have arranged and paid her taxi. WTF?!

Felicityjoy · 11/02/2025 09:11

waterrat · 11/02/2025 09:06

god some ludicrous comments.

she isn't 'selfish and lazy' for trying to find a solution to make it to a grpup if she is feeling isolated with a little one.

I personally would have put her in the back holding the baby tight/ with seatbelt etc.

I have done this in taxis which is perfectly legal - I would then have driven very slowly!

OP has said there was no room in the back as her own DC were there in their car seats.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:10

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:07

Wow in your fifties with three pre schoolers and multiple adult kids… respect!

Show quote history

Very early 50s and yes, kids old enough to make me a grandma. Oh...my DD doesn't drive. lol. Guess I better keep a big car.

OP posts:
Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:07

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:04

Yes.

Show quote history

Wow in your fifties with three pre schoolers and multiple adult kids… respect!

Fingerscrossedfor2021HK · 11/02/2025 09:07

Oh my gosh you are NOT unreasonable. There is no way I would ever take a child in my car without an appropriate car seat. This includes not putting an infant in a forward facing toddler seat. Not worth the risk.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 11/02/2025 09:06

No fucking way. I once unclipped my belt for a second to pick something up from the floor. The second it clicked back into place my brother in law slammed the brakes because a car had pulled out in front of him and I still flew forward. If I'd still have been bent down I probably wouldn't be here. A child in the footwell would have been crushed.

Lesson learnt. These days if something rolls on the floor it stays there until we stop. It wouldn't even occur to me to take risks with a child's life like that.

waterrat · 11/02/2025 09:06

god some ludicrous comments.

she isn't 'selfish and lazy' for trying to find a solution to make it to a grpup if she is feeling isolated with a little one.

I personally would have put her in the back holding the baby tight/ with seatbelt etc.

I have done this in taxis which is perfectly legal - I would then have driven very slowly!

OhHellolittleone · 11/02/2025 09:05

It sounds like You just didn’t have room. If there was a space you are allowed to travel without a car seat if it is an unexpected journey.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:04

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:04

So I’m just trying to understand

you have 3 pre schoolers and all three were in car seats in the back?

Show quote history

Yes.

OP posts:
LazyArsedMagician · 11/02/2025 09:04

I would have given her a lift if the child could sit in a seat as could she. In the footwell, no way.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 09:04

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 09:02

If they weren't there would never have been an issue. It would have been easy.

Show quote history

So I’m just trying to understand

you have 3 pre schoolers and all three were in car seats in the back?

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 09:04

Auldlang · 11/02/2025 08:49

Lots of people do. I would never have the guts but it's not at all uncommon.

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I think ppls perception of risk is so funny cos there's not a chance in hell that the risk of having a toddler on a bike on a road is safer than even the original ridiculous footwell idea.

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