No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

You did the right thing @farmlife2 She should never have put you in that position.

Of course you did the right thing. I would never let a toddler sit in the footwell. It's very well her suggesting it's okay because you're not going far, and can go slowly but you can not control other drivers. I was hit while stationary at red traffic lights! They wrote off my car! We all got whiplash and I hurt my back! Also if you got caught, you would have been given points. You said no, and someone more appropriate gave a lift. That was the best thing all round wasn't it? Your friend needs to better plan ahead, especially with her child. Her main priority should be her child's safety.

Hi wagatha

Her suggestion was absolutely horrific and you were entirely correct to refuse.

The people suggesting things like putting the child in the back with an adult seatbelt or sitting with the child on her lap "holding on tightly" are almost as ridiculous as her. Also, just because it's legal in a taxi to not use a car seat doesn't make it safe at all.

The lack of knowledge surrounding car seat safety in this country, and others I'm sure, is terrible. Legal doesn't necessarily equal safe. All of my own children will be rear facing in appropriate car seats until they're at least 6 years old and do not travel in any other vehicles without their own car seats properly fitted in it.

You can switch airbags off so one of the seats could have gone in the front and the rather cheeky friend in the back with their little one on their lap. I would have considered that option but no, a footwell is utterly stupid - it would absolutely make me never let them have my child for a play date without me there if it arose in the future!

It probably shouldn't have done but that made me laugh, yep just stick your little one in the boot as though they are a bag of shopping from Tesco's!

Admittedly I'm no legal expert but surely if you'd had a crash which proved fatal for the unrestricted child in the footwell (just typing that made me shudder) you'd be the one facing potential manslaughter charges? Your car, your responsibility and absolutely not worth the risk to yourself or your friends child.

That friend would never be allowed to take my children anywhere or have them for an unsupervised play date because she clearly can’t be trusted to make responsible decisions. I would distance myself from anyone who would do this tbh. Not someone I would myself having anything in common with or trusting and that’s kind of essential in mum friends.

I wouldn't have driven her like that, no. As it was a group though, I'd have asked someone to wait with one of my DC whilst I drove her and her DC to the bus stop and came back for my DC.

Not a chance I’d have done this. So extremely dangerous. Of course it’s 99.9% chance things would be fine, but a crash can happen anytime, and that child would have been killed instantly in the footwell. I’d be wary of a friend that would even ask someone of such a thing.
Don’t doubt yourself at all. You absolutely did the right thing.

You are not being unreasonable, but, surely the most sensible thing to do would have been work as a group so one person with appropriate car seats takes CF and kids to the bus stop (before the end time) and the rest of the group watch the drivers children till they get back. Sounds like a 5 minute drive tbh so not massively disruptive.

But my mother tells me I'm too much of a stickler for rules.

Is that supposed to be an insult?

So there was no room in the car & that's the end of it isn't it?

You absolutely did the right thing here. A toddler in the footwell?! It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. How could the mother possibly protect said child in an accident? I am a real people pleaser and the very rare occasions I've said no to someone has been when they've wanted to ride in my car and not bother with a seat belt. One friend got in the back of my car and thought she didn't have to wear a seat belt. This was about fifteen years ago and she didn't know that it was a legal requirement or how dangerous it was. I said to her if you don't wear a seer belt and we're in an accident, you will shoot forward and kill my husband who's in the front seat in front of you. Oh, she said. She didn't drive at the time and had no idea.

Another time I had my three brothers in the back of the car and the one in the middle couldn't find the bit to plug his seat belt into because it was under my other brother's bum ( 🙃 😅) and he said just drive... if there's an accident my brothers will save me with their arms. I said you won't have time as you'll have shot through the windscreen. He magically found the thing and did up his seat belt!

Try not to berate yourself.....you absolutely did the right thing. The alternative outcome to your friend being moody with you is unthinkable.

@waterrat - what’s ludicrous is you thinking that is a safe and viable option. No wonder there are so many accidents on our roads if that’s your interpretation of the Highway Code. Absolutely stupid.

I'm not sure how going full detective on op's exact family set up changes the question she started this thread for - was she wrong to not transport a toddler in an illegal way. Her age/children/posting history have no impact on that central question. Surely everyone fudges details for anonymity or just for simplicity where a thread doesn't require your whole life story for others to pick apart?

As the driver it was your responsibility to ensure your passengers obeyed the law regarding seatbelts. I’m not sure I’d want to be friends with someone with that attitude to be honest. I’m amazed she even suggested it.

Don't such a weirdo stalker.

Why would OP arrange and pay for a taxi ?
Surely it's the friend's responsibility to get herself and her child home ?

Wow, so many people hard of reading on this thread!

You did the right thing, OP. If she wanted a lift, she needed to have supplied a car seat, but crucially, known in advance that you were willing and able to drive her and that you had space for both her and the child and the car seat to be fitted legally.

Don’t let her make you feel guilty! I’d be messaging her today saying that you don’t ever expect her to put you in that position again. You will not be guilt tripped into driving illegally and potentially killing her child due to her lack of planning. I’d then be expecting an apology from her. Any less and dump her. No good friend would expect this!

But you actually have 3 pre schoolers according to this thread

farmlife2 · 03/02/2025 08:02

There are no young children in my family but I do find I'm not interested in other people's non-family young children anymore. Been there, done that, so I understand where you're coming from. This time is now mine.

🤔