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Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
babyproblems · 11/02/2025 11:40

I wouldn’t have done it either. She’s put her child in danger and whilst statistically the risk is low, it’s a foolish risk to take for such a benign reason.

MsPavlichenko · 11/02/2025 11:31

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:42

Pretty standard suburban road. Pretty straight, considered a main road, but not super busy.

Hopefully it will blow over when I tell her to let me know in advance so I can plan for giving her a lift. The big car only comes out as needed. Otherwise I take the small always.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t know why you are trying to appease her in this way. You are 100% in the right here. She has no reason to expect lifts even without her insane suggestion.

Of course you can offers lift if it suits but why make yourself ever available to someone who clearly doesn’t value or respect you in the same way?

Dandeliontea123 · 11/02/2025 11:28

You have put the safety of your friend's child first. That is the responsible thing to do.

Your friend is being irresponsible by not planning ahead, assuming her child will be ok sitting in a footwell, and getting annoyed with you for pointing out the safety aspects of the situation.

pestowithwalnuts · 11/02/2025 11:25

I'm wondering why she went to the group when she knew she had no way of getting home

Zonder · 11/02/2025 11:10

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:54

Thank you all for your time with my question. It's been helpful to reflect with you.

I think I did do the right and legal thing and I will be asking my friend to let me know in advance next time, so I can bring the big car and a car seat. Then there is no issue for either of us. It gives her an option while avoiding asking me for things I am very uncomfortable with. Then I can maintain my boundaries while being available to help if needed, so she always has an option. She just has to be responsible for giving me notice.

That's so kind of you.

Whoarethoseguys · 11/02/2025 11:06

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

I don't understand why OP should have offered can money. Why couldn't the friend have ordered and paid for her own cab. She isn't the OPs responsibility!

Whoarethoseguys · 11/02/2025 11:00

mondaytosunday · 11/02/2025 10:57

It is perfectly legal to drive a short distance without a car seat - think if taxis and the like.

OP isn't a taxi though, it wasn't an emergency and presumably there was room for a car seat.

Whoarethoseguys · 11/02/2025 10:58

If there had been an accident you would have been prosecuted. She was wrong to ask you.
Did the friend who offered a lift have a spare car seat ?
She should have called for a taxi.

mondaytosunday · 11/02/2025 10:57

It is perfectly legal to drive a short distance without a car seat - think if taxis and the like.

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?
whatkatydid2014 · 11/02/2025 10:55

GoneGirl12345 · 11/02/2025 07:57

Yeah I was thinking this as the only other option. But she is very cheeky and should have just called a cab.

Show quote history

For a 3.5 mile trip then had I been OP I’d have joined forces with another mum and one of us would have waited with both sets of kids while the other gave her a lift to the bus stop.
That said had I been her I’d probably have walked to the bus stop

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/02/2025 10:42

If the OP had been stopped by the police for any reason, IIRC she could have incurred points on her licence for having a child not properly strapped in.

Nerd3 · 11/02/2025 10:41

Why couldn't she call a taxi?

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2025 10:41

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:37

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Still illegal!

Toddlerteaplease · 11/02/2025 10:41

Absolutely not. You did the right thing. How was she planing to get home?

Chucklecheeks01 · 11/02/2025 10:39

And for reference, although not illegal, it would not legally be construed as an emergency, she was not dashing to the hospital. She also, did not have taxi exception. The Op would have been liable for anything that happened.

TheCheeseTax · 11/02/2025 10:39

Jesus christ

Chucklecheeks01 · 11/02/2025 10:38

@Caerulea do you usually spend most of your days trying to fight everyone else's (self inflicted) problems. The friend should have made arrangements to get home, she didn't. She then had a way to get home, walking, but she didn't seem to want to do that so put her problem on to the OP to fix.

You've gone out of your way to find a reason why the OP's very reasonable points as to why she could not take her friend are in fact unreasonable.

Why?

Are you usually this contrary?

MercurialButton · 11/02/2025 10:36

Hard no from me. Imagine even a tiny bump from another car and the other driver reacts or if her previous got hurt. It would be on you.

I’d offer her few pounds to call a cab, and drive off …

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2025 10:34

Your friend knew she had no way of getting to the bus stop.
Your friend knew you had three kids
Presumably your friend knew you had two choices of vehicle, one bigger than the other.
Your friend needed to ask BEFORE she left if you'd be able to drop her.
If she didn't know until he dropped her off, she needed to make sure she had money for a cab.

Asking someone with space is fine.
Asking someone without space is not fine.
Asking your friend to risk her livelihood and freedom and your own child's life, because you've failed to plan adequately, is also not fine.
Refusing to break the law and endanger her daughter and your liberty is fine.

BMW6 · 11/02/2025 10:22

But why didn't she have an arrangement for her DH to pick her up or just call a cab to get home?

I don't drive and I would never dream of going anywhere without a plan of how I'm getting home without banking on cadging s lift! Weird and frankly entitled.

Hedgingmybetching · 11/02/2025 10:22

YANBU at all! She asked you to put a child in danger and do something illegal, both massive nos!

In the footwell of a car, a small accident could cause a fatility, completely unreasonable!

I certainly hope noone gives you shit. Your Mum needs her head wobbling too, Christ there's arguments about even having toddlers in forward facing seats at 2 years old never mind completely un restrained in a part of the car that would crumple in a small head on collision!

whatapalarva · 11/02/2025 10:21

You do it once, harder to say no the next time. You did the right thing, she probably does it all the time and for someone to say no, reminds her that its dangerous.

MarioLink · 11/02/2025 10:11

No way. As the driver it was your call to make and you would have been responsible had you been stopped or if the toddler had been injured.

It would have been nice to help but she pit herself in that situation by going to the group with no proper plan to get home.

HappyAsASandboy · 11/02/2025 10:03

I would absolutely not have transported a small child without the correct car seat.

I would have offered to take her to the bus stop before the end of the group if someone at the group could keep an eye on my kids while I did it. Then her child could have used one of your car seats (presumably). It all depends on the type of group/someone being happy to mind your kids etc etc though. I would be pissed off at missing the last 20 mins of the group to take her to the bus, too.

As an adult, you don't go unless you have arranged a way home.

neverthelastone · 11/02/2025 10:02

You did exactly the right thing, OP - it would be your legal liability if something happened to the child, and it’s downright dangerous to have a child that young in the front seat, never mind the footwell! (My DP is a personal injury lawyer so I have heard some of the most horrible tales of what can happen to you in a car accident…by the way, never put your feet up on the dashboard, people.)

Your friend was in the wrong to get annoyed with your refusal.