Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
Newname85 · 11/02/2025 07:58

Why wouldn’t you put the toddler in one of the car seats ? Also, are your car seats permanent fixtures? Seems quite weird that you cannot accommodate small adjustments for a “friend”

Child in the footwell - absolute no.

looks like you didn’t want to help your friend and were making terrible excuses for it.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:57

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

I suppose that could have been an option. It didn't occur to me at the time and everyone else was getting ready to go, so I'd have felt bad asking that of them. It also means the person hosting would have had to have people there for longer. If my friend had come up with that, I could have asked to do that, but I'd have felt bad imposing.

OP posts:
westisbest1982 · 11/02/2025 07:57

You did the right thing. Has she not heard of taxis? Probably, but likely didn’t want to cough up the money for one.

GoneGirl12345 · 11/02/2025 07:57

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

Yeah I was thinking this as the only other option. But she is very cheeky and should have just called a cab.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:54

stichguru · 11/02/2025 07:50

Your "friend" is a selfish, lazy individual. She needs to organise a way of getting home. She should have asked you before hand and worked out a plan.

I presume your back seat being full of car seats actually means the car was full of other kids anyway, so regardless of the seat issue, the car was full? Other why did your friends child not sit in one of your car seats?

The car was full. The front passenger seat was empty, so I'd have been happy to carry another adult and would have taken her all the way home if it had just been my friend. She doesn't have form for this.

OP posts:
potatopaws · 11/02/2025 07:54

I think OP is not unreasonable.

But seriously? “she’s not a friend for not understanding and being mardy with you” Bit over the top don’t you think? @HereNext

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would have done the same as you.

She was silly for not thinking about how she would get home from the group and it was unfair of her to put others in a situation they were not comfortable with.

And also not thinking about the safety of her child, putting her preference to attend the group ahead of their safety.

If she really doesnt mind not travelling with a suitable car seat She should have ordered a taxi, who is allowed to take a child travelling without a car seat rather than ask her friends to do this

harijes · 11/02/2025 07:54

I would not have out a toddler in the footwell or boot.

However, for a close friend I would have found an alternative. Left one child with another parent and taken her there and come back. It would not have taken long.

Eenameenadeeka · 11/02/2025 07:53

Absolutely no way I'd ever consider that.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:53

Elmo230885 · 11/02/2025 07:50

Not a chance. I was in an accident where another car smashed head on into us. The reason DD and her friend (7 yr olds) weren't severely injured was they were both in suitable well fitted car seats. If a child had been in the footwell they would have been killed instantly. We were on a 40 road less than 2 miles from home. Even a low speed crash could cause air bag release.

I think people that don't drive themselves don't seem to understand the importance of car seats or other safety features of cars.

I'm glad everyone was okay. Chances are things are going to be fine but you just never know.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 11/02/2025 07:53

If your mother thinks you are too strict on car seats then you must be very careful about letting her go in a car with your children.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:52

Zonder · 11/02/2025 07:49

Could you have borrowed a car seat from someone nearby, or was there no room anyway for another car seat?

No room, unless I put one in the front seat, but it has air bags and then I couldn't have fit my friend. 😁Everyone else there would have been using their car seats too.

OP posts:
Chuchoter · 11/02/2025 07:50

No one is mentioning the arrogance of believing that you or someone would take her home after her husband had dropped her off and she had not made any plans of how to get home other than using other people!

I would have told her to sling her hook and get a cab.

stichguru · 11/02/2025 07:50

Your "friend" is a selfish, lazy individual. She needs to organise a way of getting home. She should have asked you before hand and worked out a plan.

I presume your back seat being full of car seats actually means the car was full of other kids anyway, so regardless of the seat issue, the car was full? Other why did your friends child not sit in one of your car seats?

Zusammengebrochen · 11/02/2025 07:50

MelisandeLongfield · 11/02/2025 07:37

How much more of a 'terrible friend' would you have felt if there'd been an accident and the child was injured or killed?

You did the right thing.

Perhaps a terrible friend also convicted of manslaughter. 😧

Elmo230885 · 11/02/2025 07:50

Not a chance. I was in an accident where another car smashed head on into us. The reason DD and her friend (7 yr olds) weren't severely injured was they were both in suitable well fitted car seats. If a child had been in the footwell they would have been killed instantly. We were on a 40 road less than 2 miles from home. Even a low speed crash could cause air bag release.

I think people that don't drive themselves don't seem to understand the importance of car seats or other safety features of cars.

Zonder · 11/02/2025 07:49

Could you have borrowed a car seat from someone nearby, or was there no room anyway for another car seat?

WifeImprovementWorksInProgress · 11/02/2025 07:49

Absolutely no way would I have done that, you were right op. The footwell, bloody hell the 70s were a long time ago! Don't doubt yourself, this is on her (and I'd be slightly wary of the friend who actually did do it now)

In an absolute emergency I would have put them on a seat with a seatbelt. But I'm thinking rescuing them from a remote breakdown in the freezing rain, or from being pursued by a t-rex or something 😆

I once volunteered to take kids from DC1's (small) school in my car as part of a school trip. I felt really awkward going back in to the office with one of my assigned kids, a small 7yr old, and insisting I couldn't take her without a booster seat. Her mum hadn't left one to use because "she's fine without one" apparently. It held everyone up while they sorted it and found one. I'm still 🤔 about the whole thing. So many people are far too lax on this, but the rules are clear and it's not fair to end up feeling like the awkward one for trying to keep kids safe (and to protect your driving licence!).

Zusammengebrochen · 11/02/2025 07:48

In the foot well? Absolutely not, that's ridiculously dangerous.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:47

CableCar · 11/02/2025 07:46

Why didn't you just put one of the car seats in the boot and let her sit in that gap? This seems a bit weird if you had the car seats...

Show quote history

Am I meant to stick the child that needed to be in that car seat in the boot too?

OP posts:
CableCar · 11/02/2025 07:46

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:39

My back seat is full of car seats. There is no room for another adult in there. But I also don't have the taxi exemption, or whatever allows them to do that.

Show quote history

Why didn't you just put one of the car seats in the boot and let her sit in that gap? This seems a bit weird if you had the car seats...

Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:45

Jk987 · 11/02/2025 07:44

The nearest bus stop was 3.5 miles away? Was the baby group held in a field in the middle of nowhere?

Not the point I know.

New development, so not got the connections with transport yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:44

Friend does usually bike. It was just out of commission for the day. I understand why she wouldn't want to miss the group, we're all close and it's only once a month.

OP posts:
Jk987 · 11/02/2025 07:44

The nearest bus stop was 3.5 miles away? Was the baby group held in a field in the middle of nowhere?

Not the point I know.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/02/2025 07:42

I don't drive and would have called a taxi in her situation, or may have walked (regularly walked 2 miles for groups, 3.5 might be pushing it though). I thimk you did the right thimg as it would have turned into a regular expectation.