Page 11 | No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:17

Motherofrascals · 11/02/2025 08:13

I mean what's done is done, but I'm intrigued. You have three children who were in three car seats in the back and therefore only the front passenger seat was available?

Otherwise, if it was that you had 2 car seats in the back and only the middle space free that wouldn't fit an adult then this might be helpful in case there's a next time

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Thanks. Child is under 3 (2.5 years). It wasn't an emergency but, even if it was, there is no squeezing anyone or anything in there. It's full as it can be.

If she'd called me that morning and let me know I'd have taken the bigger car with extra seats.

OP posts:

MermaidMummy06 · 11/02/2025 08:16

I was asked to do this by a friend. I was very young, had no DC and asked myself, what would happen if we are pulled over or have an accident?'.

In both scenarios I'd be the one paying the price, so said no. And that was a very difficult thing for me to say back then. No way I was putting myself in that position, for anyone. I copped a lot of flak for it, but sometimes you have to wear it.

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 11/02/2025 08:15

If you had three children already in car seats in the single back row of your car, it’s irrelevant about your friend not having a car seat, you couldn’t fit 2 more people into your car full stop and could never have given her a lift.

She should have thought things through, asked a friend with fewer than 3 DC if they could give her a lift home or to the bus stop and taken the car seat with her when her DH dropped her. Or he could have come back for her. Or let her have the car. Or she could have missed the group.

All of those seem better solutions than expecting to stow her toddler in a footwell.

LizzieSiddal · 11/02/2025 08:15

There’s not a chance in hell I’d let a toddler be in my car without a car seat.
Even if you’d driven so carefully, someone else could have crashed into you, you’d then be in very serious trouble, not to mention the injuries a toddler would suffer in an accident.

You did the right thing.

letthemeatcakes · 11/02/2025 08:15

In the news this week is an article about a child who died who wasn't wearing a seatbelt. You absolutely did the right thing.

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:15

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:13

I dunno, assuming 'no cycle paths' isn't 'no, cycle paths' then I don't think that's sensible at all.

I'm also not sure how you've got 3 full car seats in a small car? Could you not have rejigged just for the short journey? Usually you can turn off the passenger airbag - I'd have done that & put a kid there, her in the back with her little one & then driven hyper-carefully. I agree with pp that sometimes ppl just need help & you say this is out of character for her.

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Wider car. I have three car seats that were all occupied. Unless I stuck a kid and seat in the boot, I couldn't get another person in there, so that isn't even an option to consider.

OP posts:

Motherofrascals · 11/02/2025 08:13

I mean what's done is done, but I'm intrigued. You have three children who were in three car seats in the back and therefore only the front passenger seat was available?

Otherwise, if it was that you had 2 car seats in the back and only the middle space free that wouldn't fit an adult then this might be helpful in case there's a next time

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Child car seats: the law

The rules for child car seats and booster seats - height, weight, age, type of vehicle, car, minibus, licensed taxi

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:13

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:03

No cycle paths. She cycles everywhere with her toddler in a toddler bike seat on the back. Yes, toddler has a little helmet. It's very cute but would probably make me nervous. I do think that's a me issue though because there's not really anything wrong with it and it's good exercise.

Edited

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I dunno, assuming 'no cycle paths' isn't 'no, cycle paths' then I don't think that's sensible at all.

I'm also not sure how you've got 3 full car seats in a small car? Could you not have rejigged just for the short journey? Usually you can turn off the passenger airbag - I'd have done that & put a kid there, her in the back with her little one & then driven hyper-carefully. I agree with pp that sometimes ppl just need help & you say this is out of character for her.

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:10

JHound · 11/02/2025 08:09

The fact your friend went somewhere without having a way of getting home is honestly the weirdest part of this story. They sound very irresponsible.

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She's usually very responsible and self-sufficient. This isn't something I'd have expected from her.

OP posts:

JHound · 11/02/2025 08:10

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

Why would you offer a cab for an adult woman to get home?

JHound · 11/02/2025 08:09

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

The fact your friend went somewhere without having a way of getting home is honestly the weirdest part of this story. They sound very irresponsible.

Moonnstars · 11/02/2025 08:08

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

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Agree why is a grown woman with I assume no learning difficulties relying on someone else to sort her a cab and fix her travel arrangements? She surely knew this would happen at the end and either needed to wait for their partner to come and pick them up or just sort themselves out. Why would you turn up to a group and then expect someone else to arrange their journey home?

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:08

Doloresparton · 11/02/2025 08:07

I wouldn’t put my dog in the footwell let alone a dc.

Good thought. Even my dogs have restraints in my car.

OP posts:

Doloresparton · 11/02/2025 08:07

I wouldn’t put my dog in the footwell let alone a dc.

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/02/2025 08:07

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

Why would op offer to arrange a cab?

This is a grown woman who can arrange her own cab.

The friend was massively unreasonable to go to a place without a thought of how she would safely get her toddler home.

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Edited

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

OP posts:

Moonnstars · 11/02/2025 08:06

I would have done the same as you. I understand she didn't want to miss the group if it's only once a month, but if she didn't have any way to safely get home then she should have just not gone. If she is a close friend she could also have messaged you beforehand explaining the situation and saying she is happy to get the bus, but would need dropping off. You mention you have a bigger car (7 seater?) so if she had asked nicely maybe you could have helped her had you known in advance.

JustMyView13 · 11/02/2025 08:06

These things only ever end one of two ways. A tale of when a friend done it and it was fine, or the tragic story of when it was not.

You done the right thing. I’d have done the same and wouldn’t feel guilty about another persons inability to plan. As others have said, she could’ve called a taxi.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 11/02/2025 08:04

I think you were unreasonable - when I've taken dd in a cab as a toddler, she's had to sit in the back with a seat belt - i think that as long as you drove carefully, it would've been okay

Even if you didn't want to drive, I take it you offered to arrange a cab for her?

Sometimes life isn't perfect and we just need a helping hand op

Edited-- apologies, I've just seen your extra posts that you had several people in the car already and have changed my vote. Still would've offered cab money though if I could

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:03

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:00

I'm a bit confused why her partner dropped her off with no way of getting home? I'm also a bit 😬 that she would have cycled the roads with a toddler? Or are there cycle paths?

No cycle paths. She cycles everywhere with her toddler in a toddler bike seat on the back. Yes, toddler has a little helmet. It's very cute but would probably make me nervous. I do think that's a me issue though because there's not really anything wrong with it and it's good exercise.

OP posts:

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:02

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 08:00

Sorry, didn’t see that. All 3 spaces in the back seat occupied - is it ?

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Yes, and today I had the small car since I only had three kids with me. If she'd given me a heads up I could have taken the bigger car with an extra row of seats and arranged a car seat.

OP posts:

Olika · 11/02/2025 08:01

I would have refused as well. She should have thought it through before attending.

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 08:00

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:59

My kids were in the car seats.

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Sorry, didn’t see that. All 3 spaces in the back seat occupied - is it ?

Caerulea · 11/02/2025 08:00

I'm a bit confused why her partner dropped her off with no way of getting home? I'm also a bit 😬 that she would have cycled the roads with a toddler? Or are there cycle paths?

Original poster

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:59

Newname85 · 11/02/2025 07:58

Why wouldn’t you put the toddler in one of the car seats ? Also, are your car seats permanent fixtures? Seems quite weird that you cannot accommodate small adjustments for a “friend”

Child in the footwell - absolute no.

looks like you didn’t want to help your friend and were making terrible excuses for it.

My kids were in the car seats.

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