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Original poster

No regrets, but would you have done this for your friend?

309 replies

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 07:34

One of my closest friends and me go to a mother and baby group. Her DH had dropped her off and she didn't have any way of getting home. She asked me for a ride to the nearest bus stop - 3.5 miles from where we were meeting.

The issue is we had our children with us. She didn't have a car seat for her toddler. I said my concerns (safety and legality) and she said she'd sit the toddler in the foot area in the front so she wouldn't be seen. I told her I just wasn't comfortable with it and it would be my responsibility if anything happened (you just never know). Someone else did it for her, but I wonder if others would have done it for a friend?

I'm in the bad books right now but feel like a friend shouldn't ask for that kind of favour. I feel both like a terrible friend but like I did the right thing.

OP posts:
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gerul · 18/05/2025 18:34

Why are people so batshit here? Honestly, expecting the OP to pay for the woman's taxi 😂😂😂

OP you should have taken her home, told her to put her feet up on the sofa and cooked them a hot meal before taking yourself off home.

Tandia · 19/02/2025 10:27

@farmlife2 Now you have offered her a reasonable way to get a lift in future, are you out of the 'bad books'? I can't believe she was unhappy with you for being unwilling to endanger her child!!

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 18/02/2025 08:29

This sounds like something from 1995, she must realise how dangerous this is but also how risky it is for you. It's worth knowing though that the exemption for a child in the middle with no car seat isn't just for taxis but any car so long as the child is over 3, they can go in the middle seat with no car seat (legally, not necessarily the most safe option) so it might depend on the toddlers age as to whether you were unreasonable or not.

Loubelle70 · 17/02/2025 08:19

Chuchoter · 11/02/2025 07:50

No one is mentioning the arrogance of believing that you or someone would take her home after her husband had dropped her off and she had not made any plans of how to get home other than using other people!

I would have told her to sling her hook and get a cab.

This. I would have never taken my young child out without knowing how to get home. Plan a plan b. She sounds like she knew someone would take her home and she didn't want to miss out. Selfish tbh. You did right

Lollipop81 · 17/02/2025 07:02

farmlife2 · 16/02/2025 20:17

I suppose the question was whether people would have done it themselves, so there's no wrong answer. :-)

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You should have paid her taxi fare for her is a totally reasonable response 🤣🤣

HipMax · 16/02/2025 23:24

farmlife2 · 16/02/2025 20:17

I suppose the question was whether people would have done it themselves, so there's no wrong answer. :-)

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There is very much a wrong answer. Anyone saying they've done it, would do it, would consider doing it, or thinks its ok for anyone to do it, is blatantly wrong.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 16/02/2025 20:17

Lollipop81 · 16/02/2025 07:59

Actually can’t believe some of the responses you are getting 🤣

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I suppose the question was whether people would have done it themselves, so there's no wrong answer. :-)

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/02/2025 10:52

No, not a chance.

Convolvulus · 16/02/2025 10:51

fingerbobz · 16/02/2025 10:48

Wouldn't it have been safer to sit toddler in the back with a seatbelt on?

Footwell?

No room in the back as OP's three children sit there.

fingerbobz · 16/02/2025 10:48

Wouldn't it have been safer to sit toddler in the back with a seatbelt on?

Footwell?

Eldermilleniallyogii · 16/02/2025 08:43

I also think your OP was I clear but you were not unreasonable in saying no to her. If you'd have said no she'd have expected it again. Now she knows. Not sure why others think you have have ordered her a taxi.

Lollipop81 · 16/02/2025 07:59

farmlife2 · 11/02/2025 08:06

She's a fully capable adult who doesn't need me to arrange her cabs. I am not a cab and don't have an exemption for unrestrained kids btw. I drive safely but the people I share the road with might not that day. You just never know.

If I'd agreed it would be my fine, my conviction, my license and, worst, having to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. Which is what flashed through my head when she asked.

I also can't afford to pay for a cab for her.

Edited
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Actually can’t believe some of the responses you are getting 🤣

Lollipop81 · 16/02/2025 07:54

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:37

Why couldn’t she have sat in the back with toddler in the middle? Like you’d do in a taxi without a car seat? It was the toddler in the footwell that was the biggest issue for me… so you were both being unreasonable to not think of a better solution.

Because it’s illegal, it’s only legal in a taxi

Original poster
farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:58

AubernFable · 14/02/2025 19:55

Didn’t she originally suggest the footwell? I think thats what I got from your post- absolutely nuts.

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No, it was lap until I expressed concerns about the legality and safety. Then it was in the foot well so the child would be hidden out of sight.

OP posts:
AubernFable · 14/02/2025 19:55

farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:44

Because it was a safety issue. She knew my back seat was full, that's why she expected to take the child on her lap when she asked. So it was only a safety issue over a lap baby.

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Didn’t she originally suggest the footwell? I think thats what I got from your post- absolutely nuts.

Original poster
farmlife2 · 14/02/2025 19:44

TiredMummma · 14/02/2025 19:02

Why didn't you just say you didn't have room in your car? I think you made it more of an issue talking about safety rather than your car is full.

I once offered a lift to a friend but she had a massive buggy so I couldn't fit everything in.

We are still friends!

Because it was a safety issue. She knew my back seat was full, that's why she expected to take the child on her lap when she asked. So it was only a safety issue over a lap baby.

OP posts:
TiredMummma · 14/02/2025 19:02

Why didn't you just say you didn't have room in your car? I think you made it more of an issue talking about safety rather than your car is full.

I once offered a lift to a friend but she had a massive buggy so I couldn't fit everything in.

We are still friends!

familyfullofeccentrics1 · 14/02/2025 14:06

Manchesterbythesea · 11/02/2025 07:36

Absolutely bizarre. Why would you get dropped somewhere with a baby with no way home?

This!

BlibBlabBlob · 14/02/2025 14:05

IkeaMeatballGravy · 13/02/2025 08:41

You are so, so lucky you were never involved in an accident.

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Indeed. And this 7-year-old still needs a booster seat now; even a backless one would be massively safer than just using the seatbelt. You can even buy a rucksack-type thing that's a bag and booster seat combined.

ShortSighted101 · 14/02/2025 07:11

I would avoid this woman. I once got inadvertently involved with someone who later caused me a lot of problems. I have looked back for red flag signs and one was giving my daughter a lift and I found out later that there hadn't been enough space and one child had gone in the footwell.

If she is so blasé about the law and her child's safety what other rules and social norms will she also decide to ignore?

Newhorizons8 · 14/02/2025 06:49

TheOnlyWayisGerard · 13/02/2025 10:45

You're pretty ridiculous if you think this is acceptable. You're extremely lucky you've never been in an accident.

You did the correct thing, OP. If you were involved in an accident (and statistically most accidents happen close to home), you'd have felt terrible if the child was injured or worse.
Oh, and for those insisting OP change the car seats round for the friend to travel in the back with the child (which is still illegal!), not all passenger seat airbags can be disabled, so not suitable for fitting a car seat in anyway.

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No, not extremely lucky at all. The probability is that you won't have an accident. At 37 years old I've never been in a car accident. Some of you shouldn't walk outside, as there is too much risk.

Niknakcake · 14/02/2025 06:30

How old is the toddler? If over 3 then, as the journey was unexpected and short, you could have taken them without a child seat

ARichtGoodDram · 13/02/2025 21:36

The car seat is a red herring in this one.

For an unexpected journey you can legally transport a child under 3 without a car seat.

However, you didn't have enough space in your car for 2 more people. So the car seat is irrelevant - you didn't have seats for the friend and their child.

She was asking you to break the law and overload your car.

GreyAreas · 13/02/2025 21:30

I once insisted on dd having a booster seat when another parent was taking them all to a party. The Mum was very nice about it and put her in the front seat. All the other kids should have been on boosters, but weren't. On the way to the party she got stopped by the police 🫣 (and actually had an older kid lying across the kids in the backseat unrestrained, which I didn't know about). The police pointed out my DD was the only one legal and praised her, and my dd has been convinced I am always right about everything ever since.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 13/02/2025 20:53

I would have done exactly the same!! My kids are in car seats regardless opt how short the journey is and it surprises me that lack of knowledge around car seat safety especially with her comment about hiding them at their feet like the issue is being seen 🙈