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AIBU?

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Original poster

This is too much cycling, right?

168 replies

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 00:56

Husband goes on his bike the following:

Sat 9.30am-4pm
Sun 4pm - 9pm
Mon - Thu (after work) 6-8.30pm
Friday 6-7pm

its ridiculous, right? We have 1 DC age 11. It’s reached a point now where I don’t think I can carry on with the marriage

OP posts:
echt · 11/02/2025 01:50

The example the OP gave is not gaslighting.

HeadacheEarthquake · 11/02/2025 01:43

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:40

No way would he agree to counselling. I’m all for it - I had counselling after suffering PND - he was terrible to me during that time too - sorry to drip feed

This is awfully difficult but you seem young enough to go and find someone who wants to spend time with you

TwinklyNight · 11/02/2025 01:40

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know much about sports but possibly he is addicted to cycling and hopefully this will be a wake up call.

My bio father was the same but fishing not cycling. I don't remember him but I have old letter my mother wrote that are full of the same frustration and pain I read in your post. She found out he quit going to work and was "fishing I guess" in a letter she wrote. She left him.

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:40

No way would he agree to counselling. I’m all for it - I had counselling after suffering PND - he was terrible to me during that time too - sorry to drip feed

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 11/02/2025 01:38

Sounds like you’ve both checked out.

have you tried marriage counselling?

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:37

I do work but on minimum wage - he’s a very high earner though. We’ve got this beautiful house but it feels like a gilded cage

OP posts:
Justalittlenaughty · 11/02/2025 01:37

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:08

I know 😔 the worst part is when I get upset about it he tries to blame it on me - ‘I only go because you’re always on at me’ sigh…

Gaslighting

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:36

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:30

If you don’t have children yet it’s really the time to leave this relationship. It also sounds like he might like men and being with men and cycling with men. Don’t be his coverup. Go and leave him and have a great life.

See I’ve often wondered about the men thing - he had some very close male friendships at uni and often noticed ‘handsome men’. Christ I’m 45 I don’t know how to start again

OP posts:
Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:33

Sorry, I reread and see you have children. That definitely makes things harder. Sorry

HeadacheEarthquake · 11/02/2025 01:31

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:30

If you don’t have children yet it’s really the time to leave this relationship. It also sounds like he might like men and being with men and cycling with men. Don’t be his coverup. Go and leave him and have a great life.

She has one dc 11

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:30

If you don’t have children yet it’s really the time to leave this relationship. It also sounds like he might like men and being with men and cycling with men. Don’t be his coverup. Go and leave him and have a great life.

Stickystickysticky · 11/02/2025 01:29

Have a good cry tonight and then get your mad up, he's the one that has caused this. Start gathering paperwork, insurance, bank statements, passports etc. I hope you have real life support too.

SkiingIsHeaven · 11/02/2025 01:27

Oh you poor thing. What a horrible man.

You are better off without him.

You sound nice.

HeadacheEarthquake · 11/02/2025 01:26

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:20

He’s just blanked me. Nothing.

That says it all.. that's the end my love.

Ph3 · 11/02/2025 01:24

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:20

He’s just blanked me. Nothing.

I’m really sorry - it must be devastating. I hope you will be ok financially on your own. But like is too short to spend it with someone that has no respect for you.

Stickystickysticky · 11/02/2025 01:24

I think you're doing the right thing, it's not an easy decision to make but things will be so much better without him destroying your self esteem.

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:23

And everything is your fault but it’s not. Please take care of yourself and not put up with his nonsense anymore.

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:22

confusedlots · 11/02/2025 01:20

Do you ever spend any time together as a family?

Very rarely. Only on holiday to see his family 400 miles away. And of course he plays the role of the doting dad perfectly then

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 11/02/2025 01:21

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:19

I actually told him tonight I want a divorce. Hence why I’m crying and staying up on here. I’m in the spare room tonight with the lovely cat

Unmumsnetty hug and big handhold. At the end of the day, he doesn't need to go every day, unless it's his commute.

I'm glad you have cat. They are the best

Sorry you're crying, I would be too. Men can be cunts.

He needs to prioritise you here or he can get the fuck out.

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:20

He’s just blanked me. Nothing.

OP posts:
Ph3 · 11/02/2025 01:20

Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:19

I actually told him tonight I want a divorce. Hence why I’m crying and staying up on here. I’m in the spare room tonight with the lovely cat

And his response?

confusedlots · 11/02/2025 01:20

Do you ever spend any time together as a family?

Original poster
Bananagirl23 · 11/02/2025 01:19

I actually told him tonight I want a divorce. Hence why I’m crying and staying up on here. I’m in the spare room tonight with the lovely cat

OP posts:
ThatEllie · 11/02/2025 01:19

Christ, you must be a saint because I’d have bludgeoned him to death with his own bicycle ages ago.

You are absolutely not unreasonable.

Devianinc · 11/02/2025 01:19

Hes avoiding your family and you and I think your thinking is correct. He’s not there for you.

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