This is too much cycling, right?

He clearly doesn't like women.

Time to create a new warm life full of love just for you & your DD.

Get professional advice on the financial side OP x

Could be affair… man or woman. He is obviously not happy to be at home. To be honest when the kids were little my husband had all these hobbies that took all day. Golf, fishing, cricket, country pursuits it was annoying but he wasn’t fun to be with if he didn’t get his outdoor stretches. Now we are still together but we mostly live separately about 6 months we do spend together. It began like that for work reasons but just worked. Relationships do evolve.

if you can afford it suggest he moves out and then he can indulge his hobbies (affair or confusion over sexuality or whatever it may be) and you can see how much calmer your life is without the tension this is causing.

Sorry OP.

Start getting things in order, and don't be coy about it.

He has taken it as an empty threat.

Impressive calves maketh a good man not.

This is unbelievable behaviour. That's not a hobby, it's an avoidance tactic. And does sound like he's having an affair. Agree with PP, cyclists tend to catch the early bird not the evening tail.

Is he going on his bike or the village bike?

Seriously, I cycle and there is no way anyone goes out for 11 hours on the weekend. I'd be checking his Strava and seeing exactly where he goes and when.

Cycling can be addictive. But those times are weird. Looks like he actively tries to avoid family time.
I have a cycling obsessed DH, but he gets it out of his system by cycling to work an hour each way and the occasional club ride once a week, usually 8am to midday on a Sunday to avoid traffic and sometimes a week day evening in the summer.

I'm afraid this has all the hallmarks of an affair. The fact that he didn't engage when OP asked for a divorce tells you that he is:

1. Confident that the relative financial power imbalance in his favour would make following through on a divorce challenging for OP
2. Cognisant that OP is attached to the house and would be reluctant to lose it
3. Is of the belief that his affair partner would give him a nice soft landing and welcome him with open arms full time into their lives if the divorce were to proceed

Sorry, OP

He’s taking the total piss.

I agree about not having to start again.

Don’t look too far ahead.
Just focus on what you ‘don’t’ want in your life for now.

I’m assuming some of this is on road and the rest is Swift?
Cycling, as with any sport, can become addictive.

This.

And I say this as a widow of a dearly-loved man.

You don't have to ''start again''.

It's quite feasible to be single and to live in peace with your daughter.

It's not mandatory to shackle up with another man.

OP, can I suggest:
Try and get some sleep
Wake up and have a MASSIVE 3 days pity party
Pull yourself together and make an exit plan. If he’s a high earner then make sure you get decent maintenance.

If nothing else you are modelling a shitty relationship to your DD. Do you want her to find someone who doesn’t respect her when she’s older? Show her what a strong positive woman looks like and kick his arse and his stupid bike to the kerb.

Lots of unmumsnetty hugs x

That is an excessive amount of cycling.
He must be road riding in the dark, as one wouldn't be able to do 'Downhill' mountain biking safely in the dark. {Unless you are in Southern Hemisphere and it's summer still}

He's really being selfish here.

Why can't he go every morning from 5-8am?

Then he can work and see his family.

OP, you are being taken for a fool. This is an insane amount of time away from family and he’s a gaslighter to blame you.

How about next time he’s on a 6.5 hour bike ride you pack his things, leave them outside the house with a note saying “On yer bike”. Or something slightly less dramatic but still involves leaving him?
And have a non serious rebound fling with the coworker

You both work and he is a very high earner and you don't go on 'proper' holidays? Is there a reason? It's quite unusual.

is he going out cycling or at home on a static bike? Just wondered if he is really cycling if out of he house as it's daily.

15 hours a week on a hobby, that’s out of the house, is taking the piss. Let alone the rest of it.

How can he be always in at your DD - he's never home to see her.

but seriously, that's ridiculous. You need to have a proper conversation with him and he needs to decide if he wants to be a husband and a father or not. Because he's not being either at the moment.

In my opinion, ANY cycling after age 16 is way too much. Can’t he afford a car? 😀

Serious answer: He’s a dick.

I’m sorry this happening to you. My husband left me after 37 of marriage bc he fell I love with a girl who doesn’t feel the same way about him. He tried to blame it on me but she told he tried to get with her a couple of times and thought she’d fall into his arms when he left me. Now everyone just thinks he’s a jerk. He made a huge fool out of himself. I wish I had gotten out earlier. You’re still young and I’m sure your child sees what’s going on. Mine did. I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s hard but it gets better with time.

That was in response to @Justalittlenaughty

Unless he's an Olympic athlete in training and you sign up for that gig then he's a twat and you should get rid.

Get together as much financial information as you can. Wages, savings, pensions, mortgage etc and go see a divorce lawyer.

He sounds utterly insufferable and selfish.