This is too much cycling, right?

What?! That's excessive! Sounds like hes trying to avoid you. Whats the point of the relationship?! I.would.refuse.to.visit his family where he pretends all.is.good. I'd try couples.counselling, then divorce.

I was a serious cyclist before I had teens and associate weekend taxi commitments.

Cocking really needs consistency to keep up the fitness to do it, and keep up with your group.

Everyday and 2 big chunks of the weekend is unnecessary; also thoughtless and selfish. Twice a week would be fine.

Could he alternate Saturdays and Sundays, and cut down to 2 evening rides a week?
Could he ride to work to get some miles in?

You need to reclaim some time for yourself. He needs to learn to care for his DC - just done unsupervised and on the job.

Do this. Best idea ever.

Literally when is he home?

Two 5+ hour stints at the weekend isn't that weird to me. I much prefer a longer ride/novel cafe stop to doing the same old local loops. Every weekend is a bit much, though.

The weekday riding is what struck me as more unusual. Is he really doing 2-2.5 hours every single day after work? 😳 He either hates his life, LOVES cycling, or has a secret second family/job/addiction.

My dh is also a very keen cyclist but yours is really taking the biscuit and definitely avoiding family time.

For comparison:

When our kids were little dh would get up very early and go for a long cycle on a Saturday but then be back mid-morning - we would have a more leisurely start and then we could all do something together.

Would also do one evening cycle, leaving at about 6. I quite liked having an evening to myself.

When work was in cycling distance he would go there and back by bike.

Now his cycling is like this: One evening as always, Saturday morning, back by lunch. In the winter, one hour max on the turbo thing before dinner most days.

Dh almost always cycles with a group, most of his friends have been made through that.

Does yours cycle alone or with a group?

I have a hobby, let’s say cycling. I do go every weekend and most evenings. The difference is, I’m the one who works part time so I can do every school run and cook every meal. In the evenings I go mostly after bedtime and the weekends it’s one day and not every weekend.

There are compromises to be made if you want to.

It's ridiculous. Nobody trains that much.
So either he's having an affair rather than cycling - but I'm sure he'll be on Strava so it's got to be easy enough to follow him and see exactly where and when he's going. Message me his name and I'll happily check for you if you like.
But my guess is that he's developed an obsession that's out of control, and whether it's happened so he can escape from family life, or whether the escape is a by-product of the obsession, is something maybe even he doesn't realise: And now he's just addicted, and having been married to an alcoholic I know how difficult it is to break an addiction. Honestly I think that getting out might be the only way to (pardon the pun) break the cycle.

That’s such a sweet suggestion user Dh tried that but kids being kids both ours insist they absolutely hate cycling. Family bike trips were rubbish dd2 although moderately sporty at other things would cry whenever there was even a slight hill. As teens neither has been on a bike for years….

On the phone at 9am OP. Book up with a solicitor and get that ball rolling.

Don't waste another second of your life on this gaslighting tosser.

You are getting flirted with so you still have it. Make use of it!

Why does he not want to spend time with the kid, if not you?

my husband likes cycling, but he wouldn’t dream of going out this much. He is too focused on the kids.

Being divorced might suit him, he can cycle even more.

It's worth giving left of field a try.

Change tack and support his cycling.
Buy the kids a bike and suggest that you all do an easy ride every Saturday morning.
DH is to plan the route etc. Make the rest of Saturday a family day - doing chores, cooking, washing etc and the bike ride.

Support your husband going for a ride two nights per week for one hour or suggest that he rides to and fro work.
Organise your own night time activity one night per week and one night per week where DH is to cater for each child's hobby - pick ups etc.
Ask DH to plan a family cycling holiday for you all for one week including motel stays.

What would happen if the nagging to stop his passion changed to a family interest in joining him?

My brother has a wonderful relationship with his daughter based around them cycling some where nice a few times per year and much more regularly when she was a teenager.

My husband does less than that when training to do LEJOG/JOGLE.

As a cyclist I would get those times at w/end but nighttime in the dark? Is this road or off road? With friends or solo? Is he in a club? I'd be doubting those night time rides. Still, when he is divorced he can go out all he wants.

That's not cycling, it's avoiding family life.

Is he out all those hours in this weather?! Dh is an extremely keen cyclist but is on the turbo now. Surely it’s too cold to be out that length of time?

Dh does rides at weekends but is finished by 11 ish unless a summer day ride. He does an hour in the morning but on turbo mostly and Tuesday evenings 90mins.

To be fair I started doing an hour on the turbo in the morning myself and lost two stone.

I'd be saying "on yer bike"

I also wonder how he cycles in the dark. I enjoy a bike ride but not in the dark.

Changed username for this. My husband is similarly addicted - and it really is an addiction - and it has seriously affected our time as a family. Until recently the stupid bike came on every family holiday. If we visit family at Christmas, he bike rides home. We can't go anywhere together as a family on weekend mornings because bike riding comes first. I do most bedtimes by myself because he's on Zwift. He gets depressed if he can't ride to the point where it's just easier to send him off to his bike.

Unfortunately, he's had doctors congratulate him on his fitness and encourage him to keep going so any resistance on my part is met with "The doctor said I have to do this for my health!". Even more annoyingly, when he's too tired to bike ride he'll pretend he wanted to take the day off to spend time with me, which is absolute bullshit. He'd always rather be cycling.

There's a percentage of men who just can't or won't moderate their riding, even when they have a family to come home to. I'm sorry you're going experiencing this, it's a very lonely place to be.

Tell him that he's obviously unhappy and you're willing to liberate him and his bike as long as you keep the house

They are weird times for a start. A whole Saturday every week and then the evenings? DH goes out at daybreak for a couple of hours before anyone else is awake and there is little to no traffic on the roads. Even when training for a silly Ironman thing, he doesn't spend all day every week on it.

Where is he cycle in mid winter at those times in the dark? Or are you somewhere where is light and warmer?

are you sure he is out cycle?

or is he insid cycle?

This. Think my OH cycles similar amount on average but he does 5-8am my 3 days on morning school run, an hour a day of normal commuting or run up to shops for any bits & bobs needed daily & then about once every 3 weeks he does an all day thing where he’s out 5am-10pm. It really isn’t a huge bother when it’s done to fit around family time. On occasion it still can be irritating & we have had discussions on a couple of occasions in the past when he’s managed to book group rides for more frequently than twice in a month. I think it’s fine with getting a day off each every few weeks but it’s not fine one person having regular “days off” and leaving the other with a choice of no family time at all or no time to pursue their own interests

I'm sorry. There should be enough time for you to each have your own hobby/free time (while the other does childcare) and also family time, and he's literally taking all the free time in the week for his own hobby. It's not fair.