This is too much cycling, right?

Honestly the amount of training is not excessive in itself (I know lots of keen cyclists who do far more plus strength and flexibility sessions aswell). And I assume some of the evening sessions are indoor at this time of year?
And for me it wouldn’t be a problem as both DH & I have similarly time consuming hobbies. But the issue is how you feel about it - it’s too much for you and that’s the important thing.

Do you feel you don’t spend enough time together? Or is it more that you don’t feel you have enough time for you and your interests? Those are quite personal things and couples differ greatly in how they feel about them. He needs to try to understand that - he might feel perfectly happy with how he balances family, hobbies, work but it’s not working for you.

So sorry to hear you're going through this OP. He sounds awful and doesn't deserve you. Honestly,I despair sometimes. I've read thread after thread on Mumsnet over the last week about ghastly men. Is it any wonder that I'm totally done with them now?

Sun 4pm - 9pm
Mon - Thu (after work) 6-8.30pm
Friday 6-7pm

This time of year? when it's dark by 5pm? When road Salt on the road ruins his bike, other grit and grot & constant cleaning, rain, cold, in the dark? What are his lights, seriously blinding Audax?

Is he training for something specific, with a deadline.

When I have ultramaraton goals I am doing sport 12-15h a week but it's with spousal agreement, parenting delegation and builds to a specific event (and I only do a "big" one every 5 years due to time away from family).

If it's an event, sit with the calendar and plan together.
Otherwise you're a workout widow and he's a selfish git.

You and dd deserve a much better life. What a muppet.

Yes, he would be out on his arse.

No, he's doing it because he's a selfish twat and possibly having an affair.

Presumably the OP doesn't want to leave her dd all day with a man who berates her all the time and resents being with her.

You need a plan OP, this is completely unsustainable and soul destroying. Don't let him upset you any more - get used to it just being you and dd, make your own happiness and fun with her and in the meantime get your ducks in a row.

It was very concerning that you went to the spare room - he’s the one in the wrong. Don’t act like this through your break up. He’s done you wrong and you need to hold your head high. Don’t run away or cower. Be strong for your lovely daughter who has a SHIT dad.

Make sure you don’t get inconvenienced by this break up OP! I’m guessing you’ve done the lions share of the parenting for the last 11 years while his life hasn’t changed? He’s a selfish arsehole. Your poor DD as well - have you let him know that he’s also showing her that she’s not worth spending time with? Seek shit hot legal advice and throw him out OP.

45 is a great time to start over. Loads of life experience and you are still young and active.

Get a decent divorce settlement and work on building up a new life. You never know. You may have enough money to train for a new career.

I used to see the men liking men thing at work, some years ago, they all cycled together, all bought expensive gear for cycling , all cycled, seemingly all the time.
They made fun of one guy who would go out on his wedding anniversary with them, rather than spend time with his wife. They had kids.

No idea if they are still together.

I'd be airtagging that bike...

She doesn't "need" him. That just sounds awful.

Have you got any hobbies that take you out of the house? What if you wanted to go out shopping or to a club then?

have you said something like ‘I miss you, I need you’ for example? And not just complained ? Not that you don’t have a right to complain. I’d be fucking furious but just trying a gentler approach?

Agree. Get your ducks in a row op x

Something is going on. Unless he is training to take on the tour de France, this is excessive training even for an avid cyclist. You need time to recover. Every obsessed cyclist will tell you. My husband is one of them and at his top obsessive stage, he would go Tuesday and Thursday for an hour, Saturday 7-1pm, occasionally a longer one, Sunday, out for 1-2 hours max.

I started again at 46 and I'm having the best time. It's better being on your own than miserable. Mine was snappy with us all, turns out it was an emotional affair. I was on my own for a bit and met someone else who's the complete opposite. You've a whole life ahead of you. Don't stay unhappy.

So next Saturday get up early and leave the house. Take yourself off for the day (leave a note so he doesn't leave DC alone) .

He's doing it because you're allowing him to.

I used the word 'nagging' due to Op's post about her husband saying. "I only go because you're always at me."
He sees it as nagging, not me.

How do you know she's "nagging"? Is it because she's a woman?
Why should she accommodate, accept and even promote this level of selfishness?

As a cyclist myself. He isn't cycling all that time.
1000% he's lying

I know a couple of men who have used cycling as an excuse for an affair. One I saw an upload of strava to his affair partners house. It soon disappeared.

Sorry op, he's up to no good.

It’s not 15 hours a week. It’s more than 22 hours a week.

op you are not going mad, it’s completely ridiculous. You have no relationship. If you divorce, you will be fine. Honestly.

Is he on Strava? Are you? You can follow his progress on there. As a cyclist he will almost definitely be tracking his training and then spending an hour looking at his times and his personal bests. If he's not on Strava, I would guess he's cheating x