Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

Your son is going to cringe with embarrassment in the future when he thinks back to this.

I dare you to do the whole PDA thing with your DH the next time you go out with them 🤣.

Let them have their sulk. If they can afford to go skiing in a whim I’m surprised they needed to stay with you in London.

I actually think you have made a mistake here.

The PDA, while annoying, is pretty standard for people in their early 20s and really, you should be either ignoring, rolling your eyes or making pointed comments like, "ooh, DS, didn't know you couldn't feed yourself any more, good thing Lizzie is here to do it for you."|

The rude comments ARE anoying but it does rather sound like she's no tjust sprouting random cliches. I'd have thought a few pointed comments - eg when she comments on your jarred sauce "I know, it's not the real thing. But i've only got 10 minutes and this is easy for me." or even "I know you don't mean to upset me but those comments are upsetting for me and make me feel you're judging me?" would be far better.

Personally, I WOULD apologise. I think you're at risk of being that annoying MIL. It's not that this young women isn't irritating, she is, but you've over reacted and made it worse and risk alienating your son. I'd say something like, "I'm sorry that conversation went the way it did. I've been finding it really hard hearing all the criticisims. I know you didn't mean me personally but it's hard not to take it personally when I'm just trying to prep a meal or whatever."

The reality is that peopl ein their 20s have very black and white thinking. It would be far more useful if, as you have said she IS intelligent, you could start getting her to think about other things. eg "Yes, convenience food can be a problem. But it's part of a broader societal issue which is some combination of time, skills and money. What do you thini is the solutoin to a parent who wants to make their children a meal they'll actually eat and only has 15 minutes? How can governments/communities/schools/workplaces support this?"

Italians in many parts are also expected to have wine with lunch, which is far more than I can stomach when I’m there, hardly ‘very healthy’! And very unmumsnetty.

serving jacket potatoes with no salad for dinner is madness.

😀Yes. Bye, Felicia.

Excellent news

There are v. good Italian restaurants in Edinburgh. And Scottish people are much thinner. She'll love it there.

this exactly. just bitter moaning and gossiping because your too afraid to open your mouth and tell someone they're being rude.

and then being miserable and rude about anyone but especially women who aren't doormats.

I mean alot of what she said is true. Other cultures as well as much more spade is a spade basically.

We seem to be the only place where we all hide behind this layer of fake politeness of everything is lovely and everyone of lovely while we sit mad.

But you’ve told him you dislike yet another girlfriend and now they have left.

If you don’t like comments call them out at the time. Set boundaries but basically waiting till you have a nice little list of grievances then calling a meeting was never and will never end well.

He continues to think you basically just dislike any women who gets close to him, she dislikes you now. You’ve ended up down a horrible path if this is the relationship that lasts. If it doesn’t next time maybe call things out as they are and don’t be so uptight about sharing a dessert or a young couple sitting on a lap in a pub. It was a sit not a lap dance.

Exactly i have no idea why the thread was started to suggest this. Sorry but British youngsters aren't always any better behaved. Very ignorant to suggest this is a cultural issue when clearly it's just an issue that relates to one person .

Also: Italians eat VERY healthy, so pulling out processed foods, fish n chips will have her go bonkers

They really aren’t very healthy. Lots of fatty oily starchy foods and the portion sizes are gargantuan. I have 8 aunties and uncles, more cousins than I can count and very few are slim

If she was making passive aggressive comments to try to prove she was loved more by him she's won.

Interestingly if your DS was a DD we'd might be wondering about coercive control - as in creating a divide between the person & their family.

I think having the 'talk' was massively overstepping & now it'll be hard work to rebuild your trust with your DS.

Yep.

And if you believe him, OP, you'll believe anything. You really messed up here.

I've had a few Italian friends in my life, and they have been lovely, and loving friends, never rude or judgmental, why would I choose a friend like that?
Why would your son?

This person's personality has nothing to do with her heritage, her culture, it's just her.
Judging others is a weapon and when, eventually, it turns on your DS, that will most likely put an end to the romance.

I'm absolutely not surprised at their change of plans.

You won't have to deal with her now op. It's all sorted 👍

GF can certainly dish it out … but can’t take it in.

@CienAnosDeSoledad - I don't know where you are eating. I'm British with lots of European friends and they adore our food. Loads of fresh fruit and veg, excellent cheese and bread, wide varieties of herbs and spices used in imaginative ways.

And of course it is rude and untrue to say all Brits are fat and ugly. Some are, some aren't. Just like everywhere else in the world.

That's the response of a son who doesn't want to go any further into that discussion with you.
She feels unwelcome now, which is true you don't like her and she's not welcome, but now you'll see less of your son.

I really cant understand some of what you've written but I'll respond with what I think you were saying.

I didnt say the OP had no fruit and veg but the demon Italian gf commented on it twice I think. Is it so wrong of her to be surprised theres no fruit with bfast and no veg with dinner? I mean that's fairly standard and if the teenagers arent used to seeing that maybe it's a good thing someones pointed it out, even if it comes across a bit rude.

You suggested that OPs husband is only disagreeing with her because he wants his dick sucked (disgusting btw.) That's a bit far fetched and I think he has a point. OP hasnt (by her own admission) liked any of her sons gfs. OP (by her own admission) has high bmi so is possibly extra sensitive to comments that are just true and fair.

I've never said OPs daughters weren't attractive (where are you reading this?) I've said that teenage girls arent blind to today's beauty standards so I dont think the Italian will have done any harm by saying British people in general arent considered attractive and have a problem with weight - this is true. It's a generalisation but it's for the most part true, we simply arent the most attractive nation, it is what it is. Like when I go on holiday to europe i always think the women from Norway through to Portugal are much healthier looking than us. Our combination of carb heavy, sedentary lifestyles mixed with long winters and lack of sunlight just isnt as attractive as people who eat healthier, exercise, drink less and spend more time outdoors.

I'm not bashing OP im disagreeing with her. Personally I'd have put up with the gf, maybe had a quiet word with son about PDAs and just given her the benefit of the dount instead of sitting them down and listing all the things the girl has done that she (alone) has an issue with. It will have come across as an attack and is unnecessary. They are young kids in love and in their early 20s will still be figuring everything out.

Absolutely! Also I can’t cope with the mental gymnastics of “She’s just being honest!” Whilst OP is being told to STFU about her own honesty.

I have the stance that just because people have children they can’t demand respect from them. I would never sit in silence as my kids abused my hospitality

At the end of the day there more than welcome to pay thousands for accounts ion in London but suspect they won’t. OP doesn’t have to go anywhere. It’s far more in their interest to change their ways than it is for the OP to be a walkover

This. ^

Her delivery might be blunt but bolognese sauce from a jar is rank.

He probably fancies her silly man

Well, she may be attractive, intelligent … but she’s not gracious, not emotionally intelligent or kind. She does not know how to get along with people or fit-in. Immature.

What I would expect, from any GF BF staying at my house — is for them to pitch in as part of the family. I generally assign tasks if people are in my kitchen and house and are “idle.”

She is well beyond the guest phase.

What I do know about some Italian people, young ones is that their Momma does it all around the house while they just sit there. We have one in our family, when they come to our holiday home they are “on vacation” and do not lift a finger. While everyone else helps prepare meals, tidy up, do errands … the young adult Italian just sits back and relaxes and is a bit demanding (and overdressed in a costume-y way for a casual holiday at a private home. Like an advert “I’m on holiday”!!). The Italian must have meals at a certain time, must have pasta followed by a meat dish. Clothing & hair impeccable. I’ll be honest we don’t invite them any more.

Part of our family experience is getting everyone involved in meal prep, and tidy up. We don’t have staff and also think impt for kids to learn these skills. Being a bad houseguest is unforgivable … I don’t want my kids to be bad houseguests.

Hovering around and giving commentary is rude.

Too bad they are upset, I can imagine she is saying very bad things about you to your son. It will be interesting how he handles this. Pawing him in the pub and sitting on his lap is not European … it’s a territorial girl behavior.

Brits are fat, not good looking (being polite) and the food is shit.

Naomi Harris
Keira Knightley
Cara Delevigne
Orlando Bloom
Liz Hurley
Lewis Hamilton
Idris Elba
Kate Moss
Naomi Campbell
Julia Davis
Cat Deeley… and hundreds if not thousands of others who aren’t famous or well-known. Classic examples of fat, unattractive Brits. Jesus.

I’ve visited several countries in Eastern Europe and while the food I had was certainly edible and some I enjoyed, it certainly wasn’t anything to write home about and gave some of my friends indigestion every time we ate out. It was stodgy, salty and cooked with lard. I remember a school trip where none of the students ate at meal times based at the hostel bc it looked and was disgusting and the ppl working in the kitchen were clearly extremely offended. Even the packed lunches were gross to most ppl - and no it wasn’t that they were used to eating pre-packaged crap and McDonald’s, it’s bc it was mainly grey and sludge green and was at times difficult to ascertain meat from vegetables - but everyone knows British food is THE WORST SLOP in Europe if not the world 🙄