Older relatives not understanding WFH...

In ministry I've always worked from home My mother thought I only worked Sundays until she came to stay for a week and hardly saw me because I was working except on my one day off

I was in the middle of a call the other day-doing the talking and my other half was annoyed I didn't open the door to his daughter banging on it (he had the key and was with her) . he said I'm sure they could wait. 😆

I don't have this with older relatives because I don't have any older relatives, but:

This morning my husband came into my office 3 times, the last time to check I was OK. For context, he is retired, I still work 3 days a week. I am receiving treatment for cancer and I get tired quickly, so I do most of my productive work in the morning - as in I do stuff I need to concentrate on. When he comes in he wants to chat but that not only takes up my working time, it destroys my concentration and I lose track of what I'm doing.

My sister retired about 3 years ago. She doesn't live locally to me but we do try and catch up. I haven't been able to go and see her for a bit as I'm not well enough. As I said, I only work 3 days a week. Our conversations go - 'Can I come and see you next week?' Yes that would be lovely. I work on Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday but Monday or Friday would be great. 'How about Tuesday?' I work on Tuesday. 'Oh OK, Wednesday?' I work on Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. ' Just for lunch? You must be able to have a lunchbreak?' I get 30 minutes for lunch and when I have that depends on meetings, so that doesn't really work for me. 'Oh well, I don't know when I can fit it in then.'

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhh!!!!!

You are being totally unreasonable and making it sound as though your obviously caring parents have lost their marbles. A bit of empathy on your part and a little suggestion of something they could do for you would go along way. You should be glad they are both still able to do that.

As an older person (68) can I tell my experience. Working from home was never thought of as having set hours or tasks and was assumed to be a cushy number. Then came COVID and the rules were redrawn completely and maybe my generation don’t fully understand and it has to be explained.
If you are working at home, you want to keep your job and manage your hours to suit yourself just as you would do if you were in the office, taking best advantage of your breaks.
My son and DIL both work from home and live close by. After a couple of mistakes on my part of assuming they would have time to see me, we now have “rules of engagement” and respect each other’s time and commitments. It was difficult but it needed to be pointed out and we talked about it and are better friends as a result.
For neighbours, I think I would put a business like sign on your door saying something like “I am not available at the moment. Working from home between 8am and 4pm”. Please call back later”.
For friends, they should understand but you could say your work have a new monitoring system and you really can’t risk any interruptions. Please help me out by respecting these new rules and if I can’t see you it’s not personal. If you could stand your ground for a few weeks, it should get the point across, I hope! Good luck 🤞

Yep ! Friends always asking "what are you doing for half term". . we don't have half term. It's university!

"When do you break up?"... The students finish on xx date but I just book annual leave like any other working person. I'm not a teacher. It's not school holidays.

Other friends always asking about meeting for a coffee but somehow do not mean weekends but I am at work all week 🤷🏻

Exactly the same! And no matter how many times I say I'm working, she still thinks I'm off and have all day to whatever she needs a hand with!

This made me laugh ! In the middle of a massive work meeting for me today - remote online but I had to do an important presentation - my 84 year old neighbour wandered in to ask if I could build her a wardrobe at some point this week and move some furniture for her. Not a problem but right now I’m working. Thankfully husband was home today (he works a four day week) and fielded the questions and made her a coffee etc. he made the furniture arrangements. Older people just make me laugh.

Oh, I agree with you! But since I can't claim to be a perfect specimen of humanity, I have to allow her some flaws too.

I dunno.....you say "commits to her friendships" I'd say "needy"

Funnily enough she is self-employed! She is just a people-person to the most ridiculous extent it's hard to explain. Her partner actually had to reason with her as whenever she goes anywhere, she schedules multiple visits to people en route, and he was sick of 2h journeys taking all day because she'd literally schedule 4-5 stops to see friends.

She has moved a couple of times, and is always a member of 2-3 clubs in each location, and stays friends with everyone from those clubs so far as she can when she moves.

So to be fair to her, she very much commits to her friendships, and doesn't understand anyone not doing the same. For me it's more about ebb and flow, and spending quality time - I'd rather a proper catch up than a flash in the pan visit. But because I go with the flow, I prefer others to do the same.

Does the whiner friend work?
Do they work for themselves?
I have encountered this 'now is our time, you must forget work' attitude a few times, but never with another freelancer, self-employed, nor company owner

a friend who whines at you is not a friend

I was setting up as a freelancer, and I had to end a meeting promptly to drive to a train to meet a friend. I needed five minutes to send a quick email whilst I was with the friend to clarify follow up actions I was going to take within the working day. I have lots of freelancer friends and I am fine with this.

Not so this friend - she whined about me not concentrating on her, and said that I worked too hard.

Thing is, I definitely don't work too hard, I just balance my time by making small adjustments. She's a very bossy person, and doesn't seem things other people's way. She's generally a good friend, but she has this single mindedness that friends come first on every way and expect others to do the same.. My other friends tend to feel that life is all in the balance, and indeed we mix business with pleasure a lot.

I agree
If they a really a friend, they will understand

why not?

Thinking about it a bit more - my neighbour (then in her 70s and this was nearly 20 years ago) thought 'working from home' meant the rather dodgy piecemeal cash in hand jobs you could get - stringing the drawstrings on JD sports bags - sticking things in envelopes etc... or some sort of little craft hobby.

The idea of actual, serious, properly paying work, from home - that was alien to her.

I also think that the majority of the harm might not be the people bragging about being able to pick up the kids or go to golf..

It is the people with rubbish 'side hustles' who are absolutely doing fuck all with their pyramid scheme MLM thing bar a few posts a day on Facebook and harrassing people they haven't talked to since high school via messenger. These are the people who post all over the place that they 'WFH' and have soooooo much freedom, with a shot of a hot chocolate or fancy coffee in the background, taken at a cafe somewhere pretty.

But of course they do, they actually don't have a proper job either employed or self employed, and are just telling lies.

My sister, who works random shifts as a delivery driver and also is a private chauffeur for a local businessman, so she should understand that work is a thing, might not mean sitting in an office, people have shifts and might finish late etc.

Rings me at all hours, particularly on a Friday or Saturday, wittering on about absolute shite (because she is either on the way to somewhere, bored, or sat in a car, bored), without ever taking a second to ask if I am busy, working, doing something important to me.

Every time I tell her 'I am working, I need to go' she continues to witter, and then 'oh but it's Friday night...' or 'oh but it's Saturday!'..

I have worked every Friday and Saturday, and my shifts are 2pm to 10pm and have been for the better part of FOUR BLOODY YEARS!

She turns up without asking, and then winds up the dogs, then complains that the dogs are silly, asks if I can take a break (I don't really have breaks, I'm not an employee so there is no statutory break every however many hours. I just have to ensure I answer questions within the 1 hour turnaround time). Starts asking me things when she can SEE for herself that I am answering someones question...

Back when we had to take phone calls or do zooms, she would absolutely interrupt or even interject. She tried to offer a client advice by talking over me once. Another time I was in a zoom with some of the big bosses from insertmultinationalpetfoodcohere and she's in the fucking background WAVING 'hello!' like this is bloody Omegle (my partner hauled her out of the room by her arm both times).

She does not truly believe what I do is really a job, nor does it occur that I might need to concentrate on it. I think thats the real issue.

She also seems to think I am here to do her admin, anything tech related and that this is more important than my own work!

I agree, in fact I wish MN would do something about it. She posted some absolute trite on a thread a while ago which really upset the OP. I responded to OP to say ignore, the advice is from the dark ages 1950's housewife era and never aligns with any responses anyone else has made. I was not rude, just stated pretty much that and my comment was deleted so I am guessing it was reported. Whilst we all have very differing opinions to be heard this particular poster seems to be deliberately inflammatory. What I can't work out if they are true thoughts or a troll.

The latter. I actually think that they're drunk a lot of the time. They post utter rubbish on a daily basis.

OP, you are doing too much.
A long call every evdning and she is livjng with two people?
Ridiculous.
You need to mind yourself.
You sound as if you could become burnt out.
Compose a text of voice mail with a list of what you do and how busy you are with work, house, children etc., Keep sending it to your mother on a daily basis for a couple of weeks.

My friend did this to her newly retired mother whom suddenly expected her calls to be answered immediately and my friend was loosing her mind.

Her mother had ALWAYS worked full-time which really irritated her as her career always came first.
But now she expected her daughter to be available.
It took a big falling out between them for boundaries to be firmly put in place.

I use the time I've clawed back from my commute for my own enjoyment, though having wfh for nearly 10 years it's not a novelty anymore.

You are a kind person!

Makes me chuckle as well at the cluelessness of that comment. When my husband starting WFH (he is a contractor on a day rate) the company got about 4-5 hours a day more from him than when he went into the office and he wasn't commuting so spent that time working. A bargain for them as it was a day rate rather than an hourly rate.

Those of us not lacking in social awareness, emotional intelligence and critical thinking knew who you were referring to :)