Older relatives not understanding WFH...

I get really cross when I see in the media or on TikTok etc people making out that we do not do anything. Mouse jigglers etc. I work so hard at home. Probably harder than in the office. There is a perception that home is easy. Only thing easier is being able to hoover at lunch and not travelling over an hour each way!

I do think some people who WFH perpetuate this impression though - lots of the school parents will do drop off, pick up, trip to the library, sell ice creams for the PTA, look after their sick kids at home - because they’re ‘working from home that day’. Maybe some of them are arranging this in lunch breaks or whatever but they do definitely give the impression of having time for a lot of non-work-related activities during the working day.

I partially blame the unhelpful (recent) narrative that work should come second to everything, it’s not as important as family/hobbies/friends/downtime/Netflix/an everything shower; but actually earning money facilitates all of that stuff, and if you slope off from the job too much then they are within their rights to stop paying you for it.

why do you answer the phone?

Oh I worked at my parents for a few days for a change of scenery after lockdown and they seemed genuinely shocked that I went in the dining room every morning, shut the door and worked until 5pm! I lost track of how many times I told them not to disturb me or just come barging in the room because I was on zoom meetings.

I am in my 50’s and have WFH since 2009.
8 of those I lived with my dad who I also became carer for.
My job was no set hours, and my dad would silently pop cups of tea into me and give me the thumbs up.
Sandwiches would appear by magic.
And when I needed a break I would go and sit in his lounge and we’d watch Friends together.
He was very proud of my work as I had been very ill and had to give up my previous career.
He understood and he was in his 80’s! He didn’t know one end of a laptop from another, but it’s not bloody rocket science.
For a long time I worked in social media (it was like the Wild West years I loved it!) and he did tell people I ‘worked on the Tweet with the celebrities’ which I loved as well.
I did get to go events now and again and took him as my plus one. Because I worked in celeb land, he memorised who they all were and he was such good fun. He especially loved the goodie bags and would share them with his beloved cleaner.
I digress. Anyone who doesn’t get it is using it as an excuse - they just want to dominate you and use your time.

Religiously phone your Mum more... at a time that is convenient to your work and family life.
Twice a week.
Also invite her once a yaer to stay for a couple of days while you are working and the kids are on holidays.

I absolutely hear this - love my parents to bits but at the weekend they said " just chill out and slow down you're such a stresser".. YES, because I have a full time job, children, and run around like a nutter 7 days a week to ensure I can help you and you see your grandchildren etc etc. 😭

My mum and dad both worked but seem to have forgotten what it entails. My dad's look of absolute horror when I worked over Christmas was almost comical. I go to see them when I can, but I sense they think it's not enough but I literally work all the time so generally take leave to see them.

My mum is just like this. Shall I pop in for a cuppa?! No, I'm working. She calls in the middle of the day and gets offended that I don't answer. It's infuriating!

I've actually found my parents (in their 70s) are the complete opposite - they assume I am working 100% of the time at full capacity when WFH, and are therefore surprised when I have the time and flexibility to run something over to them or pick something up during the day, for example. I wonder if your parents have read too many Jacob Rees-Mogg treatises

I have to go out of the house to work. I can't run my station and track through my flat! But my neighbour works from home and I've heard her shout on her phone telling loved ones she's AT WORK and NO I CAN'T come round now!

I've never had an office job but I can definitely imagine what WFH is like.
You respect the working hours just as you would anywhere else! I suppose the main difference I see is that WFH you can stick a wash on, or even go for a shower on your lunch break, while WFH but not in an office etc. If non-work folk phone, other than say school (in case of emergency), then don't answer, same with the door. Stick up a 'WFH - please don't disturb' if necessary. I used to occasionally do my research at home, reading online etc, when I had a lab-based research job - I was still working, and made that clear, setting breaks and times I could be available.

I think you should stop answering phone calls during work hours. Have an honest chat with them about how you are still responsible for bringing in money to your family and accountable for the hours you work. Explain that just because you don't leave to go to the office, doesn't mean that your hours are flexible or any less valid than someone who does leave to go to the office. When they ask you to come and visit during the holidays, ask who is going to work for you, because it's not going to do itself and you rely on that money to feed your family.

Oh God tell me about it. I live in the same village as my mum and I often pop over to help her w/ something in the mornings, but she's getting slower and slower despite being physically fit, its just faffing. She's always been a faffer but its ramped up exponentially with age. I've told her I have to start work at a certain time. She doesn't get it. She doesn't get why x time means x time, not fifteen or twenty minutes later. I've explained so many times that I'm collaborating w/ people and need to be online.

Its honestly becoming a major source of stress in my life. I'm starting to think the only way she's going to get it is if I refuse to come, but its not a major task and I could so easily pop over and do it if she wouldn't faff.

How do you cure faffing?

This is not age-related, @TickingAlongNicely, it's related-related unless you can say younger rels don't do this.

Holy shit. I am medically retired but I'm getting secondhand anxiety reading all these posts.

Don't you ever take time off work? I know it's harder to do when self employed but, ime, it's really important to give yourself those days off and the rest of the family will appreciate it too.

These are just clueless people. Age has little to do with it. I’m in my 70s and work from home much of the time, as do other older colleagues.

This must be absolutely maddening!
Even my 2-year-old granddaughter understands she mustn't go into Daddy's office because he's working in there

I've even had friends turn up unannounced to my office in the University, expecting to be entertained. One was offended because, as she said later 'you looked furious'. I was inwardly fuming of course, but not aware that it showed on my face. They are not friends any more.

Yep. My mother thinks it’s weirdly comical that she doesn’t understand what wfh is or how it could possibly happen. But I’m not surprised - I’m the only daughter and it doesn’t matter if I ran the country, my work would still be less important than that of my brothers.

I get it- my MIL used to refer to my 'day off' no MIL its my WFH day and you know what- I still have do do the W! I know I'm at home at the dining room table but no I can't just take a break at 10am Tuesday morning to chat about Brenda's piles. I can't just run to Sainsburys either as I have a meeting.
Bless her she is no longer with us. Would be way worse as I WFH all the time now with 2 office days a month.
Oh and I had a 'little job' apparently- yes the one that paid the mortgage until her son got established. I just buy hair ribbons and fripperies with 'my cash'
Thankfully her son does not have the attitudes she had.

I've somehow forgotten this. MIL will call DH to come to fix something, collect something for her or any number of tasks in the weekday. DH and I both WFH full time and its a 1hr round trip to her.
My SIL lives with MIL in her house and works part-time- 18hrs a week, but because she works in an office, MIL won't bother her!!! 🙄

Oh yes I work in a university and get this quite a lot. I get comments about the university closing over summer and having the entire summer off. I'm like errmm nope the uni doesn't close and busy were preparing for the new academic year 🤷‍♂️