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AIBU?

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Original poster

Awful reaction to my child

97 replies

Shellsash22 · 10/02/2025 21:54

Currently on holiday in tenerife
We are staying at a very child.friendly hotel with DD 15mths and Ds 3 just been to the resturant and our DD got a little bit of food stuck in her throat she was ok but enough for my DH to pick her up and slap her back just incase she was scared afterwards and started to cry alot until DH past her to me to calm her whilst he took our DS to the toilet
There were two women on the adjecent table looking agast at me with DD visibly upset they saw the whole incident and me calming her down whilst muttering under breath in their language i couldn't understand but they were obvs pissed off our DD was ruining their zen!
Then after several more nasty looks one of them started shouting at me as if to say shut her up!!@@ my blood is still boiling its not like our DD was screaming for the fun of it fgs she almost choked
I shouted back and not nicely!
AIBU to her reaction?? We are literally in the most kid friendly hotel on the island
Im shocked how she reacted to my poor baby in distress

OP posts:
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StormingNorman · 13/02/2025 20:06

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:56

So OP should have stopped, taken DD out and THEN dislodged the stuck food? You have about 3 minutes of no oxygen before it's too late.

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Obviously AFTER the child was safe and just needed to be calmed down.

Mainoo72 · 13/02/2025 20:02

StormingNorman · 13/02/2025 18:49

Crying children used to be taken out of restaurants to calm down. Good times.

Agreed

Mainoo72 · 13/02/2025 20:00

AnotherDayinTime · 13/02/2025 19:45

Continental women have a motherhood skills which far surpass the English women. They were concerned you were doing something wrong, the least

What a ridiculous generalisation.

Mainoo72 · 13/02/2025 19:59

Ugh, when you’re trying to eat dinner with a friend or partner the last thing you want is baby drama & screaming at the next table. They’re probably just trying to relax.

AnotherDayinTime · 13/02/2025 19:45

Continental women have a motherhood skills which far surpass the English women. They were concerned you were doing something wrong, the least

pollymere · 13/02/2025 19:44

LazyArsedMagician · 13/02/2025 18:26

How do you get a 15 month old to cough?

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Mine understood coughing at that age. Copy Mummy is the best option.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 19:43

Hoppinggreen · 13/02/2025 19:31

Imagine them speaking Spanish in a place where thats the native language, what utter cows

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Just to spite OP no less
Don't they know everyone should speak English?

housethatbuiltme · 13/02/2025 19:32

80smonster · 10/02/2025 23:18

Um, this was posted at almost 10pm. What 3 year old eats their dinner at that time. Child friendly resort doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t follow child appropriate routines.

'child appropriate routine'... hilariously MN.

Hoppinggreen · 13/02/2025 19:31

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 18:53

Except we don't KNOW they were trying to antagonise

And FFS they might not speak English! Not everyone does! What a xenophobic comment tbh

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Imagine them speaking Spanish in a place where thats the native language, what utter cows

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 19:17

LadeedahYadaYada · 13/02/2025 19:06

Not on here to comment on the shouting - but if your child is choking on food then slapping their backs is not the best thing to do. Maybe read up on it in case it happens again.

You should get them to try and cough and then do 5 back blows to try and dislodge it if they can't cough/it won't dislodge...

Louisetheroux · 13/02/2025 19:06

Don't worry about it OP. Where were you, Playa de las Americas? I'm sure you're not the first family of screaming Brits they've encountered.

LadeedahYadaYada · 13/02/2025 19:06

Not on here to comment on the shouting - but if your child is choking on food then slapping their backs is not the best thing to do. Maybe read up on it in case it happens again.

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 19:03

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 18:59

No... the child was crying AFTER the food and been dislodged
Which is when they could have taken her out (or tried walking her round or done something other than just sit there with a crying child)

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Well that I agree with

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 18:59

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:56

So OP should have stopped, taken DD out and THEN dislodged the stuck food? You have about 3 minutes of no oxygen before it's too late.

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No... the child was crying AFTER the food and been dislodged
Which is when they could have taken her out (or tried walking her round or done something other than just sit there with a crying child)

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:56

StormingNorman · 13/02/2025 18:49

Crying children used to be taken out of restaurants to calm down. Good times.

So OP should have stopped, taken DD out and THEN dislodged the stuck food? You have about 3 minutes of no oxygen before it's too late.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 13/02/2025 18:53

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:41

So OP should have been perfectly calm after two people intentionally antagonised and tried to humiliate her during an already distressing situation? It's really not easy to stay chill after someone you love has just been in mortal danger. Obviously they were not saying anything kind, so like the cowards they are, yelled it in Spanish so OP couldn't understand.

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Except we don't KNOW they were trying to antagonise

And FFS they might not speak English! Not everyone does! What a xenophobic comment tbh

StormingNorman · 13/02/2025 18:49

Crying children used to be taken out of restaurants to calm down. Good times.

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:41

Sallyslider653 · 13/02/2025 18:35

Op in these instances it's better to direct the complainer to the restaurant manager and let them deal with it. Especially if there is a language barrier. You have no idea what the ladies were saying!

Even if the lady was being awful, how does it help you, your DC, other diners, or the staff, to engage in a shouting match?

So OP should have been perfectly calm after two people intentionally antagonised and tried to humiliate her during an already distressing situation? It's really not easy to stay chill after someone you love has just been in mortal danger. Obviously they were not saying anything kind, so like the cowards they are, yelled it in Spanish so OP couldn't understand.

Melodramat1c · 13/02/2025 18:39

I'm on your side, they sound like total cows hey were trying to make you feel even worse, if they were concerned like some are suggesting, they would have come over to offer help.

Sallyslider653 · 13/02/2025 18:35

Op in these instances it's better to direct the complainer to the restaurant manager and let them deal with it. Especially if there is a language barrier. You have no idea what the ladies were saying!

Even if the lady was being awful, how does it help you, your DC, other diners, or the staff, to engage in a shouting match?

LazyArsedMagician · 13/02/2025 18:26

pollymere · 11/02/2025 20:49

It is safer to encourage strong coughing if someone has something caught in their throat. The body is designed to expel things this way. You might end up throwing up but this also works to remove any item. Slapping on the back is the next stage but needs to be done effectively otherwise you're likely to make things worse or at the minimum scare the person! Only when both these fail should other methods be tried.

I'd have probably run over and got her coughing 😂 ... Because I wouldn't want a child to die when I could've helped even if I get shouted at by the parents.

You have no idea what they were saying. It could've have been horror at DD being whacked either based on abuse or medical knowledge. It could've been them talking about a cheating lover. Either way they failed to help so just ignore them and move on.

How do you get a 15 month old to cough?

LlamaDharma · 13/02/2025 18:18

Is it possible as they saw the whole thing unfold that the 'nearly' choked wasn't quite as bad as it seemed and they thought perhaps the resultant ensuing drama was a bit over the top? DH doesn't seem to have thought it was that serious as he immediately buggered off to the toilets with the other child anyway.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/02/2025 18:15

@Shellsash22 You have my total sympathy. I've stopped my daughter from choking twice in her (almost 😰) 7 years around the sun, with back slaps as her face was turning colour. Absolutely scary as fuck!! I understand why you wouldn't (didn't) go out of the restaurant.
Could you have asked a waiter to speak with the other women? Yes.
Could you have taken DD out of the restaurant? Yes.

But you didn't and I think you don't need all these others berating you.
What I do think you should do is try and move past the situation.
It's happened, you can't change it.
You're on holiday (hopefully) in the sun!
Try and enjoy the rest of your time and try and stay away from the other table women.
If they decide to continue it on, then speak to the hotel staff and ask for them to intervene.

BellaCiaoBellaCiao · 13/02/2025 18:08

Shellsash22 · 10/02/2025 22:09

I literally just told her to stop staring and shouting she was the agressor in the situation

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She’d have heard from me, that’s for sure. I’d have been over at their table in a flash.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/02/2025 18:04

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 10/02/2025 22:29

Okay? I was literally repeating back what you said - you said you shouted at her & I said in my opinion you shouldn't shout at people in front of your children if it can be avoided. You parent the way you want to.

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The woman was shouting at her first almost with her finger in the child's face.
I'm sure a lot of mothers would have shouted back