Page 3 | Apparently I'm being OTT with his hobby?

RainbowRead · 2025-02-10T20:21:50+00:00

DS had found a new hobby. I've tried him in lots of things and none have stuck. Fine, no point if he doesn't enjoy it. He has ADHD and really struggles in school. Am part of a network of parents who have kids with ADHD and ASD. Lots have advised to help son find something he can be really good at, which helps with the fact that he feels 'rubbish at school'. Lots of support in school but he just struggles with it. He's found BMXing, and is obsessed. He's been doing it a few months and has won a couple of races already. He's always beaming after. Constantly asking when his next race is. Actually wants to clean something (his bike!) and he's only 7! I'm entering him into a race every 3-4 weeks or so. Practice every Saturday and Wednesday. Coaching every other Sunday. All require me to freeze my arse off for hours at a time but I've never, ever seen him so happy. He's strangely doing better at school for it too (any idea how that works?!) Well, I've just got off the phone to my mum who thinks I'm doing too much, I'm going to wear him out, and I should focus on his school work (he's 7, he doesn't have school work!). He is behind a bit at school but not worryingly so. He categorically will not tolerate any continuation of school at home. The only thing we do is reading, then a bike ride most nights. Am I really going to wear him out? I genuinely think he could do well at BMXing. What's more is that he loves it. I don't have to push him at all. I'd be mad to cut down, right?

Endofyear · 10/02/2025 21:52

I'm so glad you've found something your son enjoys and is good at. It will do his self esteem and confidence a world of good! Don't worry about what you mum said - you know him best and you know what's best for him. Trust your own instincts. You sound like a great mum!

Dinosweetpea · 10/02/2025 21:49

This is amazing, the biking will be helping him to regulate which is why he is more focused at school. My ASD/ADHD daughter is exactly the same with a different form of exercise.

Flamingoknees · 10/02/2025 21:49

I feel so happy for your DS. Your DM is probably right that he is obsessing over it, but that's ADHD, and he's benefiting hugely from his obsession. You sound like a great mum.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/02/2025 21:42

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:27

She actually raised the fact that it's stopping me from dating, which it is, but I really, really don't care anymore.

Is that such a bad thing though Rainbow? If you're a regular on here you've seen all the threads about awful dates, domestic violence, coercive control etc.
You sound like an awesome mum and your son is lucky to have you. Ignore your mum. In my experience when people raise concerns about stuff it usually comes from a place of insecurity. It's usually their stuff not your stuff if you know what I mean. Obviously I don't know your mum or anything about it. If you're happy and DS is happy keep doing what you're doing.

HereComesEverybody · 10/02/2025 21:34

You sound like a fantastic mum!
I think you would be mad to make this a conditional thing or to link it or associate it with school. Talk about a sure fire way to suck any joy out of it & turn it into another pressure in his life!

You're doing brilliantly 👏

MissMoan · 10/02/2025 21:23

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 10/02/2025 20:25

I agree with you. He loves it, it will make him happier all round and who knows, he might perk up a bit at school if he is generally feeling better about himself. It will also keep him fit and give him confidence and a sense of achievement.

Sounds like you are being a great Mum.

This!
@IThoughtHeWasWithYou absolutely nails it!

LittleRedYarny · 10/02/2025 21:23

This is great, he’s going to learn so much from it, especially how to handle rejection. Looking back as someone with ADHD I handled disappointment, criticism and “failure” in my hobby so much better than I did at school, really helped build a bit of “resilience”

Plus the exercise is definitely good for ADHD!

MrsAvocet · 10/02/2025 21:19

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:27

She actually raised the fact that it's stopping me from dating, which it is, but I really, really don't care anymore.

Well you never know who you're going to meet at a BMX race! One of my friends met her now husband at her son's sports club...it can happen.
And even if you don't find a romantic partner, there's a good chance you'll at least make some friends for yourself. There are a lot worse things that a youngster can get involved in and there's so much to be gained from involvement in sport.As long as your DS is enjoying it, stick with it and have fun. Good luck to you both.

bridgetreilly · 10/02/2025 21:19

Do not make it part of any reward/discipline system. Let it be pure joy for him.

He’s 7. Fundamentally it will not make any difference whether or not he does homework at this age. What will make a difference is being happier generally, having motivation and doing lots of physical activity. You’re doing great, OP.

HoppityBun · 10/02/2025 21:16

Your mother means well but she’s talking nonsense. He’s happy and he’s doing well. Her job is to love him and support him, not be a back seat driver to your mothering. Plus there is plenty of evidence that homework, which is what I think your mother is getting at? is not only a waste of time but counterproductive.

GoingOverToTheDarkSide · 10/02/2025 21:13

Absolutely love this.
about four years ago my son had a similar light bulb moment. Ever since it’s been a full commitment. He finished 2nd in his world champs last summer. The sport, travel, coaching etc dominates our lives, time, finances in so so many ways but we have all gained so much from it.
and still people say ‘you’re doing too much…’ we don’t even try and argue now.

your son will know you are his absolute no1 fan, that’s unbeatable

from what I know if the bmx/mb community it’s lovely and inclusive and there’s the whole freestyle/skater vibe when he’s maybe older which is also known to be super accepting.
embrace it!

Iknjtjumpers · 10/02/2025 21:12

How refreshing to hear of a child enjoying being outdoors so much. It’s got to be far healthier than being stuck in his room glued to screens. Long may this new hobby continue.

Househunter2025 · 10/02/2025 21:12

Codlingmoths · 10/02/2025 20:46

I would definitely not stop it. However I would say we need to balance things in our life, and school is really important. Next year when you’re bigger, we will only do bmx comps if you’ve done some schoolwork with me, and we will have to start this year if you get behind. I would never stop you doing your hobby, but you will need to earn going to comps. I know you can do this.

Don't be mad. The child is seven. He does not need to be doing school work at home. Most kids get far too little exercise - this is far more important. He's already getting hours of school work a day.

MurdoMunro · 10/02/2025 21:09

As an adhd kid having things in my life that I loved and made no further demands on me than just the enjoyment of the thing were so rare. I got it from the dog, he enjoyed the same things as I did. I wish a parent or sibling could’ve helped me to do something like BMX, that would’ve been brilliant.

BunnyLake · 10/02/2025 21:06

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:27

She actually raised the fact that it's stopping me from dating, which it is, but I really, really don't care anymore.

Good for you. I think it all sounds fantastic and your son is so happy. Your mum is being weird and I know I’m biased, but my children being happy was far more important to me than dating. You never know he could be an Olympic champion in years to come 🏅

Evaka · 10/02/2025 20:58

This is a fabulous story aside from you mum being a tit.

Original poster

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:56

Codlingmoths · 10/02/2025 20:46

I would definitely not stop it. However I would say we need to balance things in our life, and school is really important. Next year when you’re bigger, we will only do bmx comps if you’ve done some schoolwork with me, and we will have to start this year if you get behind. I would never stop you doing your hobby, but you will need to earn going to comps. I know you can do this.

This will categorically not work. External rewards do not work for him. BMX is almost part of his identity now and I think turning it into something conditional would really affect him negatively. I think using it as leverage would just make him resentful. 'Once you've done your school work you can bike without having to worry about it' might work. 'You can't enter any competitions if you don't do your homework' will go down like a lead balloon.

OP posts:

Mandylovescandy · 10/02/2025 20:55

Sounds great and not that much really. Football kids seem to do way more. My ASD DC does similar amount of organised hobbies a week but we haven't really found the thing that he loves to the extent your son loves BMX and I wish we could as he could use a confidence boost of something he is good at and all the other benefits of sport

Codlingmoths · 10/02/2025 20:46

I would definitely not stop it. However I would say we need to balance things in our life, and school is really important. Next year when you’re bigger, we will only do bmx comps if you’ve done some schoolwork with me, and we will have to start this year if you get behind. I would never stop you doing your hobby, but you will need to earn going to comps. I know you can do this.

Original poster

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:43

MurdoMunro · 10/02/2025 20:38

Oh @CouchSpud thats made a lightbulb ping. Blimey. I’m adult diagnosed ADHD. I could NOT do team sports at school but I walked and walked and walked. For miles to my friend in the next village for a 20 minute chat then home again. Would take the dog out and do a circuit at 9 o’clock every night. So many other examples, but this isnt my thread, will go off and research that.

Yeah @RainbowRead your lad finding genuine happiness, enthusiasm etc for BMX sounds like a fantastic resource for both of you.

I'm happy for it to be a communal thread 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:42

Hotfeetcoldfeet · 10/02/2025 20:36

Don't doubt yourself, you are doing amazing as a mum. Your mum doesn't understand ADHD and isn't being responsive to it in what she is saying. The joy in your little lad should tell you all you need to know about how to get the best out of him. My daughter is similar but with another sport. It's time consuming and expensive but she loves it and she is leaning loads from it - lots of life lessons best achieved through sport I reckon!

This is so true. He's had a couple of races where he got a DNF because he came off. It's taught him how to deal wit h failure at something he's very good at, which he doesn't get at school. He just feels like he's shit at everything because school is not designed for kids like him. Reading and writing are so, so hard for him. He will get there, but at the moment he NEEDS his BMX. I'm just ranting now but I look back on the days where we didn't have a hobby, and nothing brought him this kind of joy apart from tv and school ending. Being able to say 'come on let's go down to the track for an hour' after a rubbish day is a godsend. The fact that the TV hardly goes on anymore is a win too. Even in the house, I've got a bit of cardboard on the wall so he can practice balancing whilst watching the television. I think she just thinks he's too obsessed with his bike, whereas I see it as a good thing.

OP posts:

MurdoMunro · 10/02/2025 20:38

Oh @CouchSpud thats made a lightbulb ping. Blimey. I’m adult diagnosed ADHD. I could NOT do team sports at school but I walked and walked and walked. For miles to my friend in the next village for a 20 minute chat then home again. Would take the dog out and do a circuit at 9 o’clock every night. So many other examples, but this isnt my thread, will go off and research that.

Yeah @RainbowRead your lad finding genuine happiness, enthusiasm etc for BMX sounds like a fantastic resource for both of you.

AnSolas · 10/02/2025 20:38

He is calm and happy with what he is doing so keep doing it. Plenty of children train if they love what they are doing.

Try get him to start a professional diary memoir and work it around what he is doing in school?

Track conditions, timings, other bits and bobs for english and handwriting
Maths fractions: his place v number of races, number of turns per race etc

Hotfeetcoldfeet · 10/02/2025 20:36

Don't doubt yourself, you are doing amazing as a mum. Your mum doesn't understand ADHD and isn't being responsive to it in what she is saying. The joy in your little lad should tell you all you need to know about how to get the best out of him. My daughter is similar but with another sport. It's time consuming and expensive but she loves it and she is leaning loads from it - lots of life lessons best achieved through sport I reckon!

xRobin · 10/02/2025 20:36

RainbowRead · 10/02/2025 20:27

She actually raised the fact that it's stopping me from dating, which it is, but I really, really don't care anymore.

Oh my god 😂 sounds like my Mum!
Would she, by any chance, have something to say if you weren’t interested in your son’s hobbies and went out dating every night instead?
You can’t please some people, and someone has to be related to those people.
You sound like a great Mum!
Your son’s confidence will be growing because he’s finally excelling at something and that confidence will spill into his school life because he’ll be a little braver to try.
Well done Mum!