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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sat here crying

65 replies

ThatsLifee · 10/02/2025 19:59

So my ex and I broke up a while ago now and within weeks he was with another woman. He is now taking the children away with her etc. I am just sat here crying as I knew this man for so so long and now he just feels like a complete stranger. Does it get any easier?

OP posts:
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Pessismistic · 15/08/2025 22:43

Hey op he’s just thinking of himself he’s been really horrible doing this to your kids they have probably struggled with him not being around and now they have to fit in with his new life. Selfish twat he probably pushed you on purpose to bin him and he probably already had her in place. You will get there in time just remember how awful he was and try to keep in your head you chose this so it must have been necessary.

GreyCarpet · 11/02/2025 17:40

ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 11:30

Personally I don’t think think I could get with somebody who has just come out of a 20 year relationship

You don't have to. But he isn't you and he can do what he likes.

She isn't you either and she can do what she likes.

RhaenysRocks · 11/02/2025 13:53

That's not your problem op. Karma isn't real and the last thing you should go is hang your happiness in what he is doing. It's irrelevant.

Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 11:30

Personally I don’t think think I could get with somebody who has just come out of a 20 year relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 11:30

Some days I am fine, others (especially now I am due in my period) I cry, a LOT. Hopefully it will just get to a point where I can no longer cry anymore

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 11/02/2025 10:33

ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:38

Is karma even real?

Show quote history

No it's not. Which is why it's better to take responsibility for your own life and choices.

Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 10:31

When I spoke to him a few weeks ago he just said I didn’t want him in my life anymore. Well no, I tried really hard to make it work

OP posts:
LazyArsedMagician · 11/02/2025 09:56

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You cannot be serious.

He had this woman sitting in the wings, yes of course anyone broken up with is entitled to move on within their own timeline, but please. This man clearly engineered a break up so he could get his end away with another woman but be "blameless".

A "broken" man does not behave like this, be so for real.

LazyArsedMagician · 11/02/2025 09:48

Men hardly ever move on without another warm body to go to.

He's been even worse, because it's clearly been calculated in that he's treated you like shit to make YOU the bad guy by splitting you up - when clearly he was just waiting for the opportunity to get with this other woman!

You will feel better soon, I promise. Find your anger. What an absolute bastard to do this to his wife, the mother of his children.

ShyAmberHam · 11/02/2025 09:43

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ShyAmberHam · 11/02/2025 09:38

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Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:38

Porkyporkchop · 11/02/2025 08:25

Same thing happened to me Op, and seeing my kids go off with him and his woman was like a knife in my heart.
years on i am happily married to a wonderful man and truly happy. Ex however, he has lied and cheated on her multiple times and is still the same nasty man he was before.
karma will come , you’ll see

Edited

Is karma even real?

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 11/02/2025 08:28

jeaux90 · 11/02/2025 06:52

Come on now, this is nonsense. Plenty of men live alone and are proper grown ups. Don't sell OP this line.

Her ex is an asshole.

It's important to tell the truth and offer hope, the hope being she will get through this, be stronger and probably move on to better things!

Show quote history

Ok. SOME men.

RhaenysRocks · 11/02/2025 08:27

OP you are more than likely crying for the loss of the family unit, rather than him. My ex left and married OW a decade ago. I was a mess for about eight weeks until he said and did such utterly dickish things that a switch flipped and I hated him. He rarely sees the kids now, does a lot of criticising from a distance about what I'm doing and I revel in my independence. It can be lonely bro g the only adult in the house but it's a trade off. It will get better. Try not to give too much headspace to his new relationship..you can't control it anyway and it will just annoy you as he swans about with his "free".

Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:27

Porkyporkchop · 11/02/2025 08:25

Same thing happened to me Op, and seeing my kids go off with him and his woman was like a knife in my heart.
years on i am happily married to a wonderful man and truly happy. Ex however, he has lied and cheated on her multiple times and is still the same nasty man he was before.
karma will come , you’ll see

Edited

How long did it take you. In hindsight was it the best thing for you? I’m worried as I am 34 and not getting any younger get and nowhere near ready for any kind of relationship, on a brighter note I could have put up with his shit for longer

OP posts:
Porkyporkchop · 11/02/2025 08:25

Same thing happened to me Op, and seeing my kids go off with him and his woman was like a knife in my heart.
years on i am happily married to a wonderful man and truly happy. Ex however, he has lied and cheated on her multiple times and is still the same nasty man he was before.
karma will come , you’ll see

GreyCarpet · 11/02/2025 08:24

ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:22

He was 90 minutes late to pick them up on Sunday and my daughter told me when he got back to his flat she was there. Priorities 🙄

This is one of those 'accept the things you cannot change' things though.

Believe me, I'm no stranger to the dickhead ex experience but what has sitting crying about any of it actually achieved? Other than to make you feel worse?

Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:22

He was 90 minutes late to pick them up on Sunday and my daughter told me when he got back to his flat she was there. Priorities 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsLifee · 11/02/2025 08:20

HereNext · 11/02/2025 07:30

He was cheating on you, and was an asshole so you had to end the relationship - what a manipulative prick.

He'll cheat on the new woman.

Keep your head held high. You will feel better - maybe not today, but the pain will turn into strength.

It’s just so annoying that he just seems absolutely fine and happy with his new woman and I am struggling so much.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 11/02/2025 08:11

ssd · 11/02/2025 07:58

Men are different to us, its as simple as that. They are more cut and dried, black or white. They move on quicker. They are less emotional, more live in the moment. They don't seem to ruminate and fret like we do. They carry on and naturally put themselves first.

Lucky bastards. I'm definitely coming back as a man.

I disagree with this.

You could be describing me here in your description of men and I've certainly known plenty of men struggle to get over a break up and take long periods of time to work on themselves before dating again.

I think it's far more likely that women are the ones who are socialised and conditioned to base their self worth on whether or not they are in a relationship and it's usually the women who are left with the children which makes going out and finding someone new more difficult.

Men are not different to 'us'.

ssd · 11/02/2025 07:58

Men are different to us, its as simple as that. They are more cut and dried, black or white. They move on quicker. They are less emotional, more live in the moment. They don't seem to ruminate and fret like we do. They carry on and naturally put themselves first.

Lucky bastards. I'm definitely coming back as a man.

fourelementary · 11/02/2025 07:39

ThatsLifee · 10/02/2025 20:53

What is annoying is that it was me who ended it. I couldn’t put up with his selfish ways anymore he left me no choice to be honest.

Show quote history

Why are you crying after him then? Kindly, get a grip.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 11/02/2025 07:38

I'd be upset for myself, but more upset and so bloody angry that he has introduced his new squeeze to your kids after such a short period of time.
Channel your energy into legally getting you and your kids in a financially secure place, and formally sorting access, etc.

Pussycat22 · 11/02/2025 07:37

Of course you will my love, but it has to be worked at . There is lots of information about self care out there. You need to care for yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually. Keep pushing through , you will eventually come through.xx

HereNext · 11/02/2025 07:32

Great advice from GreyCarpet.