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Original poster

Why can’t friends be happy for me?

39 replies

makiela · 10/02/2025 19:31

I really worked on myself last year. Got back on medication, lost some weight, made way more effort with my appearance and clothes, got a new job with a much better salary - I don’t talk about my salary but obviously mentioned the new job.

One friend just seems to have really turned on me. Snide comments, she had a gathering and told a joke at my expense to people I don’t even know to be laughed at.

She used to make a big deal of me not putting myself out there and being more confident. Now I have and she seems to hate me for it.

OP posts:
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Meanttobeworking · 11/02/2025 09:50

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 10/02/2025 19:44

She probably liked feeling superior to you beforehand. Now you've stepped out of the "box" that she put you in, she doesn't like it.

This is what I think too. She’s not jealous she’s annoyed that you’re no longer the hapless friend she can feel a bit smug about “helping”.

Alalalala · 11/02/2025 09:44

She’s behaving like she hates you. Don’t spend time and energy on someone like that.

Well done on all your positive steps OP 💪🏼

Disturbia81 · 11/02/2025 09:42

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 10/02/2025 19:44

She probably liked feeling superior to you beforehand. Now you've stepped out of the "box" that she put you in, she doesn't like it.

This
Nasty weak people.

Jumpingthruhoops · 10/02/2025 23:13

makiela · 10/02/2025 19:31

I really worked on myself last year. Got back on medication, lost some weight, made way more effort with my appearance and clothes, got a new job with a much better salary - I don’t talk about my salary but obviously mentioned the new job.

One friend just seems to have really turned on me. Snide comments, she had a gathering and told a joke at my expense to people I don’t even know to be laughed at.

She used to make a big deal of me not putting myself out there and being more confident. Now I have and she seems to hate me for it.

Real friends ARE happy for you; evidently this person isn't a real friend. She's jealous, plain and simple. Take that as a sign you're on the right path.

Longhotsummers · 10/02/2025 22:50

Sounds like time to shed this friend. She felt she could keep you in your place before. Now she can’t and she is jealous or threatened by you. The new you doesn’t need or deserve that.

Original poster
makiela · 10/02/2025 22:38

Thank you everyone.

I think it confused me as a while ago we’d had a few drinks and she looked close to tears saying she tells her boyfriend all the time how pretty I am and how I never put myself out there.

So why resent it when I finally?

(I also don’t think I’m pretty and I doubt she does, but no friend is going to call you ugly, I think I’m average and I’m good with that)

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 10/02/2025 22:07

Because you have done what she yearns to do, you've shown her that action is possible and now you're a daily reminder that she is a failure (possibly). Either that or as someone else suggested us she felt superior, and as she values what you have achieved, she now is inferior and as such hates you for her own inadequacy.

Either way, ditch her and don't look back.

Lavender14 · 10/02/2025 21:50

Some people keep others around them to make themselves feel better or rather superior. They like being in the 'supportive' role but actually feel threatened when someone is doing really well.

I think you've two choices- either call them out every time they do something nasty or under handed and set new boundaries for the friendship (they'll either adjust accordingly or the friendship will be over), or you ghost them and put plenty of distance in there.

Personally I think she's showing you who she is and what her motivations are and I'd be giving her a wide berth. Anyone can feel envious of their friend's but the way she's acting is not OK.

Rosesanddaffs · 10/02/2025 21:49

@makiela she sounds jealous, surround yourself with people who value and uplift you and not the ones that make it their mission to drag you down.

Well done on all you have achieved xx

TwigletsAndRadishes · 10/02/2025 21:46

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 10/02/2025 19:44

She probably liked feeling superior to you beforehand. Now you've stepped out of the "box" that she put you in, she doesn't like it.

That's exactly it. Some people are made to feel strangely insecure by their previously underdog friends suddenly reinventing themselves and living their best life.

CheeseyOnionPie · 10/02/2025 21:14

Ahh OP, you will find that some friends like you more when you fill a particular role (e.g. the fat friend) because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I would focus on yourself. Well done on all the hard work you’ve done in so many areas of your life. It’s not easy to change things, be proud of yourself and let anyone who isn’t happy for you go.

SlovenlyOldSlut · 10/02/2025 21:11

I knew purely from the title that this would be about weight loss. No other issue seems to bring false friends out of the closet with such depressing regularity.

It’s time to lose several stone more in useless dead weight - and this time, you won’t even have to go on a diet.

MissMoan · 10/02/2025 21:06

AcquadiP · 10/02/2025 19:46

True friends would be happy for you. Unfortunately, this jealous woman isn't a true friend; and it sounds as if she has some issues of her own. Ignore her and keep doing you. And well done :)

Completely agree!
Well done, @makiela . You don't need that person's toxicity and they are not a true friend.

Newmumburnout · 10/02/2025 20:50

Seems obvious. Before you "made improvements " you likely made her feel better about herself maybe she earned more money, was slimmer than you etc. Now you damage her self esteem so she tries to knock you down a peg or two.

Cattreesea · 10/02/2025 20:48

She is not a friend...

She resents your success and is being envious and petty.

I would just stop interacting with her.

Cattery · 10/02/2025 20:42

Jealousy. Pure and simple. She sees you as competition. She wants what you’ve got

arcticpandas · 10/02/2025 20:40

She's envious and mean-spirited. Definitely not a friend !

JustFeedMeCake · 10/02/2025 20:36

Notsosure1 · 10/02/2025 19:33

Ghost her. No explanation, she’s jealous and doesn’t wish you well. Drop her. If she reaches out to ask why and offers an apology you can re-evaluate

This post nailed it. Get rid. She's not your friend, she's your frenemy.

Ivyiris · 10/02/2025 20:30

You need better friends op. She should be happy for you

Crikeyalmighty · 10/02/2025 20:25

@Comedycook indeed -German word , but a world wide condition of human nature it seems

Miaowzabella · 10/02/2025 20:20

Well done for upgrading your life.....now it's time to upgrade your friends.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 10/02/2025 20:13

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 10/02/2025 19:44

She probably liked feeling superior to you beforehand. Now you've stepped out of the "box" that she put you in, she doesn't like it.

Agree. Once had a friend who thought I was madly jealous of her life, got binned by her completely when she realised I really wasn't.

She enjoyed feeling superior to you.

Comedycook · 10/02/2025 20:13

The truth is in life there are actually very very few people who genuinely want to see you do well....even people you may consider friends

Schadenfreude is a very real thing

Crikeyalmighty · 10/02/2025 20:11

Because sadly OP plenty of women are jealous people who are only happy if they can feel superior to you in some way.

JudgeBread · 10/02/2025 20:11

She's not a friend, a real friend would be happy for you, not salty that you're doing so well.

Bollocks to her, don't let her rain on your parade. Well fucking done for all you've achieved, you've done absolutely amazing and should be so incredibly proud of yourself! Maybe your next bit of self improvement should be pruning from your life anyone like her? Set yourself free from negativity and envy!

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