To hate him?

100% agree.

It is his fault, he's the one who didn't want a baby,so he should have worn a condom. simple. why is he leaving it up to her if he really doesn't want a baby, plus ejaculated inside her. It's each person's own responsibility to ensure they don't have a baby if they don't want one.
The OP has taken responsibility for not being on the pill. she's had the baby, which is her choice.
he's a vile dickhead, who i wouldn't want near any child anyway.

I think people are missing the fact OP the as told she would need fertility drugs to get pregnant. I'm assuming this was by a medical professional op?

That doesn't mean OP misled her ex. They were both mislead.

If he didn't want any a baby he should have used a condom or abstained. Men need to take responsibility for their own contraception as should women. Op the anted the baby so she's taken responsibility there and I don't blame you OP if you were told it would be hard to get pregnant it feels like a miracle.

Just don't assume this baby was a miracle and please use contraception in the future

Or both parties take equal responsibility for any babies that are made after both parties consent to have sex - whether protection is used or not. No form of birth control is infallible. If you ejaculate inside someone you are agreeing that if one of your sperm gets all the way in there you are going to pay your share.

You don't think the OP is equally to blame for having conceived? Despite not using any BC herself and happily going along with a Russian Roulette method for the entirety of her relationship, you think it's all on him?

Obviously it's completely unacceptable for him to threaten to kill her, he sounds awful and her dad doesn't much better. Assuming he knows all this, he's incredibly unsupportive.

But that's a separate issue to the facts surrounding how and why the OP got pregnant in the first place. If you choose not to use any BC for 3.5 years of a relationship and then as soon as you find out you are PG you know 'straight away' that you are going to keep it, then you can't really say with a straight face that it was 'unplanned' or an 'accident' can you?

The OP says she had a decision to make, but it doesn't sound like there was ever much of a decision to be made to me.

Your ex is clearly an absolute cunt. He threatened to have you killed after he knowingly ejaculated inside you. Everyone knows that can result in preganacy. Slim odds or not. Of course he should be paying for the child he created as @pompey38 so ably pointed out it's 50/50 making a baby..

He could have worn a condom or abstained. That was his choice. He didn't, you got pregnant and chose to have the baby. That was your choice and rightly so. Anything else would be a heinous assault on women's bodily autonomy. You're bring up baby, he's doing fuck all so far. He should at least be paying his share.

I have zero sympathy for men who engage in risky behaviour and then cry when the chips don't fall where they would like them too. I have even less time for misogynists like your a father who not only excuse that risky behaviour but then try to place the blame on women. It's not like you stole his swimmers.

Your dad is a misogynistic cunt. If he was a rascist cunt would you want him around your baby? If the answer is no, then he should not be around your little one.

Plenty of men are like this. I was at a bus stop only yesterday and the female driver parked the bus further forward than a man of probably 70 would have liked. She couldnt park in rhe designated spot as she was driving an articulated bus. He yelled at her, where are you going you stupid little bitch? No one raised an eyebrow, can you imagine the outcry if he had yelled the an insult about the driver's race?

It's time misogyny was treated with the seriousness it deserves.

wtf

Your dad is a arsehole the same as your ex. Don’t go for cm, not for the excuse that your friend has come up with but you could open up a can of worms here at the moment your ex is ignoring his child (fantastic in my opinion) but once he is paying for your child I bet you any money he will want to see exactly what he is paying for and then start lording it over you and then want regular contact and do you really want a man who threatens your life back in it. Trust me move on and be happy with your little boy x

If he didn't want a baby he should have worn a condom. Babies happen when condoms and other forms of contraception are not used. Simple case of FAFO. Claim CM.

This man threatened to kill her. Let’s not forget that and let’s may be lay off her a bit. It takes two to tango and he is equally responsible but may be had the power here so I’m guessing she was coerced into not using contraception. Just a guess though.

If he didn't want the baby he shouldn't have ejaculated inside her since that is how babies are most commonly made.

Threatening to kill her because she wouldn't abort the baby is abhorrent.

Her father is abhorrent for defending this behaviour. Towards his own daughter too, shows what he thinks of women.

Yanbu to hate him op but you are better off without such a toxic prick in your life. The same could be said for your father too.

I never put us in the situation but I had to make a decision, if he'd kept to our usual routine there would of been no decision needing to be made

Yes you did put yourself in the situation. You were not using any BC so you are jointly responsible for the situation. It's not solely his fault that a notoriously unreliable method eventually failed. Why did you opt to not be on any BC yourself? And why would you not ask your BF to use condoms? If you genuinely had no hope or intention of getting pregnant then it seems unbelievably naive and irresponsible of you to rely on your BF pulling out just before ejaculation for 3.5 years.

Not using contraception was your usual routine. You've been playing Russian roulette with pregnancy for years. Pulling out on time is never guaranteed. You also had the backup option of getting the MAP afterwards but you chose not to for whatever reason. You did nothing to prevent pregnancy all this time despite being the sole person who has to bear the burden of pregnancy and childbirth. Instead you left it down to him to pull out on time. You're equally to blame for this.

Yes, exactly.

It happens a lot. Women are told they may have trouble conceiving, but they hear "infertile" so tell their boyfriends that they can't have children who stupidly don't question it until one day a 'miracle' happens and everyone is shocked when they really shouldn't be shocked because having sex without using contraception causes pregnancy.

That's what I was thinking. The OP said she was told (by her doctor, presumably) that in order to conceive she'd need to have meds to stimulate ovulation.

I'm not sure a doctor would ever categorically tell someone they would not be able to get PG full stop, except in certain circumstances, like you have no womb or no ovaries or some condition which definitely renders you completely infertile.

I suspect what the doctor said was 'your PCOS may mean you have trouble conceiving and you may need meds to stimulate ovulation.'

It's not the first time I've heard someone declare themselves unable to have children without medical intervention and while that may be a legitimate fear, it's not a medical fact. It certainly shouldn't be something you are telling the men that you sleep with, as if they have absolutely nothing to worry about and needn't bothing using BC or worry about whether you are.

I've lost count of the number of times on MN I've read of people saying 'I didn't use BC because I was told I couldn't have children and then I got accidentally PG.' Or 'my partner told me she couldn't have children and now she's PG and I feel tricked.'

HRTFT but this was my immediate reaction too. No wonder you ended up with a vile and abusive man if that was the model of men that you had from your father.

Im so sorry OP. Your feelings are absolutely valid!!! Enjoy your wonderful child, the good thing to come out of all of this. Focus on the two of you and building your life as a mother and also for yourself. You are both well rid of that awful man and I’d consider ditching your dad too! Toxic. You deserve better.

Nevermind "in case anything happens to me". You get that envelope out and take it to the police. You do everything in your power to make sure nothing happens to you. Especially if you are going to go for CM. You don't want to leave that beautiful baby boy to be potentially raised by your vile excuse of a father.

If you have evidence, USE IT.

Tbh I hate your dad more than your ex

This is the sum of it

Your ex is a dick, your dad is a dick.

Slightly shocked by those on this thread lecturing you about contraception, and implying it's important to establish you were at fault. CM is what the father owes the child, you don't get a rebate if 'it was her fault too'.

You have a perfect right to hate your ex. He sounds vile.

Also did the handmaiden posters miss the part where the OP told us, in her first post, that her ex threatened to have her killled?