To think school can be damaging for some children

How old are they?

Most people don't realise how badly they've been brought up until they reach adulthood and/or have children of their own.

I agree. There's too much focus on academics these days rather than a good enough education and well rounded children with other skills that can be learnt and actually utilised in later life.

Some children will be fine. Others won't be.

Anything compared to the screen/social media / gaming etc is going to seem extremely dull and limiting esp as the screen is literally reshaping their brain and ability to focus. I would understand that school setting is not great in primary since young kids are still trying to control their bodies which are more eager to move than sit behind a desk. But at secondary i would assume older children have learnt to regulate and are able to sit and focus for longer! homework is supposed to be independent work that keep the flow and not a source of stress!

Oumsicle · Yesterday 17:09

I can't believe anyone could suggest school is never damaging!! What idyllic little rock do they live under?!

Nobody is saying school is never damaging, or that everyone is damaged by it as you are implying.

Have you come across the term 'sweeping generalisation'?

Many things about school are a total waste of time and highly damaging. Many things are great of course too. Go with the best for each child, that's sometimes different even within different children in the same family.

I can't believe anyone could suggest school is never damaging!! What idyllic little rock do they live under?!

YANBU OP. I loved my primary school back in the day but absolutely hated secondary, lost all my confidence and bullying was a problem but not as out of control as it is nowadays. And there weren't any stabbings!!!

For that reason and a multitude of others, we home educated our DC from birth and then they decided to do A levels at sixth form.

They have thrived. The freedom in childhood that Home Education afforded them is absolutely unparalleled. We have so many wonderful memories of all the entirely child led learning and life we shared.

Socially and educationally they have blossomed. No forced rote learning, no forced anything. They have gone into sixth form, eldest predicted 3A*s and have just had absolutely glowing reports off their teachers. Self disciplined, motivated, organised, polite, kind and social were some of their words.

I have no doubt whatever that NOT going to school was 100% the right decision for my two neuro typical children and one ND child and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

This is the situation in a nutshell, my own dd included. 😥

I wouldn't recommend homeschool for primary kids unless SEN who really can't manage mainstream schooling, it's important to social development.
I teach extra-curricular classes and have had a number of homeschooled kids and though they were all lovely polite kids. They all struggled with their peers somewhat, some more than other. One was constantly calling the other kids mean over any hint of teasing and whenever they didn't get the response they wanted.

My kids primary is pretty fab. Very little homework except reading, and maths apps. And the homework some years do have, is half-termly, so not heavy. Forest school in reception. Son is suspected ADHD and his teachers have been great with him, firm but kind, with adjustments where they can.
It's NOT an academy. I would avoid academies if possible in your area (harder these days) as results= bonuses, causing them the focus to be on whatever the latest government tick box is, e.g attendance. We get messages telling us NOT to bring them in when poorly unlike many schools these days.

We picked a primary that had a really established forest school and animals, sadly with budget cuts our year 6 child is able to access it once a month and our year 1 child accesses it about once a fortnight.
interestingly our eldest struggled at primary and is flourishing at secondary due to contact with a wider group of students so able to find their group of friends and the rules and structure suits them better then the less structure of a primary school.
I have relatives who primary aged children attend private school and they are able to access so much more ie regular swimming, horse riding and sporting events.
All primary’s especially at reception learn through play so there are lots of free flow activities etc all you can do is visit your catchment ones and see which one has a good feel, but resources that are available right now may not be as available in future years due to budgets/staffing so I wouldn’t pick a school based on one particular aspect, rather a general all round feel.
I have a friend who homeschools and does a mixture of forest schools etc but she has the time, knowledge etc to make it work.

I very much agree, and equally concerning is the 'one size fits all' approach that the present government is attempting to capitalise on with the Children's Wellbeing Bill, by essentially giving local authorities the power to deny parents the basic right to withdraw some SEN children from school, along with those known to have any history of SS involvement.

School can be damaging for some kids. Home Ed can be damaging for some kids.

I firmly believe there’s a right fit for every child but not all parents can find it or access it, and some just don’t really care.

OP, you sound like a very caring and involved parent. Your DD might absolutely adore school and you will have nothing to worry about. If she doesn’t then you will think hard about what needs to be changed and work for it. In my group of friends quite a few of the children have changed schools when a setting has turned out to be the wrong place - the school I work at has quite a few kids join from other more troubled schools - it’s also ok to get things wrong and then fix them.

God, how I hated school. Secondary school, to be more precise. Being bullied. Being in agony with period cramps and bleeding through in crippling embarrassment. Not being able to use the toilet without having to beg the bone idle harridan at reception for the key. I just wanted to be at home cooking, reading, writing, sewing, gardening and learning about things that interested me. I really resented the time slow boring school took away from my learning new things. I love studying history but found history lessons at school dull and uninformative.

School left me with a lifelong hatred and distrust of authority.

I don't think some are cut out for school. Also, I think it's often the more intelligent that struggle with it the most.

Schools are definitely damaging..both my daughters were damaged and had MH problems... l took them out age 13 and HE.

Grandsons went to primary but we took them out all home Ed .
All ASD.. MH comes before schools.High
Schools are worse than army camps

From my own children's experiences I really wish I'd sent them to the primary school that had set homework each week rather than sending them to the more relaxed school.
Secondary school was such a culture shock for them they really struggled to settle until about ½ way through year 7!

Take SATs results with a pinch of salt. They mean very little. In an average class of 30, it only takes a year group with a few kids to mess up on the day/SEND/EAL etc. for the results to drop. Look at LA reports/governor reports around the effectiveness of teaching and learning. But above all, look around, meet as many staff as you can, observe the children. Look for happy, engaged kids having fun learning. You want your kids to enjoy going to school so they develop a love of learning and build happy brains.
Home schooling is the right option for some, but I would be wary of choosing it because you’re fearful of school - try school first. My children’s school is 8 miles away because that’s the one we loved and they thrive there. You can always take your child out to homeschool. But moving from homeschool to school is very difficult in the cases I’ve seen.

I thought I’d tagged you but forgot 🤣 - I’ve replied to this but it’s a couple of posts above this

Not all Steiner schools are private - the Steiner Academy in Much Dewchurch, Herefordshire, has been state funded for some years now.

There are good and loving primary schools with little homework and an outdoor approach. They tend to be in rural areas, because it needs a smaller school to fully achieve this.

School can indeed be damaging and very often is - too often. And yet the system grinds on and we watch our next generation wasting their childhoods feeling miserable and being put off true learning; and so often finishing up anxious and stressed.

I would definitely opt for a school that has striong focus on mental health, self expression, fun.

The school I chose for my ds was like that but then it became part of a trust and gradually became more like a business with top grades seen as the success.

They now start teaching reception curriculum in nursery, year 1 curriculum in reception and so on.

He's in y5 now and I wouldn't choose that school again.

One thing I would want to look at is staffing. If there's multiple teacher and TA recruitment every year I'd find that concerning.

I'd also want to know, average class sizes and if each class has a ta .

I loved school and my kids both love school too.

I think it's because school naturally aligns with our interests and preferences but also because we are realistic about what school actually is. It isn't a holiday camp or somewhere to have a relaxing, wonderful time. It's a place to challenge yourself and learn difficult skills and lessons, not just academically but socially too. There are tough times and things won't be absolutely to your preferences but this is just preparation for real life where you have to do things you don't want to do and have to deal with difficult and different people.

I think there is more bullying in the adult world than people might realise. Might not be as overtly as in school but the number of threads on here about shitty work colleagues and boss’s is worrying.

I agree in your spare time you can chose what you do and avoid these types but everyone needs to work and we can’t influence who we work with, yes we can move jobs but that’s not necessary an option for some or it’s not as easy.

I am not minimising any of the suffering that anyone's children have experienced from being at school, but I think a thread like this is only ever going to be filled mostly with responses saying school is terrible for children which will give a skewed view for the OP.

I do think it's important to keep an open mind... don't assume your DC will dislike school or feel huge amounts of pressure. I have two DC...both enjoyed primary school a lot. Ds hated secondary but my DD loves it...she actually has some minor sen, so it's not necessarily a disaster for those with sen.

My children were Sen and I was lucky to be given advice through the hospital paediatric psychiatric department, rather than the local authority education department ( who I had an excellent relationship with - I cannot fault them either). They are both in their 30s, so I know things are different now.

So the advice from the psychiatrist, who had children of similar ages in the local school too:
Whatever teachers might think, the benefit of schools is socialisation. Nothing we can do as parents can give our children the socialisation they will have at school. Children will encounter difficult people all their lives and school helps them learn how to make friend, realise that not everyone is as friendly as they seem. There are bullies, people who are different and school is a place where children can learn to deal with everyone in a (hopefully) safe space.
Education need not be the most important thing. Most parents can supplement their children's education outside school - the 3 Rs, for Primary children are easy enough, but the arts, sciences, history, geography can be led by children's interests and build on what's done at school. Weekend outings can have an educational element too - recognising trees from their leaves, sea creatures at the beach etc. Secondary education is more difficult when the subject go beyond what parents learned. We were lucky, between us we could cover most things, but for exams we did employ tutors. Explore sharing a tutor with other families.

My advice is to be 'that parent'. I certainly was, particularly in Primary school. Some of the teachers there thought they knew all about the conditions (they didn't) and thought they didn't need to learn (they most certainly did. Integration was very new in our area). I chaired a Sen parent's group for the local authority which gave me access to senior staff at the department. I was also elected to the School Board by other parents (we don't have Governors here) so was able to represent other Sen parents at meetings and other parents too. The Educational Psychologist persuaded me to run training workshops on disability at several local schools - it was a revelation to me and I know that there were some teachers who were very resistant to integration in schools. (Yes, I had the ability to be an absolute pain in the backside and was probably viewed as such!)

For me, secondary school was a joy. Teachers there recognised that they didn't know everything and were keen to learn. They would contact me if there was a problem (Primary school would contact the Ed Psych after letting it continue) and we would reach a solution together. It was so much better and easier to work in partnership.

Ultimately, it all worked out and was worthwhile. Both offspring went to university, achieved good degrees (counter to expectations at Primary School) and I heaved the greatest sigh of relief the day #2 finished final exams. I have never had anything to do with schools since and do not want to ever again.

You would hope the class clown would be reprimanded.