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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend not to drive 4 yr old without car seat?

62 replies

Tropicalturnip · 10/02/2025 14:51

My friend is doing me a huge favour by having my 2 DC (2 and 4) for the day in a couple of weeks, they plan to go out to an activity a car drive away.

Friend is looking after them with her partner along with their own young DC1, so they would need 3 car seats, which don't all fit in one car.
Friend told me she intends to sit my eldest in the middle with a seat belt, as it's legal to do so after she's checked the gov website etc.
(This is correct, which astounds me!)

This is just a one off journey but it's about half an hour there and half an hour back. I know children can go in taxis without a car seat - but they have 2 cars and if they drove separately they could have them all in a proper car seat.

AIBU to say I'd rather them go in 2 cars and obviously give them some money for petrol etc but I'd rather my DC be safe? Or am I being precious as it's just a one off and it's perfectly fine in a taxi etc?

Edited to add my eldest child is quite tall for their age if that makes a difference!

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 10/02/2025 15:07

rhis would be a deal breaker for me. And would withdraw my request for help it doesn’t have to be heavy, but it’s simple, the car doesn’t have enough space for my child in her car seat, so she can’t go with them. You are better off asking someone who can come to your house to be with your kids.
immnot sure if want friends to be responsible for my kids at an activity centre when they were so young either. and I’m not a crazy helicopter mum.

PercyPigInAWig · 10/02/2025 15:05

I wouldn’t have this person look after my DC because frankly anyone who would think that is an okay plan is not on my wavelength at all.
I don’t care if it’s legal, doesn’t make it safe and I would question their judgement.
This is not just hypothetical, close family members on DH’s side have a similarly lax approach to car seat safety and we have seen how it translates in a lot of other safety aspects that are a deal breaker for us.

NannyR · 10/02/2025 15:04

Is the car big enough to have one of the adults squeezed in between the two carseats in the back? Then the oldest child could go in the front seat in a carseat.

tiggergoesbounce · 10/02/2025 15:04

How close a friend is she, I would not let my child travel without a car seat at 4 years old. If she is a friend, surely you can just have an open and honest chat, to say you are not comfortable with it, and arrange other plans.

I also don't let other kids travel in my car without a car seat.

Original poster
Tropicalturnip · 10/02/2025 15:03

BertieBotts · 10/02/2025 14:58

Can you get a Bubble Bum seat for your DC? It's much slimmer than other boosters so should fit between the two.

I think you're within your rights to say actually I'm not comfortable and not give permission for your DC to travel in the car without a seat.

I don't think you can insist that they take two cars. You could offer money for petrol if they are clear that is the issue, and if you're close enough but it might come across as strange otherwise.

Thank you - this actually looks like it could be a perfect solution!

OP posts:
MumChp · 10/02/2025 15:02

Yes. I would expect my child in a car seat.

I have asked my husband or mum to drive if I couldn't fit kids in one car.
if no possible we go on the bus/train.
If I couldn't sort transport we would stay at home.

I would find another babysitter.

Srophia34 · 10/02/2025 15:01

As above, within your rights to not allow the journey, but unreasonable to ask them to take two cars especially as they have checked the guidance so they're not trying to be unsafe.

Either find alternative childcare or a feasible alternative travel option/activity.

Original poster
Tropicalturnip · 10/02/2025 15:00

toomuchfaff · 10/02/2025 14:55

Yes YABVU to expect them both to drive to do you a favour when as you've pointed out kids can go in taxis without child seats, and the proposed plan doesn't sound unreasonable.

If you're that stuck on the car seat, then don't let your child go.

Perfectly happy to be told I'm being unreasonable, as I say it's a one off journey and they are doing me a favour. but car seat safety is so drilled in to you as parents, rear face as long as possible, the dangers of wearing a coat in case straps don't fit, etc etc

I'm also genuinely wondering how a normal seat belt would hold a 4yr old in properly with no booster? If anything were to happen would they be protected? Can you get anything to make the belt sit on their shoulder not her face / neck? Idk.

If I'm not comfortable with it I'm also happy to cancel 🤷 just never ever thought about this before so it was a shock when she suggested it. Wondered if anyone has done it and can shed any more light on how this would go down?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 10/02/2025 15:00

ie, there might be other reasons they don't want to take two cars being what I mean. Like one parent might want to drive on the way there and the other on the way back to share the tiredness given they are taking 3 young DC out for the day.

BertieBotts · 10/02/2025 14:58

Can you get a Bubble Bum seat for your DC? It's much slimmer than other boosters so should fit between the two.

I think you're within your rights to say actually I'm not comfortable and not give permission for your DC to travel in the car without a seat.

I don't think you can insist that they take two cars. You could offer money for petrol if they are clear that is the issue, and if you're close enough but it might come across as strange otherwise.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/02/2025 14:57

I wouldn't let my child go without a car seat but I also wouldn't ask them to take 2 cars to do me a favour. Im your shoes I'd look for different child care for the day.

toomuchfaff · 10/02/2025 14:55

Yes YABVU to expect them both to drive to do you a favour when as you've pointed out kids can go in taxis without child seats, and the proposed plan doesn't sound unreasonable.

If you're that stuck on the car seat, then don't let your child go.

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