Parents shouldn't use mobiles around their children

Thing is unless you go over their shoulder and peer to see exactly what they’re doing, the post IS about you - because it’s assumed anyone looking at their phone is “doom scrolling”

Yesterday I took my child to the beach to collect 134 stones to push through the cracks in the pier, played traffic jams with his cars for ages, stuck about 150 stickers on a sticker scene, looked at every seagull on the way back and talked about their lives and what their names might be, he helped me make lunch, we did the shop chatting and him sitting in the trolley, we made fairy cakes, we went to the playground before it got dark and you better believe I was scrolling my phone as he ran around with his mate! So if you’d seen that you’d have judged but the rest of the day he had my 100% engagement and attention.

He’s never ever been allowed to watch a tablet or phone in his buggy and his vocab and understanding of the world is amazing as a result, we spend the time chatting or pointing things out. I don’t like seeing that either really but that’s my personal opinion and I understand that there may well be a good reason. When we go to a restaurant or cafe he takes those water painting books or stickers etc (which takes advance prep and thought and some parents maybe just havnt had the time) and sometimes if he’s been good and eaten his food he’s allowed to watch something on my phone (with headphones in!) or sometimes I’ve let him do that as he’s squiggling about and I actually want to eat MY food.

So try not to judge, you see a snippet most of the time! Hard enough being a parent sometimes without thinking you’re being judged and scolded by random strangers who have seen fuck all of your day and life.

And unless he’s watching Ben and Holly (sadly he’s gone off it and it’s bloody PJ masks now) I’m not watching it, so I’m probably either getting jobs done or chilling on my phone. same as if he’s happily engaged playing with something on his own (a very important skill to have)

Play in the park with your kids rather than sitting on a bench scrolling. Watch TV with them rather than sitting scrolling. Talk to them in the restaurant rather than handing them a tablet to shut them up!

My parents were very involved, very engaged parents. My dad took my brother and me to the park OFTEN and w LOVED it. He would push us on the swings SUPER high. The rest of the time we were running aroudn n our own, occassionally yelling at him to look at us while he stood or sat to the side, perhaps chit chatting with another parent. Knowing my dad, he might even have had a newspaper with him! I just don't understand why we think childrne have to be entertained CONSTANTLY.

I agree with the restaurant thing, up to a point, but also, going to a restaurant was a HUGE deal for us and we certainly were NOT being taken to restaurants as toddlers. I'm 50 so I appreciate it was a different time but going to the Pizza Express equivalent was a huge thing - and we'd have things to colour and draw and mostly were expected to be quiet. And this was probably age 5-8. Then, as we got a bit older, going to a "nice" restaurant was a big thing and absolutely, we would be talking to our parents - but by then we must have been at least 9 or 10, and most likely older in most cases. Things are different now - children eat out much more often and from a much younger age.

I agree, although I am also guilty of it!!

How do you know they aren’t “gawping” at booking a train ticket?

You think smacking a child isn’t as bad as giving a child a tablet?

Also just a PSA about “You’re only seeing a snapshot of their day”.

Mine are 8 and 11 now but when they were younger we’d have days out where they’d run around, learn things, have conversations, play, interact and then I’d maybe give them a phone because they were knackered and needed to nod off in the pram and Peppa Pig always worked a treat.

I think people who look at others and think “I’ve only seen 10 seconds of their life but it MUST be like that ALL THE TIME” are embarrassingly dim.

You are right and I have been thinking for a while I need to cut down around my kids. Thankyou for the post as it's helped me to think about taking more concrete action. I don't want my kids to be zombies when they get phones so I need to model now the behaviour I want to seen in them. They are addictive and I am exhibiting addictive behaviours. I have often used them when feeling bad in some way - frustrated, bored, procrastinating - as a way of distracting from my feelings. But I need to overhaul my phone use as it's not helping me to have as full a life as I'd like.

Come on, stop deliberately missing the point everyone. It is not about using phones for necessary, practical things.
I don't want to read one more post that says, "but I had to text my aunt in hospital blah blah!"
Let's look at the problem honestly and directly without making excuses and being defensive.

If the world made it easier to live smartphone free then I would. However, if I have a day out with the kids round here I basically have to use my mobile to:

• Pay for parking
• book any activities or entry to wherever we’re going
• order food
• Check traffic for the way home
• Check timings for my son’s medication and log it in his e-diary
• If we go to the supermarket access the deals to scan on my phone

Theres a strange sensitivity on MN about adults using their phones. And a real shame around women doing it. I think some people think the only acceptable way for a mum to use her smartphone would be to go and hide in a cupboard once a day.

Oh for goodness sake! The OP is clearly not referring to using the phone for essential things.

It's referring to missing out on quality interaction with your kids. Scrolling instead of conversation and joining in their play.

Play in the park with your kids rather than sitting on a bench scrolling. Watch TV with them rather than sitting scrolling. Talk to them in the restaurant rather than handing them a tablet to shut them up!

OP wants all device interaction to stop if the parent is with their child which I think is ridiculous and is a desperate attempt to prevent poor parenting which actually, is a thing whether or not devices are involved.

I am endlessly frustrated by people blaming the tools rather than the people. Good parents are good parents, even if they are sometimes on their phones. Bad parents are bad parents even if they've never picked up a phone. Saying NO ONE should be on their phone is not actually addressing the isse of bad parenting.

The other night I found myself telling everyone to get off screens as my WhatsApp buzzed beside me. I picked it up and realised how ridiculously tied to the phone I am. Yanbu op, we say one thing and show them another

I don't have kids but my guess is that a lot of parents who are looking at their phones when they're out with their kids have probably been entertaining the kids all bloody day and are pretty much desperate for 10 minutes' peace. Which to me, seems fair enough.

You're only seeing a very brief window into someone's world when you're next to them in a cafe or passing them in the street. You really don't know what they're like in general or what's typical for them.

If you're not one of the parents who ignores their child in favour of doom scrolling at every possible opportunity, the post isn't about you is it? You've taken it very personally for claiming you're not one of those parents.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

When I was a teenager, I was a complete bookworm. I used to bring books into class and secretly read them. teachers were, understandably, annoyed.

Agreeing that children shouldn't be allowed mobile phones during the school day is a perfectly reasonable point to make that has ZERO correlation with whethe ror not the parents use the phone while they're with their children.

I know what you mean, I see it a lot round here, parent walking ahead totally absorbed in their phone with the kid trailing along behind them. I've followed them for ages sometimes just by coincidence (they're going the same way as my dog walk!) and they don't say two words to the kid or even look at them.

I sometimes think "someone could fully just grab that child and walk off and the parent wouldn't even notice". Obviously that's not the real issue as it's really unlikely, but it just seems so sad. I have lovely memories of going for walks with my mam and chatting away, being told stories, playing I spy, singing songs or whatever.

I agree with you
of course use them for buying a train ticket, making a payment or sending a quick message. But stop gawping at them for unnecessary things and parent your children.
We don’t allow screens at home (kids are too young for them anyway) so we are wary of phone use. Of course we have to answer messages occasionally but we don’t spend a long time on them when the kids are around.

Something that really struck me recently was someone pointing out that slapping a child on the bum is child abuse (and it is), but depriving them of looking at the world, and ignoring their needs to look at a phone, is seen as just poor parenting.
I'm not sure the word abuse is helpful, but I think it's much worse than poor parenting.

These posts make me roll my eyes.

Sure, it's totally practical for me to never be on my pjone around my children. I'll get right on that and I'm sure everyone else will too.

Not.

Bad parents are bad parents whether they have phones or not.

Good parents who are on their phones for whatever reason are still good parents, they're just using a mobile device at this moment in time.

As for the endless wailing about engaging with children in restaurants etc etc etc... complete bollocks. Personally, I mostly just chose not to take my chidlren to restaurants at all whent hey were small, or only for very short things like in a buffet style cafe where we chose food and paid, sat down to eat and were out of there in no more than 30. minutes. Because small chidlren are a disaster in restaurants. But others really want that experience, possibly don't have options otherwise, so they take their chidlren. And they use appropriate tools to help the children manage in the short term.

I agree, it just models bad habits.

I try not to judge, but I think a bigger issue than adults with phones is kids with their tablets in pushchairs. It's so common now and I feel like we're gonna have big problems from this in a few years time

The same people who ignore their children would not be any more present without a phone. People have been ignoring their children for centuries

I agree with op. The worst are the ones who push buggy's across the road without looking up from their phones. Just a tragedy waiting to happen.
I visited a zoo with my adult dd and there was a child in a buggy probably about 3 and she couldn't quite see whatever animal it was so was grumbling and one of the adults gave her a phone and told her to shush. I was gobsmacked, I mean they've paid upward of £80 to stick a phone in front of the kid, might as well have stayed home.

Thoughts?

That one of the major problems with parenting is that people thinks, 'I think I should do something for my family. EVERYONE SHOULD'. It's uniquely narcissistic to think what works for you, works for everyone.

I don't know what it is about parenting that makes everyone do this but it's curious.

I always feel dads look at their phones more in childcare situations, such as playgrounds