Calling a child greedy

I wouldn't say that describes greedy, I'd call my child greedy if she shovels handfuls of crisps or sweets in, from a sharer bowl so that nobody else can have any but asking for seconds is fine, I wouldn't want any child to feel hungry.

I don't think greedy as a word is as shame inducing as words with more emotion like fat, pig, chubby etc. It's more describing that the child is not sharing well, you can be greedy with toys, crayons etc, not dinner, it's taking more than you should and I'd call that out, but not relate it to food/eating.

@Cinnamonrollsforbreakfast I'm sure it wasn't the direct cause of my ED. So I agree with you.
But it's stuck in my mind as some sort of trigger. Of course it wasn't her fault for saying it. Tbh I was greedy and quite fat back then. But I wouldn't say it to a kid, knowing how it affected me.

Have you genuinely never seen this grown pattern? They go out first, and then they stretch up

Yes, every year, they usually eat more before the stretch.

Definitely boys take a big stretch when puberty hits, girls not so much.

I thought that I would be tall. I was 5'4 age 11 then I stopped growing.

Re. Whining because they want toys... our doesn't really. If they ask, we sometimes say yes, but usually say no, because we are conscious that it would not be doing DC any favours letting them grow up spoiled by us saying yes to everything. Asking is absolutely allowed, but no means no.
We've explained that toys cost money, and we don't have enough money to buy everything just because we want it, and we don't have enough room either. We've delivered this message gently and consistently as a fact since they were old enough to start asking, and never caved. So they don't whine for things, there would be no point to it.
Calling anyone (adult or child) a name immediately puts up a barrier between you, and makes the other person less inclined to accept the point that's being communicated, so I think it's just a counterproductive tactic.

I see a big difference between a child being selfish taking all of a limited non-essential treat (like taking all the sweeties from a bowl) and so depriving others (and has nothing to do with weight) and a hungry child asking for more food. The first is greed and it does no favours to let kids think this is ok. Being hungry and asking for more food is not greed and if the child is overweight it’s not their fault as they are a child.

If I see an over 7-8yr old taking all of the limited amount of sweeties/cake/bubble wands/lip gloss from a sharing plate/pile and not leaving sufficient for everyone to have gets a “don’t be greedy, they are for everyone” (younger kids in particular not ones I know well get a more passive “we should all share nicely, leave some for others”) but older kids that know it’s not ok to take all the nice stuff for themselves get told so.

thats completely different to a hungry kid asking for seconds (or thirds) of dinner. They get offered more and if dinner is all gone they get directed to the fruit bowl as much as they like (seconds of pudding however are not given to those who did not eat their mains)

Yes, my kids did this, and as they become young teens, they loose their ‘puppy fat’.

Not sure I would say to a child I wasn’t related to though, unless I was looking after the child at the time, eg grandparent, and they were being greedy. Eg , eating all the sweets. Asking for a second portion of a dinner could actually be seen as a compliment to the cook , As they liked it so much, they wanted more.

It is rude.

Some children are never full and a bit chubby, DS plays football 3 times a week, attends sports club 2 days, he is never full.

He's chunky, was born big, off the charts. A macrosomic baby, he still charts 99 percentile at 9 years old.

Distraction works, though I'd never deny him second helpings.

DD OTOH is tiny, she doesn't eat a lot, she eats out of routine, she wouldn't snack after dinner.

Have you genuinely never seen this grown pattern? They go out first, and then they stretch up. Most noticeably at the beginning of puberty. I’ve seen it quite a few times, and read about it in parenting books.

I would never use that word to a child re eating. The only exception I can think of is if they were stealing everyone’s sweets. I would never use it regarding actual food no matter how big they might be.

Of course you should never call a child greedy. Or anyone really! It’s a very shaming insult and I can’t see how it could ever be anything other than unkind and meant to shame.

Regardless if the child is overweight or not, it’s going to have the same effect- I wouldn’t call a really slim child greedy but still less one who was overweight.

If a child is overweight you steer them towards exercise as something healthy for all the family, model exercise yourself, serve healthy food and eat healthy food yourself as something enjoyable, don’t have crap in the house or model seeing it as a treat.

The word 'greedy' is a stigmatic one, and carries cruel stereotypes. Furthermore, it pathologises being hungry, which isn't good! If a child is showing signs of overeating/eating when not even hungry, the solution isn't to shame/embarrass/humiliate them, all of which calling them 'greedy' will do. The solution is to gently and kindly figure out what's going on - why they're overeating, if something is happening which is causing this, etc.

Additionally, lots of kids are chubby. This isn't necessarily indicative that anything is massively wrong! Bodies are differently shaped, plus kids are growing - the body often puts on weight before going through a growth spurt. For example, upon reaching puberty, a lot of girls put on LOTS of weight, which isn't a bad thing - it's a sign they're developing properly!

If you're concerned about a child's weight, the solution is to give them healthy food, teach them about getting more in tune with hunger and fullness cues in the body, and getting them into an exercise program they enjoy (eg it could be any sport - if they don't like team sport, they might like swimming with you!). The focus should absolutely NOT be on weight - they don't need to feel body shame - it should be on getting healthy, feeling good and having fun together!

If you're concerned that the child has an eating disorder (e.g. binge eating), the solution is not to shame them by calling them names, but to get them professional help.

It's quite sad that people think children "becoming a bit chubby" is normal and acceptable. I don't blame the children, but what an unhealthy mindset.

Unacceptable. The old saying is particularly apt here. "If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

They would have done better to keep it as an unkind thought in their head.

It's an unacceptable thing to say to a child IMO. If a child is overeating a parent should deal with it without judgemental language.

How old is the child?

I think it’s unkind to use words like that to the child as this is normally a parenting issue (depending on the age of the child). A child should not be comfort eating sweets and being overweight is unhealthy. Despite me not agreeing with using that word, it sounds like this person is concerned about the child and their eating habits / weight, perhaps in a way that the child’s own parents are not. Hopefully the parents will realise that this could be another child at school talking about their eating and weight, which could lead to bullying. The parents need to educate the child and actually parent, to avoid this.

If you have 3 DC and 1 DC takes all the cookies then yes they are being greedy on this occasion but it might be a 1 off. DC need to be taught to share and think of the needs/wants of others. If they constantly do it they are definitely greedy.

My father called me greedy when I was 8, I remember it vividly. It was meant horribly.

I do have issues with food (low BMI) and wonder how deeply that word reached.

How old is the child.

The context is everything here.

In our family, large, farming nature. It wouldn't touch the surface.

Oh you greedy beggar I wanted that last roast tattie.

I think in a scary and violent world, unless you are about to dump a huge back story, it's just banter.

Ignore it if you're upset but I wouldn't be overthinking it

Nonsense. It’s quite common for children to go through phases of growth where they first become a bit chubby, and then stretch up height wise and slim down with it. I’ve seen it happen loads of times, I’m surprised you haven’t.

Thank you for clarifying.

OP hasn't said if the comment was uttered directly to the child. I did ask.

As they pig out on other stuff I think their older relative was just concerned.

You’re interested? Like you can’t work it out?
you just don’t tell children they’re greedy, Or mean, or lazy, Or anything negative in fact. You describe the behaviour if you must. But since food issues can lead to life long problems, in a way that hogging a toy won’t I don’t think the situations are comparable.