Ex partners new partner calling my son "mum"

Same 😆

I can definitely imagine there are lots of potential scenarios where it would be hurtful to correct a child (although not yours as grandma/ grandpa makes perfect sense). And what defines a “mum”? For example, surely adoptive children are allowed to call their adoptive parents mum and dad? Iyswim.

I also disagree that it is always in children’s interests to centre their parents’ feelings to “avoid conflict”…

Anyway I will stop derailing!! It’s just interesting to me how this is so much the subject of court orders these days..

Sounds like poor DS is going to have a few years of confusion ahead of him if you can’t make the idiot see sense. You just need to try be as consistent as possible and try to correct him every time.

Seems ex is using these women as childcare to help him with DS twice a month, which is pathetic. Between you, DS and even the girlfriends - he is treating everyone appallingly.

I am a bugger for the edit button. Sorry!

Yes I agree that isn’t OP’s . Sorry you edited comment so didn’t have a chance to read

This isn’t one of those situations though. I also don’t agree that it’s hurtful to correct the child. It’s not in their best interest to encourage them to call a person other than their mum, ‘mum’.

I say this having also been in the position of the child. I think I maybe asked once if I should call my grandparents mum and dad instead, they said I shouldn’t because I had a mum and dad, and they were Grandma and Grandad. And I thought no more of it. It would have been wrong of them to encourage it. Unless the mum is an absolute horror and contact has been banned because she’s a danger etc, I can’t see how it could ever be in a child’s best interest to encourage something that will cause conflict between their parents.

I can imagine years ago there might have been a stigma and it was better in public if the child called the new partner 'mum' but it's really no big deal (sadly) nowadays for children to have step parents or be with the girlfriend or boyfriend of their parent and be called by their first name.

This is the same in my Court order,it wasn't asked for but the judge did ask if either was in a new relationship & as my ex is the judge put it in, that no partner (on both sides) are to go by any parental name such as mom/dad etc,& they have no parental rights over our children

in reality you can agree terms for introducing new partners, but you can't force him. The same with the mum stuff, if he will just "deny deny deny" what can you actually do?

just remind your son that you are mum. when he talks about her say "oh, daddy's friend Rachel" and keep going with the conversation

your ex is clearly fickle and a liar so you have to accept that he will probably be introducing your son to partners and definitely in less than 6 months.

In your DS's mind any woman with his dad may be mum. Explain that he only has one mum/mummy and that's you, any other women has a different name. If you are mummy he may also think mum is a different thing/person.

Of my initial post, should say family are stuck down with glue because they are always there, throughout your life

Hello! This is disrespectful to you and I assume your ex has introduced her as ‘mum’. I’m a stepmum and my stepchildren call me by my first name because I’m not their mum and it would feel weird for them to call me stepmum or mum 2 or whatever, even though I’m married to their dad. When we’re out sometimes people refer to me as mum to them and I even step on and say ‘oh I’m their stepmum’ or similar. I feel this is respectful to their mum and helps the children to not feel confused or like I’m trying to replace their mum. Anyway, you’ll have to talk to ex about this. It could become confusing for your child.

Don’t try to correct as this may meet resistance. Use her name when he uses Mum. Ensure Everyone else in the family reinforces her name. When he says Mum did such and such you reply - Did x do such and such what else did x do today?
sorry you are having to do this, they both sound totally inappropriate.

Ah that is more worrying then. I woukd perhaps have a word with both ex and Rachel at the same time (trying to keep calm) and even if you think it's to early for her to be on the scene don't say that. Just say DS says he is to call you Rachel mum which I don't feel is appropriate.

Can you make a people in my life chart
Get a photo of the lady in question and writer mae underneath
Also try to get photos of class staff
make sure photos of class Staff stuck on Velcro and that it is stuck on with glue.
After a week of reinforcing names, make a point of removing the photo and replacing it on the same place a couple of times a day. Explain you are only there with Velcro because they can change. Because they are always there.

Ok but what about situations where it may feel normal/ comfortable/ authentic for a child to call a step parent that? Isn’t it just a bit hurtful to constantly correct the child? I just think it’s another example of the parent- centred court system, which is all about centring parents feelings of jealousy/ sense of entitlement over children .

Did you not say 'I'm your mum, you only have one mum or mummy and that's me' ?

I would ask your sister to give you a voice note of exactly what happened as you were not there.
Make it clear that you have other witnesses to this.
Best of luck.

‘Ripped him a new one’ exactly how I would describe how the judge gave this direction to the father in the case I was involved in. Glad to see they are consistent.

I assume it is the same - that it is not to be encouraged. Small children are easily influenced, if there are step siblings etc who call the step parent mummy/mummy. They are easily directed to use another name. There’s no reason to encourage it. Child already has a mum/dad. As PP said it’s a form of parental alienation.

Awww, bless you