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Original poster

Ex partners new partner calling my son "mum"

119 replies

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 11:26

My ex has a new GF, they met end of October and things have moved quickly, they are "in love" however when he sees me, he always "tries it on" with me and has stated he doesn't think his feelings for me will ever fade.

Anyway, we had an agreement that new partners would not be introduced until 6 month mark, my son is on the ADHD waiting list and still wants "mummy and daddy" to have days out with him.
My ex collected our son on Saturday and took him swimming, when he came back I asked if he had a good time and he said "yes I went swimming with daddy and mum"
I asked my ex if she was there, he said no however my son has stated on 3 separate occasions with my family members and my friend and her mother that "mum" was there and this morning my son has said he wants to go swimming with mum and daddy again.

I have corrected my son, and told her what her name was, but yet he keeps saying "no it's mum"
AIBU for not thinking this is right?
My ex will deny she was there

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 11/02/2025 07:05

that is hurtful op

Pussycat22 · 11/02/2025 07:04

He's goading you and you are biting. If the other lady treats your son well and he likes her let it be. Nothing can take away the fact that you are his mother. A rose by any other name smells as sweet. Even go as far as telling your lousy ex you think it's sweet . That'll people piss on his chips. Unless she's the OW.

Pussycat22 · 11/02/2025 06:58

I think your problem is the piece of shit you had your son with.

AlertCat · 11/02/2025 06:12

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 22:22

@SezFrankly I know what your saying, but I do think she was introduced as "mum" my son was with his dad, he wouldn't just say the word mum without someone saying it, someone must have said something and from my x's reaction I'm sure this happened

Maybe he couldn’t remember Rachel’s name and used ‘mum’ as a way of covering!?

What a knob he sounds. I’m sorry OP.

Namechanged4obviousreasons · 10/02/2025 23:49

Was it a typo or did you mean to put that your ex sometimes stays over when visiting your son? This would be far too confusing and pretty inappropriate given you both have partners and you say he’s constantly texting you about wanting to get in your knickers. If he wants to see your son, he can take him out or to his house. Your son won’t have a clue what’s happening if his father lives there some days but not others.

StormingNorman · 10/02/2025 23:23

Have you asked your son why he calls her mum?

yourmaw · 10/02/2025 22:44

does she have kids

SezFrankly · 10/02/2025 22:40

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 22:22

@SezFrankly I know what your saying, but I do think she was introduced as "mum" my son was with his dad, he wouldn't just say the word mum without someone saying it, someone must have said something and from my x's reaction I'm sure this happened

He sounds like a real piece of work 😩

Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 22:24

@Ellie56 and a cheat as well + he's not paying correctly for his son, he's fraudulently claiming benefits while working (not declaring income) now I know why he's doing it, he's spending most of his money on the new GF. I'm having a nightmare with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 22:22

@SezFrankly I know what your saying, but I do think she was introduced as "mum" my son was with his dad, he wouldn't just say the word mum without someone saying it, someone must have said something and from my x's reaction I'm sure this happened

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 10/02/2025 22:21

I can see why he's an ex. He sounds like a complete twat.

Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 22:19

@TiredMummma I wish I could, but I think a smear campaign against me would have already started. My X is very manipulative, he's been trying it on loads with me and sends me messages of what he would like to do with me, blah blah. He knows if I met her, I would probably tell her before another child is brought into this mess, so therefore he will do everything in his power to stop us meeting.
But I agree it's weird behaviour. He done his nervous lying laugh when our son said it in front of me on Saturday afternoon, I know he's lying

OP posts:
SezFrankly · 10/02/2025 21:44

My DD called my friend Mam, bc her son did. She didn’t realise it was a different word for mummy. It could be a similar mistake. She was around 4 years old. She was adamant that was her name too.

TiredMummma · 10/02/2025 21:28

So weird, can you just cut the toxic etc out & talk to the other woman? Address that it's weird, not good for your son

arcticpandas · 10/02/2025 16:01

BigDeepBreaths · 10/02/2025 12:30

Awww, bless you

Show quote history

Sorry but it seemed more likely to be a mispronounciation than a new woman telling he bf's son to call her mum. Atleast in my world but apparantly there are batshit crazy people out there..

Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 14:17

@AlexP24 yep that’s my thoughts as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 14:15

@RubyFlax I’m pretty certain, my ex does this “nervous laughter” when he lies and that’s what he done on Saturday when I asked him when he dropped he off.
My ex will lie about things he doesn’t need to lie about 2 weeks ago this “woman” didn’t exist he told me it fizzled out and they don’t speak anymore, this was when he was trying to get into my knickers.
He will lie to save his own skin, he’s thrown me under the bus quite a few times.
DS was very detailed this morning, said he went into the blue car and on the slide with “mum”

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 14:11

@AlexP24 firstly I’ve known this man since I was 22, so a long time - I don’t see him every now and then, I’m fortunate enough to have childcare - I will call him my partner as that’s the way it’s heading. I did say past June, that could be in September, October or November. I have no intentions of introducing before hand.
6 months is a good starting point - as a minimum! I’m not in the wrong here, I’m doing things the right way not introducing 2 men to my son in a space of year!

OP posts:
Mix56 · 10/02/2025 13:33

You need to tell your Dick X, that DS is saying Rachel was there & has decided or told, (by him or her ?) to call her Mum.
This is not happening, It is confusing for him & disrespectful to you.
He already has enough difficulty without this & your X needs to get on board with the program.

AlexP24 · 10/02/2025 13:33

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 11:56

@Spirallingdownwards no she doesn’t have any children, from what my ex has said I don’t think she can have them.

This simply means they are having unprotected sex because she has told him she can't have kids. Expect her to be pregnant within the year.

AlexP24 · 10/02/2025 13:32

Agreed, I’m sure if I’m still with my partner past June and ready to introduce him, if I say the word “dad” he will go apeshit.

Why on earth are you calling a boyfriend you've not had a long your 'partner'. Why do either of you need to introduce the poor little mite to anyone after 6 months? I know you can't control what your ex does but to be honest if he can't see that the precious time he spends with his son should be 121, then he's an arsehole and you're well shot. But don't start introducing him to a new boyfriend that you have either. He's not a partner, he's a random bloke you see every now and then and your son doesn't need another confusing man to be introduced to.

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 13:26

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 12:37

@Creameded my son was at my parents last night while I was doing my usual Sunday night housework - my sister was also over visiting and she just said to him what did you do today/yesterday and he just came out with it “I went swimming with daddy and mum”
Hes also asked to go swimming again with daddy and mum today, I’ve said her name several times and he’s looked me at like “no her names mum” my son only calls me mummy, never said the word mum to me.
I’ve actually got a meeting with the SEN lead at nursery on Friday, my son has had some issues over the past 3 months, surprisingly around the same time dad has disappeared - I’ll let them know.
thank you

But when he's older he'll switch to mum. He's not going to keep calling you mummy when he's a teenager (unless you're an aristocrat). So calling Rachel mum or any other of dad's girlfriends mum is going to be really difficult later. Mum is reserved for you only.

RubyFlax · 10/02/2025 13:24

Are you 100% sure this woman was actually there and your son has met her? Could it not be that your son is pretending that he went swimming with “daddy and mum” as that’s what he had done previously (I.e with you both when you were together?). In the way that children sometimes have imaginary friends, has he seen other kids with both parents there and imagined that for himself? A bit of a stretch I know, but I just can’t see why your ex is denying it & making his own child out to be a liar if the woman was actually there. For what gain?

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 10/02/2025 13:17

Lostcat · 10/02/2025 13:13

I can definitely imagine there are lots of potential scenarios where it would be hurtful to correct a child (although not yours as grandma/ grandpa makes perfect sense). And what defines a “mum”? For example, surely adoptive children are allowed to call their adoptive parents mum and dad? Iyswim.

I also disagree that it is always in children’s interests to centre their parents’ feelings to “avoid conflict”…

Anyway I will stop derailing!! It’s just interesting to me how this is so much the subject of court orders these days..

Edited
Show quote history

That’s not what I was saying at all. Some people would encourage this to antagonise the other parent, when presenting it as ‘well little Charlie wants to call my girlfriend ‘Mummy Beth/mummy 2/mummy’ etc.’ Small children often ask if they should call a step parent mummy/daddy etc, whatever the common language of the house is. Saying no isn’t harmful, and it’s not expecting the child to safeguard the parent’s feelings. It’s about both parents positively promoting the child’s relationship with the other parent. I would question the motives of any father who encouraged his child to call his girlfriend of the month ‘mum’. That’s not about looking after the kid’s feelings, it’s weaponising the child.

anyway, derail over.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 10/02/2025 13:17

Mummaonherown · 10/02/2025 11:59

@Mrsttcno1 thats what I think. He had another girlfriend that lasted 4 months and he introduced her to our son as well but he never said the word mum.
Someone has definitely said something, maybe he’s really serious about this person however to do introduce someone as “mum” isn’t right I know what his response would be if I introduced my new partner (I’ve been seeing someone since start of January) as “dad”
It just doesn’t sit right with me, this is the 2nd woman in less than a year.
I will speak with him, but like I said he will just deny deny deny

My son is speech delayed and went through a phase of calling all men and women couples mum and dad.

Then shortly after it was just that all men were dad and all women were mum, even if he had previously known their names.

He's 6 now and grown out of it for the most part, although I do die inside when we're in public with family and he still occasionally says things like "daddy uncle Justin" "mummy gran gran" "daddy grandad" and suddenly I can feel the pierce of a thousand stares into my skull from onlookers who obviously have questions they dare not ask.