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Original poster

Struggling with new confrontational manager

36 replies

spanieleyes22 · 10/02/2025 10:21

So I have a new manager and am finding it very hard to get on with her. It's a brand new job for me everything is new and she is always saying to me "just put questions in the teams chat" but when I do she is very confrontational and always replies like I should have known xyz . That she looked at this document etc when I've already looked and read the documents she talks about and still have a question . Maybe it's me but she makes me feel like crap all the time. I'd say it's her own insecurity as she is quite young and has no experience of managing. Just got told I should have looked at xyz and done xyz when I put a question up this morn. I'll have to think of a different strategy I think.

OP posts:
WildestWinter · 11/02/2025 16:44

"Hi [manager], can I clarify a point around [topic]? My understanding from [manual] and talking to Susan and Bob is XYZ, can you confirm or is there additional context I should know?"

Aaron95 · 11/02/2025 16:42

Why are people resorting to chat if they don't know how to do something?

Does nobody speak to anyone any more? An actual conversation is usually a far more effective way of teaching osmeone how to do something they are unsure about.

RawBloomers · 11/02/2025 16:36

What sort of questions are you asking? What is she actually saying?

Could it be a communication issue? You call her confrontational but your description of her responses, while very brief, do not suggest confrontation. You have been asked several times for more detail but don’t give it. If (and I do get that it may well not be) your communication with your manager is equally fuzzy, that may be the problem.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 11/02/2025 11:30

Just had a teams meeting and manager said did anyone have any questions and I asked one and she just shut me down. Feel like crying tbh. I'm so at sea in this job I hate it. Every day I try and try and don't seem to be getting anywhere. Am so fed up.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 10/02/2025 10:54

Yeh I need to be more descriptive in my questions. Or ask someone else I think.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 10/02/2025 10:53

So then say "I've got stuck on X and not sure whether to A or B or something else. I've read the policy manual and watched the troubleshooting video but they don't seem to cover the scenario when Y and Z are conflicting. "

Or whatever.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 10/02/2025 10:51

I've always done all the things she suggests. I think maybe she's not sure of the answer to my specific query so tries to push it back to it being my fault that I don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 10/02/2025 10:49

Maybe I need to write longer questions. I only ask when I'm stuck id say I've asked maybe 3 questions in the chat since I started 7 weeks ago. I try to find the answer for ages but have been given incorrect information from other team members and don't want to mention that so when I am really stuck I ask. She is so encouraging at meetings saying don't forget to put all your questions in the chat. Anyway yeh will probably just stop asking her

OP posts:
C152 · 10/02/2025 10:46

Hmmm...I don't know, OP. As the above poster wrote, it depends what you're asking and whether you should have been able to find the answer yourself (e.g. if it's in a document you have access to).

RawBloomers · 10/02/2025 10:36

What sort of questions are you asking?

“Do X, you should have read about it in Y material.” Doesn’t sound confrontational to me if you were supposed to have read Y and the question is along the lines of “I got stuck on A and am unsure if I should do X or Y.” Just matter of fact. She isn’t hand holding but it isn’t confrontational.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 10/02/2025 10:23

I don't think I'll put any more questions in the chat. Maybe she wants to look knowledgeable in front of the team. Think I'll just pm other people maybe

OP posts: