I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

I'm sorry to hear that happened, and it couldn't have felt nice at all. You could use it as an opportunity for self reflection and ask yourself some difficult and honest questions. It is telling when colleagues exclude you. Either you're just on a different wavelength to them or you might engage in conversation and topics that upset the group when you're there. Whatever it is, if it bothers you enough perhaps it is worth asking close friends or people you trust if they can help to unearth what it could be.

You do all that for him? Does he ask you to bring him the Metro? It sounds as though you fancy him and he's possibly a bit freaked out by you.

I had this exact situation except my colleague deliberately didn't invite me. We had a group of colleagues who used to do things together fairly often - BBQs or dinners at each other's houses - and one day one colleague decided to make a big and awkward announcement to me that they were hosting a special dinner together with the rest of the group for Christmas, but that I - and only I specifically - wasn't invited.

He said that there simply wasn't room in his house for me (only me). I never understood this because their house is large, there was always plenty of space, the rest of the group still fit perfectly fine and they even invited another new colleague who had never attended before, so space clearly wasn't an issue.

I can't for the life of me work out what I've done to offend the host.There had been no conflict, no hostility, no situation I can think of that could possibly have been the cause. And I've never been invited to anything again!

It makes you realise that colleagues often aren't real friends. I now keep them at arm's length, just being civil at work but no effort outside of work.

It is hurtful to be left out if everyone else is invited. It happened to me once and I was hurt and couldn't understand it. I agree it is often the helpful people who this happens to.

Stop taking in the paper for him and let him get on with his own work. He has shown you how much he takes your kindness for granted so stop doing it. Stay professional and polite in the work place with him but stop being extra helpful.

Best wishes to you OP.

I think people are overlooking the fact that both party giver and the OP knew she definitely wouldn’t have been able to attend on grounds of distance!

You’re being unreasonable, OP. There’s no need to so much soul-searching. You say yourself you couldn’t/wouldn’t have gone, as it would have involved driving 30 miles. Presumably he’s the kind of person who just thought, ‘Colleague X definitely won’t be able to come, so there’s no point in inviting her.’

He's not to know that you’re having childhood flashbacks about being excluded, or that you’d have liked an invitation to a colleague’s party that you both knew you couldn’t have attended! People would still be talking about it, and you still wouldn’t have been there, even if he had invited you. I think you need to get past this.

I wouldn't ever expect to be invited to a workmate's house, and always felt awkward if asked. They're workmates, not friends. If it really bothers you then ask him.

I don’t understand how people forget to invite one person. There must have been conversations and addresses passed out or WhatsApp chats.

I once suggested to some co workers that we should go on a Christmas train to a city for the day, they were really enthusiastic.
Another colleague came up to me one day and asked what I was doing in work and why I wasn’t on the Christmas train with the other 3 colleagues.
Work colleagues can be nice as pie to your face and yet not see you as someone to socialise with.

If your colleague asks where his paper is today tell him it’s with your invite to his house warming, wherever that may be.

Please ask him and update the thread.

I definitely think he forgot to officially invite you, hopefully he has realised since.

You come across as a very friendly helpful colleague, I can't think of anything else as a reason for no invitation.

I would be upset too. 💐

I don't understand why some posters don't get it. Being left out is horrible.

It reminds me of the threads where one child is left out of whole class parties.

It's mean.

I’ve noticed on here it’s always the most helpful people who get shit on. Stop the newspapers and leave him to get on with his own work.

He had all of last week and even Friday afternoon to give you the details.

I'd ask. Honestly I would.

"Hey I was upset not to get an invite, was there a reason?"

I think you need to ask him when you next see him

30 miles is nothing.
Nobody mentioned you not being there?

Co-worker
Not a friend
Not a relative
Co-worker
Are you 100% confident that every other co-worker was invited and that your omission was deliberate?
I don't think picking up a Metro every day means anything, and generally, it doesn't guarantee favour. But your comment is intriguing - what exactly do you think is it that 'you think you haven't got', and how that affects anything. Do you fancy him?

This happened to me several years ago. It was the director's wife (who I knew) who was having a 'big birthday bash'. The director told me to get a posh frock because they were doing a formal event, had hired a venue, everyone in the company was invited. He told me the date.

Everyone got formal written invites. I didn't, so I didn't go. Everyone else did, and I lived locally.

I later found out from the director's mother (who I was friends with), that apparently I wasn't invited because the wife didn't want me to upstage her. I mean, how utterly ridiculous!

So, it may be something as daft as that, OP.

What did he say when he said he would invite you? In my circle that is the invite. (Unless he didn't give date).

Does he know how far away you live? Could it be that he figured you wouldn't come anyway/was anything about distance mentioned when he invited you verbally?

I only ask because I have a friend I didn't invite to a weekend away because she was saving for a trip and had tight finances, and was turning down other social events. So I didn't invite her because I didn't want to put her in a position to have to turn it down, some people can be funny about this. We are still good friends to this day.

YANBU OP I’d be put out too

It’s a bit thoughtless but I wouldn’t dwell on it.
Similar happened to me once, but in couldn’t have gone anyway, but when asked about ‘ ooh, weren’t you there?’ As everyone else was invited, I just said Inwas away. Not a lie, saved some face!

I bet he forgot which isn't good enough.

Did they have a WhatsApp group about the party?

It's a bit confusing
Did he say before he invited people that you'd be invited?
Is it possible "invitations" weren't sent and you took his comment as a "pre invite" when it was the invite?
Did you mention how far away and hard it would be for you between the "pre invite" and actual invites?

Oh wow I'd definitely be asking him 'hey how was the party you didn't invite me to?' Tomorrow!