I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

@user1471867483 - with reference to your longer-term feelings about exclusion, look up rejection-sensitive dysphoria.

Have you commented on the food he eats?

'Wow that's just awful. How rude'

What, to say someone is from South India so has a thick accent, has B.O and 'picks his ears and nose yuk'?

Yes I agree, just awful. I don't know why the op was wondering why they weren't invited to his party tbh.

Wow that's just awful. How rude.

He's obviously got a big problem with you, to invite every single person but you. And to mention that you would be invited and then not to invite you.

I would distance myself from him now. I wouldn't even speak to him unless it's to
do with work and even then it would be minimal.

Yup. I think it’s very obvious OP has in some way made her distaste known. This man rightfully did not want this person inside his new home, where his accent, food, and whatever particular smells he chooses are King.

If I had seen a colleague turn their nose at my home cooked lunch and I knew I was serving that cuisine at my party, I likely wouldn’t invite them either. Why have someone drive for 30 miles to judge you when you already get it free every day with your paper 😏

And it seems now he has a "thick accent" as well....

Curiouser and curiouser...🤔

It's relevant to a pp's question about why he might be inviting colleagues to a housewarming, if he didn't grow up in the UK and hence doesn't have a lot of childhood friends and family around.

OP, this is getting ever more mysterious. Now you suddenly actively dislike this man, he has BO and picks his nose and ears, and you're still massively pissed off a man you don't like didn't invite you to a party you weren't going to be able to go to. Think about it. What is really bothering you so much about this situation?

Yes one wonders how he'd know the op wouldn't like the food. Unless she'd mentioned it previously of course, which would explain things.

Have you asked any colleagues op for their take on your exclusion from this man's party. The man with the thick accent who has BO and picks his ears and nose?

Hm. OP ignoring pertinent questions again.

Tbh, sometimes people just aren’t the right vibe for your party. You can be upset by it, but it is what it is.

Oh dear...
Have you ever made any comments about not liking Indian Cuisine OP?

Wow, that's awful. I can't believe he laughed?! Just do your job and no more pleasantries I.e. favours/overtime/newspaper.

Maybe he's picked up on your 'yuk' feelings for him? What with his 'very thick accent' too. Do you think you may have been giving off some negative vibes?

If not, then yes it is very unpleasant to exclude one member of staff. Ask the others, you may get some clues.

Have you ever made any comments re his food? You have taken the time to mention his BO to us, as well as his race, which gives me plausible suspicions. Perhaps without realising it you’ve been guilty of one or two microaggressions. Any comments made to him, or others that were then relayed to him, re food and smells could rightfully be taken very personally.

Wow - sorry to hear this OP

This happened to me 6 years sgo

I don’t care now because s lot of good has happened in the interim but not nice at the time

How. Were. The. Invites. Sent?

It's not a hard question to answer.

Did you say "Oh that's a lovely idea, I probably won't make it because I live so far away", did you say "what a lovely idea" in a way that sounded sarcastic, did you mention the distance at all (even in a way that wasn't related like moaning about travelling to work) which might make it seem like you wouldn't travel?

He's not in so not picking up the free paper of the train isn't punishing him and if you stop helping him at work you're likely the be the one in trouble.

"Jag has been having bad feedback recently from his calls and when we spoke to him he said you used to help him but now you've stopped. That's rather unprofessional and you need to help him again. Why did you stop?"
"Oh because he didn't invite me to the housewarming I had already said would be too far for me to travel to"

In which case I'd be thanking my lucky stars he didn't invite me 🙏🏾😬.
Imagine having to spend the afternoon saying, 'no thank you' ☹️.

And the very fact OP is retracting the most basic assistance when customers don’t understand this colleague (which seems like, idk, a basic part of her job?) as well as checks notes a free newspaper..? Confirms OP views friendship as transactional. It’s not genuine at all.

Couple it with how she unkindly described this man when someone suggested she might have romantic interest. What was it, you’d know I don’t if you saw him - he has BO etc..

Maybe OP should consider she isn’t coming across as friendly, kind or genuine as she’d like to think and maybe that’s why he didn’t want her there.

IMO the issue here isn't not getting an invite but being told she was getting one and then him not following through.

So now OP knows that the guy is unreliable she can bear that in mind for the future.

Him being from South India is irrelevant.

Well, the OP says he’s from southern India, so he presumably doesn’t have the same numbers of longterm friends as someone who’d grown up in the UK? Or maybe it’s normal to invite colleagues to a housewarming where he’s from? Or the workplace is small, so it was a matter of issuing a token invitation to a few people.

He’s a colleague. I’d hate to have to invite a colleague to my house because I felt I had to.

She never had to do it in the first place to be honest. Friendship doesn’t work like that, it’s not transactional.