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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how many kids you have, their age, and how many hours you work a week?

216 replies

TemporaryPosition · 10/02/2025 08:34

I'm curious how normal it is to work full time, 40+ hours a week with kids. I feel like everyone's life would be so much better if I did even just one day less. What do you do for an evening meal? I find this hardest and spend a fortune on convenience food (not take aways, but super easy comfort food) for the family. Does it matter if its a career? As in its worth it because it will pay off long term or if its just a job and you simply need to.

Aibu unreasonable to try and work out what is normal?

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princesspeppax · 11/02/2025 13:37

I have 3 kids, 10,8,4 one who has ASN. I work 10 hours a week over 2 days and study part time 2 days a week. Also volunteer one evening a week but its unpaid so not sure if you'd count that !

TrixieFatell · 11/02/2025 10:48

Three children and currently work 30 hours over three days. It's a nice balance for me. I have two days for catching up on house stuff and can attend school events without having to take a day off.

Edited to add DH self employed, works all week but usually home for 3pm so he cooks all the meals. We all help with housework, so every day we have an hour where we reach take a room to tidy.

Renovationhell · 11/02/2025 10:43

3 DC

8
2
1

Work 28 hours

Pinkpillow7 · 11/02/2025 10:42

Thedownstream · 11/02/2025 08:03

Thanks. Nice to have a stranger laying on the guilt to a mum just doing her best 🙄.

If letting your kids live in a tip/ messy hole (your words) with a poor diet is doing your best then you need to seriously re evaluate @Thedownstream

Thedownstream · 11/02/2025 08:03

Pinkpillow7 · 11/02/2025 06:58

@Thedownstream life is too short to live like this. Your poor children

Thanks. Nice to have a stranger laying on the guilt to a mum just doing her best 🙄.

Pinkpillow7 · 11/02/2025 06:58

Thedownstream · 10/02/2025 22:23

I wonder if we work for the same American company 🤔…

3 kids here, 9, 5 and 2. I work 4 days, 2 of those WFH. I often do meetings in the evening as we’re a global company.

It barely hangs together to be honest and that’s only because DH’s work is so flexible. House is a tip, kids aren’t eating well (hot meal at school but it’s not the most nutritious menu), sandwiches at afterschool club or at home. I sometimes batch cook at the weekend to try to at least give them one home cooked meal per day on Saturday and Sunday. DH and I live off ready meals as we’re too exhausted to cook once they’re in bed.

I’m planning on staying 4 days once 2 year old is in school. I’m hoping to use those 6 child free hours per week to sort the house so we’re not leaving in such a messy hole and to fill the freezer with home cooked food. I’m not sure my sanity working like this will last until then though.

@Thedownstream life is too short to live like this. Your poor children

Thedownstream · 10/02/2025 22:23

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 10/02/2025 09:41

No advice, just solidarity ✊️

Two children: 3 and 1
40 + hours for an amercian company. I'm in office 3/4 days pw

It's hard and i dont know how long we can do it for.

I batch cook and we also instapot/ slow cook if wfh as while CM is amazing she doesnt do dinner (FML) so kids need to be fed as soon as they walk in the door at 5.45/6
Friday is fakeaway night and its prepreped meal.

It's bloody stressful and my job is awful - the company hates women and mothers, we have just had third round of layoffs office and morale is sub basement level.
I just want to crawl in a hole thinking about it tbh and im one of the "lucky" ones so fuck knows how everyone else is coping.

I wonder if we work for the same American company 🤔…

3 kids here, 9, 5 and 2. I work 4 days, 2 of those WFH. I often do meetings in the evening as we’re a global company.

It barely hangs together to be honest and that’s only because DH’s work is so flexible. House is a tip, kids aren’t eating well (hot meal at school but it’s not the most nutritious menu), sandwiches at afterschool club or at home. I sometimes batch cook at the weekend to try to at least give them one home cooked meal per day on Saturday and Sunday. DH and I live off ready meals as we’re too exhausted to cook once they’re in bed.

I’m planning on staying 4 days once 2 year old is in school. I’m hoping to use those 6 child free hours per week to sort the house so we’re not leaving in such a messy hole and to fill the freezer with home cooked food. I’m not sure my sanity working like this will last until then though.

onwards2025 · 10/02/2025 22:15

2 DC in primary school and work full time, 50 hour weeks and sometimes more ...

Since having DC I have tried both having a day off in the week and condensed hours, didn't work for us so back full time

violet173 · 10/02/2025 21:52

Two dc age 3 & 8.

I work 14.5 hours over two days while littlest is in nursery. She starts full time school in September and I was discussing with DH if I should increase my hours. It's a job rather than a career and very flexible which is why I do it but I'm not sure I want to do more. They days I'm at home feel so much more relaxed in the evenings/ mornings rather than rushing to get everyone to work and school and then making dinner in the evening

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 10/02/2025 21:51

Two teens and work about 50 hours a week. DH is the same, so it’s quite hard-going. I worked part-time, or not at all for a bit, until youngest was 7. Thought life would be easier now, but we have constant appointments, phone calls, emails and paperwork to sort for SEN.

DoggoQuestions · 10/02/2025 21:49

4 kids, mixed ages. I work 5 1/2 days a week in office (and more at home). Roughly 60 hours a week.
Always cook from scratch but I enjoy cooking which is probably why I don't find it a struggle.

Finding time to dust/hoover/iron on the other hand...

happypinkskirt · 10/02/2025 21:44

I'm 33, I have an almost16 yr old, 11 year old and a just turned two year old. I work 37 hours per week 😩

Shushquite · 10/02/2025 21:39

I got three under 11. I used to work two, 8hr shifts a week. Now I do three 10hr shifts because my youngest started school and break fast club became an option.

I was married when I did the 16hr a week and after the divorce and my youngest started school things became simpler. Including a big decrease in ds2 tantrums (he has autism). Things are more planned which provides him a routine. He just hates Mondays now.

Mielbee · 10/02/2025 21:33

My DD is 2.5 and I do 28 hours. My DH does 32 so we each have a day with our DD. Many of my mum friends with similar age children also do 4 days a week. The ones that don't, live in London.

PurpleThistle7 · 10/02/2025 21:31

My husband and I have 8/12 year olds and both work full time. I work full time in 4.5 days and he works full time compressed so picks our son up from school twice a week (after school club the other 2 days). My daughter is in high school.

I've always worked full time so don't know any different. It was hard when they were smaller as my husband travelled a lot for work then and we are immigrants so don't have any family support. I was on my own with them a lot and was always rushing to pickup time etc. It's gotten so much easier with hybrid working and them being older and making their own lunches etc. But the evenings are harder as they both do a lot of sports so we are juggling that part now. I'm definitely more tired as I've gotten older too which doesn't help.

Cel77 · 10/02/2025 21:31

Two children, five and nine. I probably work between 21h and 28 h/week as a supply teacher (3 to 4 days) . I've increased my hours since my youngest started Reception but I can work only 3 days/week. I couldn't work full-time as a teacher with kids. It would be the end of me. Hence supply teaching.

Squidtentacles · 10/02/2025 21:26

1 child (plan for 2) who is 3, I work 22.5 hours a week. Worked full time until mortgage was paid off and son came along!

Marble10 · 10/02/2025 21:26

1 child and work 3 days. I don't ever see myself going back to full time, I don't think I'm cut out for it anymore. The difference in money is not worth the inconvenience to our family life.

doweneed · 10/02/2025 21:24

DC is 3 months old. I’m returning to work from maternity leave in autumn and have requested to do 3.5 days in 3. If they decline, I will ask for either 3 or 4 normal days. I haven’t decided which. I don’t want to be at work more than I’m home and because DH works 3 weekends on and 3 off, if I went back full time we’d sometimes go 3 weeks without having a matching day off. There’d be no fun in that.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 10/02/2025 21:22

I do my laundry at 6am or 10pm

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 10/02/2025 21:21

Single parent, 4 kids 15, 12 and 8. I work full time but have recently changed jobs from NHS shifts (needed an au pair for that) and it’s more manageable now, I work 8.30-4.30 officially but can manage my own diary and do some of the documentation etc at home. I worked 50 hr weeks for years but I did have time off in the day when they were at school, now I’m either working or with the kids so although in theory I work less abd irs flexible I feel more burn out

0ohLarLar · 10/02/2025 21:16

Summer holidays are the biggest issue.a lot of childcare provision is 9-3 with no wrap and if you use any time together as a family for holidays you get nowhere near enough time off to cover the rest. We piece it together with a mix of family help, clubs, odd days off, swaps with friends. Its a real pain in the arse. I wish we'd normalise parents actually using the unpaid parental leave they are entitled to - i could afford to use it and it would make life so much easier but work/my boss would be pretty pissed if i requested it.

0ohLarLar · 10/02/2025 21:08

Oh and 32 hrs isn't including extra in evenings or weekends, its contracted hours.

I pay a cleaner once a week. DH works full time and does his share of pickups/drop offs. We each have a couple of days working from home and will run an odd load of laundry. We will stick a casserole etc on during lunch break. We do a lot of meal prep or batch cooking on weekends to save time. We take turns making pack ups in the morning. A couple of days a week the kids eat tea at wraparound.

0ohLarLar · 10/02/2025 20:56

2 primary aged DC. 32 hours (4 days worth).

DottieMoon · 10/02/2025 20:54

I have a 5yr old and a 1yr old. Both myself and DP work full time over 5 days. I would loved to have dropped to 3 even 4 days but we cannot afford to.