My 80 year old DM is a difficult person.
She is my parent but I am not sure I like her much.
She has upset me so many times over the years. She says things without thinking and it makes me uncomfortable. She is even more negative since she got older and wants constant attention. She is always ill with one thing or another but nothing is ever serious. She can’t make any decisions but blames you if you make one for her and it goes wrong. She is hard work. She shouldn’t have to ask me for help as I should know when she needs help. She wants me all the time to solve her loneliness and all her problems. She has always involved me in things that a daughter shouldn’t be involved with, like her rocky marriage and subsequent divorce from my late father. I am her counsellor and best friend.
My DF passed recently after a 6 month struggle and it was horrendous. My DF and I were close but didn’t live in each other’s pockets. He was very independent but we were there for each other when we needed it. During his illness, my DM behaved terribly at times. Everything was still about her even at my poor DF’s bedside. She made inappropriate comments about him and others and I found myself dealing with a very stressful situation whilst trying to deal with DM’s emotions as well.
Now that DF has passed, I am sure she feels that I have more time to look after her. She lives on her own but close by. I have an older sibling but he lives 3 hours drive away. There is only me really as he doesn’t visit very often. She manages well and is independent but she likes to make out like she is really struggling. I am in constant contact and offer to shop, clean etc but she refuses my offers most of the time.
She has told me she wants to move in with me, DH and DD as she needs looking after. We have no room for her and there is no way I would have her living with me. I did get her an apartment in sheltered housing at the top of my road but I knew she would never take it and she made a load of excuses and declined it.
Today she has done it again and I am in bed in tears over her hurtful comments. She told me she has seen a care home where my DB lives and she is looking into how she can move there (she seems to think it’s that easy!). She is fed up with feeling unwell and getting her lunch ready. She wants to be looked after. What really hurt was her saying she wouldn’t move into a care home nearby because I would only visit once a month. “I know you visited your Dad everyday but that was because there was going to be an end in sight”. In other words, I visited because he was going to die. Not because I loved him and wanted to. What an awful thing to say. He only passed in December.
So here I am, in tears yet again.
Just wanted to get it off my chest.