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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling DH he's taking the P

66 replies

yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 20:43

I've name changed because I know SILs on here

AIBU to tell DH he's taking the piss out of me and to sort his shit out?

We are under a lot of stress, a lot! We've have 2 DC and he has 2 from previous marriage. We now have all 4 DC full time and SS involvement so a lot of stuff going on.

This week he's been on AL and out everyday, helping someone do this and someone doing that and just assuming I'll do all school runs which is all 4 in all different schools with all different finishing times and takes about 1hr 20 min to do the round trip and be back home.

The last few days kids have been full on, not naughty but just a lot, he hasn't been home. I told him I'm overwhelmed and he needs to help out. He decided to stay home today to in his words "help me" but he's done fuck all but sit like a miserable fucker on his phone so the kids have all still come to me, I've done all the washing prep the uniform, sort the cat, do the food shop, cook dinner, pack packed lunch's and made sure homework's done. I asked for help and dinner dishing up and his idea was turning his phone off and waiting until I've done everyone's to dish his own.

He's snapped at one of the DC and shouted to loud over nothing so I said let's calm down and leave it; its not a big deal. He turned on me said I'm under estimating him but I've told him before he needs to be aware that sometimes he goes in to harsh with punishments and his reactions don't warrant the punishment but apparently I should just stand there and watch and say nothing but he can fuck right off of he thinks I'm going to let me DC think it's okay to be treated that harshly when they don't deserve it and mum will just watch. We're both in separate rooms atmosphere is awful but AIBU? Should I of handled it different?

OP posts:
Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 09/02/2025 21:11

But you aren't their parent.. Does he let you parent other ways like telling off?

JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 21:10

How old are all the dc?
What hours does he work?

Do you work?

Original poster
yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 21:08

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 09/02/2025 21:04

You need to stop getting things for his dc. Joint money or not. He knows where shops are. Tell him he needs to be making the decisions regarding his own dc and what they need.. Managing 4 alone is shocking. Maybe switch the WiFi off and play ignorant.. He need a bloody good jolt... Or a divorce..

If I only buy things for my DC then he would wonder why I'm purposely excluding them when I know they next X or Y but buy them for my DC and then the children would miss out or go without. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to punish the children but I need him to wake the fuck up and pull his weight

OP posts:
Original poster
yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 21:06

SS wouldn't take them away from him, SS have taken the DC away from their mum and placed them with us which is ridiculously cokplicated

OP posts:
soarklyknobs · 09/02/2025 21:04

Why would SS take HIS DC away from him and give them to you if you split up?

That doesn't make sense unless SS have concerns about him being a danger to children.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 09/02/2025 21:04

You need to stop getting things for his dc. Joint money or not. He knows where shops are. Tell him he needs to be making the decisions regarding his own dc and what they need.. Managing 4 alone is shocking. Maybe switch the WiFi off and play ignorant.. He need a bloody good jolt... Or a divorce..

JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 21:04

yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 21:03

I no there's no legal requirement but he knows I could never make them homeless and I could never leave my DC. They have been through so much and they crave stability, love and regular meals

They wouldn't be homeless. He can rent a flat with them.

Original poster
yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 21:03

I no there's no legal requirement but he knows I could never make them homeless and I could never leave my DC. They have been through so much and they crave stability, love and regular meals

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 21:00

yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 20:57

If I said this he would expect the DC to stay with me in the home due to SS involvement they need stability and he wouldn't have anywhere to take them so it would be very much like I'm the solo parent and he comes and visits and has contact ect

All money is joint money now and he doesn't care what I spend I just miss having my own

Show quote history

There is no legal requirement for you to also take the step kids when you separate. Move out- frankly I'd shock him completely by leaving all 4 dc with him and saying "I'll be here Saturday morning to take my two out for the day" - many a man have done this!

TomatoSandwiches · 09/02/2025 20:57

gamerchick · 09/02/2025 20:54

If you want to stay, tell him you're thinking of leaving him and his first lot of offspring to it and he can be a part time dad to yours.

His reaction will tell you next steps.

Tell him the school runs are his problem tomorrow and for the foreseeable.

Yes, do this, he needs a fucking wake up call.

Original poster
yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 20:57

gamerchick · 09/02/2025 20:54

If you want to stay, tell him you're thinking of leaving him and his first lot of offspring to it and he can be a part time dad to yours.

His reaction will tell you next steps.

Tell him the school runs are his problem tomorrow and for the foreseeable.

If I said this he would expect the DC to stay with me in the home due to SS involvement they need stability and he wouldn't have anywhere to take them so it would be very much like I'm the solo parent and he comes and visits and has contact ect

All money is joint money now and he doesn't care what I spend I just miss having my own

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 20:56

Honestly I'd split. He and his dc can have their own home. You have yours.

gamerchick · 09/02/2025 20:54

If you want to stay, tell him you're thinking of leaving him and his first lot of offspring to it and he can be a part time dad to yours.

His reaction will tell you next steps.

Tell him the school runs are his problem tomorrow and for the foreseeable.

NoSquirrels · 09/02/2025 20:52

Stop paying for things from your money.

Original poster
yourtakingtheP · 09/02/2025 20:50

He says he is grateful and because he's told me he appreciates how much I do that's enough and he's stressed and tired but guess what do am I!

I had to reduce my hours at work and therefore my earnings, he isn't bothered about money but he's a slender I'm a saver so I like having my own account too but it's just being wiped out constantly getting things for 4 DC

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 09/02/2025 20:46

I think you overestimating him. He sounds diabolically shit. Why are you doing everything for his children and he is so ungrateful? Nope. Stop that.