I’ve been working on my self esteem in therapy and have an activity that might help you. The reason people ‘get to you’ is low self esteem, someone who thinks well of themselves can brush off other peoples bullsh*t comments because they have a mental reserve of self esteem and a sense of power and control over their environment that means that what other people think of them does not matter. It all comes from within.
The activity I do is brilliant (and helps me) but you’ve got to keep at it to continuously build your self esteem. It’s from the Thrive programme and I highly recommend the book.
Write down 10 positive things you have done/have happened to you recently. Best if it’s something you’ve accomplished - doesn’t have to be big, sometimes mine are things like ‘painted my nails to make myself feel better’ or ‘went for a walk after work to clear my head’ or ‘read a chapter of my new book before I went to sleep’
For each good experience on your list, ask yourself 3 questions:
What was it that made you feel good?
What would you say to someone else who had done the same?
What have you learned about yourself?
So, for the nail polish example:
‘i painted my nails and it felt good to take time out for myself’
‘id say ‘well done for taking 10mins out for yourself in the day, you deserve it’
‘ive learned that even though I’m busy and feel like I have no time, I can still pamper myself’
Keep the list on your phone and read it at least three times a day, going back over the questions. Take 30secs for each item on the list.
When you have a new item to add to the list, delete the oldest one and add the new one so you always have 10. This might be multiple new things in one day or maybe you don’t have another for a few days (but they don’t have to be big things)
Over time this will build up positive reinforcement about yourself in your head and I’ve found it to be really helpful!