Would this be lilegel by chance

I don't know why you say that. Some parents beat their kids, kill them, allow them to be sexually abused if not sexually abusing them themselves. People starve their kids. Some stepdads want everything for their kids and couldn't care less about older kids who arent theirs and will tell the older kid, especially a challenging teenager, to get out. Some kids have awful home lives.

Didn’t happen

As soon as he gets kicked out, let him come over so u can call Child Protective Services for him and then put him on the line when they answer. Let him deal with them from the get-go. No need for u to get involved, other than as a witness to whatever u've actually witnessed. My dd brought a young girl to our house one day and the girl said she was afraid to go home bcuz her mom was threatening to beat her. After some questioning, I asked the girl if she wanted me to call CPS, and she said yes. I told her ok, but that she was going to have to talk to them bcuz I really didn't have any facts so I didn't feel I should get involved. She agreed. CPS immediately sent someone over. Then, long story short, things turned out not to be as serious as they first sounded and it all got worked out and our families even became friends. So, perhaps try doing that. There shouldn't be any need for the bf to stay overnight at all, or for any animosity to develop between u and his parents.

This definitely needs social services intervention. Be very careful before you get involved. The boy may have deep MH issues, some of which can't easily be sorted, and once he's in your house, he won't be easy to shift.

Why don't his parents want him there? He may be using drugs, he may be more involved which will bring dealers to your door. His parents shouldn't be throwing hhim out so young, but are they taking desperate action to protect their younger child? Be very careful.

Taking a child in like this is not always neutral/commendable. It can mean a saviour complex - my sister in law is like this, always having people down on their luck to stay and then she can't get them to leave....

Who is safeguarding this boy around the girl never mind the girl around the boy? If she gets pregnant he could have a criminal record as a sex offender. He needs to be formally under social services, who will either have words with his parents or have him placed. At his age, if his parents aren't spoken to, he will be kicked out at some point. Better now, when he will get ongoing support post 16 from social services.

Whether or not it is a good idea or appropriate for OP to take him in is one matter...

But he is not a man; he is a child. I know this is MN, where males can seldom do anything right, but he may (or may not) be a very vulnerable boy.

And there's no question of the girl 'taking him in' herself; it would obviously be her mother, who is clearly an adult, taking that responsibility.

The boy may be lying, exaggerating, deflecting anxiety, catastrophising... or he may be telling the truth.

I agree with PP: it's pointless throwing your hands up in shock and exclaiming "But that would be child neglect and they'd get into trouble!" unless you don't believe that social services actually exists - or that, if they do, they just sit around the office with coffee and cake for a nice old chat all day.

There are plenty of people out there - and I can't know just from reading this thread if this boy's parents are like this - who simply do not care one bit about other people, even (some or all of) their own children.

Bluntly, I remember what my teenage boyfriends were like when we spent the evening or day together at one of our houses and there's no way I'd put a child of mine at risk of being constantly pressured to go further than they wanted to in their own home. I understand the perspectives of people who foster and have been fostered on this thread but I just cannot see how this would be in any way appropriate for either child.

Absolutely would not, OP. Hard no, for all the reasons you've been given already. Put your daughter's freedom of choice first and do the right thing, even if you really like the boyfriend and even if she thinks she wants you to let him move in.

Thank you Arran, that means a lot. I think it’s hard for people to understand because they would never do anything like that to their own children, so find it hard to relate to anyone else doing it to theirs. So they like to try and find a ‘reason’ that the child must have done something for the parent to react like that. Especially since the narcissist is often very charming to everyone else, making it even more difficult for anyone else to think that the parent treats the child badly.

One positive that has come out of it is that I know how to treat my children with love and kindness! 💕😀

That's awful.

I can't believe how anyone can seriously say they don't believe a parent would want a child out. I am an adopter and my girls' birth parents did all sorts. People don't seem to realise that not all parents are lovely.

Parents absolutely do do this for no reason. I am the scapegoat child and when I was 16 I vividly remember my mum taking me to the library and telling me that she will write me a letter to give to the council there and then because she is making me homeless and then they can look after me. This was after years of nasty covert abuse that I thought was normal and my dad never knew about. I was a normal hardworking child with no drug / alcohol etc problems. I managed to talk her out of it but if she could have, she’d have had me out of there like a shot.

This was in the 90s when safeguarding didn’t really exist to the extent that it does today. Please contact the school and /or SS today so they can help him, chances are there is more going on under the surface here that’s apparent, especially if the child is the scapegoat and the brother is the golden child (google narcissistic mothers/parents).

Thank God that people like you exist, I wish I had someone like you looking out for me. Bless you for helping. I’m still feeling the effects of the abuse today and I only realised after I had my first baby in my late 20s and got close to my cousin that I realised my upbringing was not at all normal.

Exactly! Talk about put your own child in a difficult situation.

Yes help as in SS involvement and school involvement, but not just love them in,

Even if that caused your own child issues?

Nor is it your place or OPs to become an unofficial foster parent.

Just how many friends of your children have stayed several weeks? Sounds extreme!

@Justalittlehandhold

"Why would you do it? Do you think you could fully financially and emotionally support the child until he’s at least 18? Do you not think it would be pressure on your DD, if she wanted to end the relationship in six months time, if he was living in your spare room?

Do you not think social services is a better option?"

In the short term, to support him whilst stuff is sorted out, absolutely, yes. If it began to be a longer term need then we'd have to look at all the implications, take steps to protect everyone, officially foster or something. I've had friends of my children stay with us for several weeks when their parents were unwell, if you read all the OPs posts you see he spends a lot of time in their house, she feeds him most days etc. He's 14, he's still a child. I'd not turn my back on a child in need.

I presume school know about his situation ? He's clearly a CIN

Why would you do it? Do you think you could fully financially and emotionally support the child until he’s at least 18? Do you not think it would be pressure on your DD, if she wanted to end the relationship in six months time, if he was living in your spare room?

Do you not think social services is a better option?

I didn't see anything that indicated he was going to be 'shacking up' with his girlfriend, just a concerned mum putting a roof over a child's head She even stipulates she has a spare room. If this was one of my children's friends (or bf) and they were known to us and not a nightmare child, I'd definitely do this.

You'd think nobody would kick a 14-year-old out the house to give their sibling a room: but equally you'd think nobody would ever beat their toddler to death, and people do.

Just to add, being a care leaver can bring some important benefits post 16 in particular but you have to have been in the care of the LA for 13 weeks spanning your 16th birthday. Sofa surfing with friends doesn't count. It is much better for this lad's future to get him accommodated officially now.

Nicely OP, give your head a wobble, there is no space for naivety here. You're getting second hand information from a teenager. Being kicked out because your sibling wants your room is highly unlikely. You're absolutely sure he doesn't get fed at home? Are you basing this off him eating at your house? It's not the same thing.

Get your head screwed on, find out the facts, talk to his parents. You're doing your child NO favours by moving in their teenage boyfriend. What if they argue? What if they break up? She gets pregnant? He belongs at his home, or with his own family if he cannot live there. Your child is your priority and do not put them in a position of having a "romantic" partner living with them, as a child. It's a massive amount of emotional pressure, no matter how much they seem "up for it" right now

This^

I wouldn't be moving him in with you - it's much too early for a couple of 14yos to be living together and it would be incredibly difficult to put boundaries in if they're living in the same house. Plus it could put your dd in a really difficult position where she's living with a partner way before she's ready and what if she wanted to break up at some point but couldn't because he was living there. I think you'd really be ramping up the intensity of that relationship at a point where they should just be having fun and figuring out how relationships work.

I'd be protecting her space op and wouldn't be moving him in.

What I would do is report it to the school and to social services. They have a clear duty of care to him at that age and they'll be duty bound to find him suitable accommodation. The parents need to be held accountable for why they're kicking a 14 yo out and not feeding him and the pressure needs to be kept on the right people to secure him all the help and support he's entitled to.

I think you're in a really hard place op and honestly my inclination would never be to leave any child in that situation, but your dd comes first here. There are lots of other ways you can support him while he goes through this process that don't involve him actually living with you, even temporarily.

I'm another that is heartened, but also melancholy that so many think absolutely no parents would kick their kid out for such a weak reason.

Having been that teenager desperate for a safe roof over my head - I'm going to agree on making any such arrangement very limited and get the schools, social services, and any other local services you can find involved. At 14, attaching 'family saving me' or for your DD being a saviour to a romantic relationship is a headfuck that will badly affect decision making.

You could be charged with child neglect if you haven't provided for your child to be safe and looked after. And 14 is a child.

You could be, but enforcing parental responsibility for teenage children has never been much of a priority. Plenty of 14 and 15 year olds have tried to get help from police and others who just declare them 'old enough' to handle their parents not giving a shit - or worse - so kids start looking for help in less appropriate sources. It's why adults who see it need to make that push for those kids to get the help they need.

They absolutely do - step dad wanting room for his kids, fed up with teenager who isn't his, mum mostly interested in keeping her partner happy for example. Not all parents are good parents.