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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not inviting my Dads wife to my wedding?

166 replies

JSS94 · 09/02/2025 19:33

Long long long story short - My dad has been with his wife for 20+ years in which I have not seen/spoken to her since I was of primary school age. I'm now 31 years old.

From what I know this is because she believed myself and my two brothers received preferential treatment to her two daughters (not my dad's daughters). My dad's wife excluded herself from my our side of the family and did not allow me and my brothers to meet our two half siblings she and my dad went on to have until their teenage years.

From what I have heard, my dads wife finds it difficult to keep friends, has fallen out with her own two daughters multiple times and currently one of her daughters refuses to even be in the same room as her due to her own personal reasons.

It's also important to note that myself and two brothers were never invited to my dad and his wife's wedding.

AIBU to not want her there on my big day? My dad had asked that she is invited to 'keep the peace' in his home and even offered the money to pay for her 'per head' cost on the day.

OP posts:
Knackeredmommy · 09/02/2025 19:49

Knackeredmommy · 09/02/2025 19:48

I was ready to say YABU but reading your post, your definitely justified not want her there and your Dad shouldn't be surprised at all.

"you're"

FoxtonFoxton · 09/02/2025 19:49

I wouldn't personally. She clearly doesn't like you, is basically a stranger and didn't want you at her wedding -to your dad! I wouldn't care if my dad didn't come either. I think you've been kind to invite him as it is, considering how he's treated you. Sorry, but he sounds like a shit dad. Fuck his peace at home. He's made his bed.

TooBigForMyBoots · 09/02/2025 19:48

Two questions spring to mind:
What do you think of your relationship with your dad atm?
Are you worried she'll misbehave at your wedding?

Knackeredmommy · 09/02/2025 19:48

I was ready to say YABU but reading your post, your definitely justified not want her there and your Dad shouldn't be surprised at all.

BabyFever246 · 09/02/2025 19:46

Why would she want to come? You said yourself she excludes herself from your side.

If your dad kicks up a fuss remind him you weren't allowed at his wedding to her, neither of them get to insist on her attendance at yours.

Hoardasurass · 09/02/2025 19:45

Have you explained to your dad how his prioritising his wife and her children to the point that you and your siblings were completely excluded from his life and how that made you feel, if not I would and also exactly why you want nothing to do with her nor do you want someone who quite clearly hates you at your wedding.

RobinHeartella · 09/02/2025 19:45

If you weren't invited to theirs I wouldn't invite them to yours.

Where I'm from we take reciprocity as a kind of rule in these things. Keeps it simple

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 09/02/2025 19:45

Not sure why your df gets an invite. He allowed this disgusting behaviour to happen against you. For years I blamed my df's dw.. Then realised df allowed his only dc to be practically abused by his dw.. In- I would like to add- the home my dm and I had lived in long before she came along!
Cheeky fucker indeed..

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 09/02/2025 19:43

She might stop your Dad from going if you don't. I don't blame you though. There was a thread once where someone was told they were incredibly unreasonable not to invite their stepmum but the circumstances were VERY different.

SillySeal · 09/02/2025 19:42

As someone who kept the peace far too much during my own wedding, do as you please. If it will bother you she is there then don't invite her. If I was in your position I wouldn't. The last thing you really want is regrets and I know I have a lot of them surrounding DH family and our wedding.

NoKnit · 09/02/2025 19:42

In fairness I don't think I'd invite my Dad either since he hasn't stood up for you over the years. The whole situation sounds crazy

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 09/02/2025 19:42

Yes definately invite her anyway she is sure not to come.

Lmnop22 · 09/02/2025 19:41

If he’s paying, the only reason you have not to invite her is spite and, although you don’t like her, she’s the person your dad has chosen to be with and you’re a better person than her. So you should invite her and put the ball in her court to refuse the invitation (which she likely will anyway) and then she’s the bad guy and you’re the reasonable one

ExtraOnions · 09/02/2025 19:39

Invite her, she’ll probably choose not to come.

Puts your dad in a tough position otherwise.

steff13 · 09/02/2025 19:37

Will your dad come if you don't invite her?

If you have a good relationship with your dad, I'd probably invite her, as long as there's no chance she'd make some kind of scene. Just to keep the peace.

If you don't have a good relationship with your dad or you do think she'll make a scene, then I wouldn't invite her.

Dror · 09/02/2025 19:36

Why did you father choose to not have you and your siblings at his wedding to 'keep the peace'?

I invited people who don't like me to my wedding when I was young and stupid to 'keep peace' and still regret it. With people so shit there was never any peace to begin with.
Tell your father your are only inviting people who like and/or love you and don't indulge him in any further debate.