Not inviting my Dads wife to my wedding?

Invite a male parental figure who was there for you.

Technically he's not your dad.

Go high and not low. Send the invitation to both and don’t give it any more thought.

Were you planning to invite your half-siblings? Would inviting her mother mean your half-sister wouldn’t come?

They're both vile. I wouldn't invite either of them.

I'd block them both and move on with my life with new DH and his family (assuming they're not as revolting as your actual family). Return any cards etc from "nanny" to sender, or throw them in the bin

I wouldnt invite her. It's obvious the reason she is playing nice now is because she's fell out with most people (inc her own daughter) so now is trying to mopve onto DF's side of the family.

Your 'D'F sounds awful too

YANBU.
Will your dad attend without her? Does that even matter given the backstory?
It's your wedding. Have the people there who matter to you & your soon-to-be DH. Enjoy your day!

I would say no to her to be honest maybe she’s trying more because she wants to be involved with your dc but that would make me more wary she’s using you. If she wasn’t nice to you before why would she be now. Beware of her. Fake is not nice why put your dc through that. She made her bed let her lie in it.

So she's trying to make up for her previous actions.
No point holding grudges, forgive and move on as a family.

@JSS94 my dad wouldn't attend my wedding without his wife. So, he didn't Perhaps she wouldn't attend anyway. Could you put up with her to have your dad there?

It's your day and you should invite the people you really want to be there.
Your father's 'keeping the peace' is his problem - don't make it yours.

No she has earned this. Your DF can chose to come or not. It’s your wedding, if there is one day to ‘do you’ it’s your wedding day ( but stay the right side of bridezilla 😄)

I would not invite her.
But then I'd be extremely upset with my dad if he hadn't let me meet my half siblings! He also stopped you meeting them, which is crazy.

Don't invite her

@JSS94 I had a very similar situation and I did not invite the wife.
i had never met her and I wasn’t invited to my Dad’s wedding.
I was not going to be dictated to about my own wedding. I didn’t care about “keeping the peace”. It was my husband and I’s day and I wasn’t going to invite somebody I didn’t even know.
If he was that worried about “keeping the peace” he would have got you involved with his “new” family a long time ago. He didn’t because it was easier for him that way.
Whatever you decide to do, just have the most amazing wedding! Enjoy everyone second of your day. Xx

Don't invite her and remind him of his wedding when he didn't keep the peace. He is free to come or not. Just invite him.

You could be talking about my dad! His wife was a witch, he passed a few years ago, had a mirror will so she got the lot and I haven't seen her since the wake.

You weren’t invited to your OWN DADS WEDDING because she didn’t want you there? and now your dad wants you to make HIS home life easier?
Nah. They can both get fucked. I’d be tempted not to invite him either tbh!
Dont even feel a single bit of guilt over this op.

My dad had asked that she is invited to 'keep the peace' in his home

This man refused to allow you to meet your half siblings until they were teenagers, so I presume you were never allowed into his home growing up, no weekends with him, no visits for tea with him after school, nothing. Why does he think he has any place to demand anything of you after decades spent being a piss poor excuse of a father and a man?

As for his wife finally deciding she wants to be in your family, I presume she has finally isolated her own children with her behaviour and in a desperate attempt at not publicly appearing as a total weapons-grade arsehole she has glommed on to you and your DC. As soon as she signed that card to your child as "from Nanny" I would have blocked all contact with the pair of them. If they were genuine about repairing this relationship she would start with an apology to her stepkids and your father would start by not placing any expectations on you, both would acknowledge the hurt and harm they have caused not only to you and your brothers but to the relationship betwwen you and your half siblings. I would not have either of these people at your wedding. They can rebuild a relationship with you after the wedding if you all want that, but they don't get to play happy families at your expense.

From experience - keeping the peace is only about your Dad. He wants an easy life. The only peace he is interested in is his own. Not yours.

I wouldn’t invite someone who clearly dislikes me.

I'd be concerned that she would come and cause drama on the day.

I'd be inclined to not invite either of them. They're too much like hard work.
Your Dad didn't invite you to his wedding and got over it. He'll have to get over you doing the same.

It's your wedding and you should invite who you want there and not to 'keep the peace' in someone else's house. I wouldn't even have invited your dad to be honest - he went along with her behaviour. Personally I would not have her there no matter who is paying and if your dad asks why - send him what you have written above.

I wouldn't be inviting either of them. She sounds a nightmare and he's a pathetic excuse for a father.

My dad prioritised his new family over his existing children, much to my step mother's delight. When things started to go south for them, he was keen to be back in my life, but it was too late. I needed a supportive, loving dad when I was little and struggling with divorced parents, school, being a teenager, going to university etc.

By the time I was in my late 20s and he was getting divorced, he was just some guy that I didn't really have that shared history with, so his attempts to insert himself back into my life were tragically pathetic. I didn't need him and what he brought to my life was mostly bad memories and stress rather than love and support. He never understood that he couldn't just 'pause' our relationship while it suited him and then pick it up when he was at a loose end.

All of which is to say that you cannot make up for being shitty to a child once they are an adult - the dynamic is so different once you've demonstrated that your love isn't unconditional, and as the child in that situation, it's understandably hard to muster up any enthusiasm for helping an uninterested parent righting their past wrongs at the expense of your peace of mind.