Are relationships worth it??

This is e acyly how I feel about my 35 year marriage to my husband. That said if god forbid anything happened to him I would not be going out of my way to meet anyone new. OLD can do one.

Also at my age compromise is too challenging and I don’t want to do a load of domestic and emotional labour for somebody else.

This is a “how long is a piece of string” style question. If you have had largely good experiences with relationships and dating then your view will be different to somebody with the opposite experience.

I hate dating. I find it difficult and a slog and then on top of that my experience with relationships has been overall mediocre. So I don’t think they are worth it. As I get older living alone is a worry….but then living with a male partner is something I find very unappealing.

Friends and family with different experiences to mine would have a different view. My mom thinks relationships are the truest form of joy because that has been her experience.

Happily Single.

My parents were pretty happy together, but there was no option not to be, no divorce in Ireland at the time. A culture of traditional male and female roles, very firmly patriarchal society. They both lived very full and seperate lives, didn't share hobbies etc. In later years were more pals. My mother was relieved not to be stuck being a long term carer to an aging husband, my dad died in his 60s, so didn't get to old age. She got many more years, without the burden of dealing with his self enduced ill health, he was a sweet man, but not health conscious.

My 3 siblings are all in traditional marriages, and likely all will stay together, I suspect mostly for financial and practical reasons.

My mum burdened me with looking after my alcoholic /recovering alcoholic dad, it probably has effected me. I think men burden women a lot and women pander for male attention and approval too much. Her own father had his own issues, the girls propped up the men.

I like my independence but it can be boring too. That's up to me to fill my life with hobbies or adventures. I genuinely don't know anyone who is in a relationship that I would want.

I get bored of coupledom, possibly an issue with me. My formative years involved lots of positive business risks, some negative, with parties, pubs, then the secret fighting of bad habits and emotional instability of the recovering alcoholic.

Both parents were emotionally stunted in their own way. Both positive points too.

I’m lucky enough to be in a lovely caring, sharing relationship as well, 40+ years and counting. We were friends before we finally got together, and it might be a bit 🤭, but we do still adore each other, don’t like spending too long apart. We had some proper grown up conversations around the important things for us, finances, sharing tasks, etc…..and we decided not to have children as we both loved our careers. We share hobbies as well, there’s few things that one won’t do without the other trying if they like it…..horse riding, cycling, watching football, dogs, gardening, all sorts of shared likes. I think not having children has made our lives so much easier, we have never regretted it to this day, and have so much time to do exactly what we want to do, together and apart. Our choice I would add, I respect the choices of others.

After 20 years of marriage, relationships are a heaving dumpster of Nope from my happy single vantage point. For all the reasons OP outlines

This sums it up for me too, but again, I'm in a happy and loving marriage, and have been for over 30 years

Definitely if I had my time again I would have remained single. Its stressful being married.

In my experience, no. No relationship has ever made me happier than I am on my own. And I don't see much evidence they make other people happier either.

I came out of a 20yr relationship 2 yrs ago. And am 1000 times happier single.

However, even though I can't see myself in another relationship any time soon. And I'm very jaded from my last relationship which was frankly scaring. There is still a part of me that thinks a good relationship is worth it. Emphasis on the GOOD part. Unfortunately I think there are way more bad relationships than good. I think too many people stay in relationships long pass their sell by date due to chilsren, fear of being alone, finances, fear of starting over...etc

I’m an outlier here because I’ve been married 35 years and despite the odd major disagreement we are quite simply a good fit together. He’s not massively emotional and wouldn’t want long deep conversations about’us’ but I have a lot of female friends who fill that role. And yes, those relationships are worth the effort too.

Out of interest do those of you who prefer single life have a family history of divorced/ separated or unhappy parents? In my own limited experience it does make a difference.

Agency, to make all your decisions for yourself. Not constantly checking what they want first. Pandering to the male ego.

If you live separately then you don't have to mix finances. As for the rest, a relationship doesn't work if it's not both ways. Surely you support each other? As for freedom, freedom to do what?

I completely agree OP. I am fairly newly single, so still trying to navigate through the heartbreak but I know I will be better off once I have.

I feel like men just slow me down. Nearly all the ones I have met have been like big stroppy toddlers with all the tantrums to go with it. I’m sick of having to help them with their issues and never getting anything back, not even any appreciation. I can’t wait until I am a point when I just feel happy being alone and single - and I know it will come

I'm much happier since leaving my husband 2 years ago but I really miss regular sex, even though he was sexually abusive along with the rest of it.

I've had two flings since, and they were both enjoyable but I don't want a boyfriend and very casual sex isn't an option for me because I have had breast cancer and there is a massive ugly scar and a lot of one breast is missing, which means a conversation is necessary before getting down to it, so to speak.

Toxic masculinity
Male entitlement
Women being de facto support props

I can't see myself in anything other than a casual situation ship again. There is no man, or no relationship that I covet.

It depends on the relationship! And on your own personal situation.

I've been married for 21 years. I have only benefited from my relationship, even if I only looked at it from a practical point if view without taking into account affection and companionship. I don't feel that any of your 3 points have affected me negatively in my marriage, and I have certainly overall benefited financially. However, if I were to find myself single for some reason, I'd definitely stay that way. I wouldn't bank on being so lucky a second time!