Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends meeting without me

60 replies

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 14:45

Me and two of my friends used to meet up once in every school holiday with our kids who are the same ages.

Last time in the Christmas holidays I was meant to go but couldn't make it due to work commitments so had to drop out.

I found out yesterday from one of the friends that she is meeting up next week with the kids and the other friend, I acted cool when she told me and said 'oh that will be nice' but deep down I'm a bit hurt and not sure if I'm over reacting but feeling like this?

Part of me feels like messaging the other friend saying 'Hope you have a nice time next week with friend X' just to make a point that I'm aware they are meeting up without me but not sure what this will achieve 😔

AIBU for feeling a bit miffed they haven't asked me this time or should I let it go as obviously we are allowed to meet who we want when we want and don't have to be invited every time and still be friends?

OP posts:
YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 09/02/2025 15:13

How often do you do the arranging when the 3 of you meet up?

Why not just message them and arrange a meet up with them both at a different time?

It's fine for people to meet separately, it's not a personal slight against you, although if you send the PA message then I imagine you wouldn't be meeting up again.

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/02/2025 15:10

I’m sorry to hear this, OP. But you are taking this very personally and the fact that you are considering sending a passive aggressive message gives me some indication of why you might find yourself excluded from social gatherings. I get that you feel hurt, but if you habitually approach friendships with an attitude of grievance and victimhood, people will feel like they have to walk on eggshells not to upset you, and that doesn’t make for a nice atmosphere where people feel like they can relax and be themselves.

Try to consider that they wouldn’t have told you they were meeting if they were trying to keep it a secret from you; it’s just not that big a deal. A group of three doesn’t always have to be a group of three - there is room for individual friendships.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/02/2025 15:08

Do you only ever meet as a 3 and not as a 2?

I'd have just said "oh sounds fun, can we tag along?"

SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2025 15:08

Yeah they probably arranged when they met.

If you want to go, why not just message the friend who told you and say 'hey, nice seeing you at gymnastics, <my child> would love <the cinema> if you're still going? Friday at 5pm wasn't it?'

GrandHighPoohbah · 09/02/2025 15:06

I think as people move on through their lives, they have less energy for organising group social stuff. It probably came from them having a conversation and deciding to meet up. That's simple for them and an end to it, rather than adding other people in. I agree it's a change and can feel exclusive, but you can do the same, especially if your kids don't see each other that much anyway.

CherryBlossom321 · 09/02/2025 15:04

The dynamics are different between two people compared to three, maybe they like to catch up with one another sometimes in a pair? You could organise something and invite them both if you want.

Original poster
CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 15:01

Truth25 · 09/02/2025 14:58

Maybe it was something they planned at the last meet-up that they had?
If you found this out from one friend that means you also met up with one and not the other?

Thanks for replying, I saw the other friend yesterday at a gymnastics competition where both our children go.

OP posts:
Truth25 · 09/02/2025 14:58

Maybe it was something they planned at the last meet-up that they had?
If you found this out from one friend that means you also met up with one and not the other?

Meecrowahvey · 09/02/2025 14:52

Are you 15?!

You need to stop being so immature. People are allowed to meet without you, they don't owe you an explanation nor do they need your permission.

Pippa12 · 09/02/2025 14:47

I wouldn’t send a passive aggressive message. I’d just be honest and ask why you wasn’t invited? It’s hurtful, I would want to know why.

Swipe left for the next trending thread