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Original poster

Friends meeting without me

60 replies

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 14:45

Me and two of my friends used to meet up once in every school holiday with our kids who are the same ages.

Last time in the Christmas holidays I was meant to go but couldn't make it due to work commitments so had to drop out.

I found out yesterday from one of the friends that she is meeting up next week with the kids and the other friend, I acted cool when she told me and said 'oh that will be nice' but deep down I'm a bit hurt and not sure if I'm over reacting but feeling like this?

Part of me feels like messaging the other friend saying 'Hope you have a nice time next week with friend X' just to make a point that I'm aware they are meeting up without me but not sure what this will achieve 😔

AIBU for feeling a bit miffed they haven't asked me this time or should I let it go as obviously we are allowed to meet who we want when we want and don't have to be invited every time and still be friends?

OP posts:
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ruethewhirl · 28/07/2025 13:08

beelegal · 27/07/2025 18:08

Sounds a bit like teenager stuff to me.

Adults are allowed to feel hurt by shit treatment from friends, you know.

beelegal · 27/07/2025 18:08

Sounds a bit like teenager stuff to me.

IsawwhatIsaw · 27/07/2025 18:02

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 20:47

When you say friendships of 3 aren't the best, do you mean the dynamic can be a bit difficult and that it's better having several separate friends where just the two of you meet up? I've always tended ro have one to one friendships..I have been involved in group friendships amd enjoyed them but I'm not a great communicator in groups and tend to be better on a one to one.

Show quote history

I think they can be ok if personalities are balanced. i was in a 3 with a woman who was noisy and dominant, i was excluded from conversations where she and the other woman had previous history.
A 3 that can work is more balanced with no one ending up left out.
But that said, I prefer to meet in a 2

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 23:44

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 14:45

Me and two of my friends used to meet up once in every school holiday with our kids who are the same ages.

Last time in the Christmas holidays I was meant to go but couldn't make it due to work commitments so had to drop out.

I found out yesterday from one of the friends that she is meeting up next week with the kids and the other friend, I acted cool when she told me and said 'oh that will be nice' but deep down I'm a bit hurt and not sure if I'm over reacting but feeling like this?

Part of me feels like messaging the other friend saying 'Hope you have a nice time next week with friend X' just to make a point that I'm aware they are meeting up without me but not sure what this will achieve 😔

AIBU for feeling a bit miffed they haven't asked me this time or should I let it go as obviously we are allowed to meet who we want when we want and don't have to be invited every time and still be friends?

Maybe see what happens going forward. If it happens again then maybe they do mean to exclude you. If they invite you and it carries on as normal then maybe it was just a one off..

converseandjeans · 23/07/2025 23:22

It might be to do with the kids & how well they get on. But yes I can see it seems you are being excluded. Maybe try to instigate a summer meet up - do you have a WhatsApp group?

Laura95167 · 23/07/2025 21:26

Id say oh great, when I would love to be able to come

Daygloboo · 23/07/2025 20:47

IsawwhatIsaw · 09/02/2025 16:36

I think the point was that their meet up was not hidden from you.
FWIW I don’t think friendships of 3 are always the best. I’ve got a couple of these friendships that are ok but have let others go..

When you say friendships of 3 aren't the best, do you mean the dynamic can be a bit difficult and that it's better having several separate friends where just the two of you meet up? I've always tended ro have one to one friendships..I have been involved in group friendships amd enjoyed them but I'm not a great communicator in groups and tend to be better on a one to one.

LightCameraBitchSmile · 22/07/2025 09:51

@Saltandpeppersquid this is from February

Saltandpeppersquid · 22/07/2025 09:49

Whistledown2 · 09/02/2025 19:57

OP some of the posters have not been kind to you here (hardly unusual🙄) so I'd like to agree with others that I think your response (hurt/upset) is normal. You feel sidelined and exclude, whether that was the intent (I'm sure it wasn't) or not, they're your very valid feelings, don't let anyone take them away from you.

I would not send a PA message. I would just arrange in the group for the next holiday meet up, ignoring the one just taken place.

I agree anyone can meet up with anyone and don't need to ask 'permission' but when you're a 'group' who does things together regularly it's a very different dynamic.

I hope things get sorted OP

Totally agree with this thoughtful and considerate post.

Have dignity, remain your usual friendly self and arrange a meet up for all three of you when you have the opportunity.

Good luck!

ValentineValentineV · 09/02/2025 19:59

Maybe they’ve always met up separately as well as you’re 6 times a year get togethers.

Whistledown2 · 09/02/2025 19:57

OP some of the posters have not been kind to you here (hardly unusual🙄) so I'd like to agree with others that I think your response (hurt/upset) is normal. You feel sidelined and exclude, whether that was the intent (I'm sure it wasn't) or not, they're your very valid feelings, don't let anyone take them away from you.

I would not send a PA message. I would just arrange in the group for the next holiday meet up, ignoring the one just taken place.

I agree anyone can meet up with anyone and don't need to ask 'permission' but when you're a 'group' who does things together regularly it's a very different dynamic.

I hope things get sorted OP

winter8090 · 09/02/2025 19:42

CarpetKnees · 09/02/2025 19:16

YABU.

Any individuals from a group can meet with any other individuals. Indeed, as you say you have done.
If you want to see both of these families together, then ask them / put something in the WhatsApp.

Do NOT send that ridiculous passive aggressive comment. You will make yourself look very immature.

Also, remember with friendships, sometimes they evolve. Just because you have met during school holidays over the last couple of years, doesn't mean that is going to continue forever. In fact it is very unlikely to.

Of course they can.

But the point is the OP usually gets invited and this time she's left out.

It's a good point that friendships do evolve.

winter8090 · 09/02/2025 19:38

I've been a similar situation and really understand how upset you are.

I don't think you should mention it. I did. I think it will just cause an atmosphere. If your friends are like mine they will continue to meet and leave you out just to prove the point that they are free to do as they wish (which of course they are)

How about pointing a positive slant on it and suggest that you all get together soon.

Your not alone in feeling how you do.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/02/2025 19:23

How about asking them if they'd like to meet up during half term and suggest a couple of days?
They might ask you to join them, or they might say yes to another meetup with the three of you.
If they just say they haven't time to meet during half term, you have your answer - they don't want to see you as a three, at least at the moment.

CarpetKnees · 09/02/2025 19:16

YABU.

Any individuals from a group can meet with any other individuals. Indeed, as you say you have done.
If you want to see both of these families together, then ask them / put something in the WhatsApp.

Do NOT send that ridiculous passive aggressive comment. You will make yourself look very immature.

Also, remember with friendships, sometimes they evolve. Just because you have met during school holidays over the last couple of years, doesn't mean that is going to continue forever. In fact it is very unlikely to.

JudgeBread · 09/02/2025 19:04

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 17:00

JudgeBread

The only reason she told me about it was because I said 'Have you seen XXX lately?' To which she then replied
'Oh I'm actually seeing her next week'

Ok? I'm not sure why you think that refutes anything I've said, she's not hidden it from you when she very easily could have. Why would she bring it up before you mentioned it? That would be a weird thing to do. She doesn't need to run her social life by you!

You're assuming you've been snubbed without just talking to these people, who are apparently your friends, to arrange your usual meeting together. Stop being passive and take the lead!

Coconutter24 · 09/02/2025 18:44

Have you asked if they’d like to do anything in the holidays or suggest a place to go see if they want to? I wouldn’t mention their meet up and certainly not with a passive aggressive message or you’ll never be invited again

Coconutter24 · 09/02/2025 18:33

SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2025 15:08

Yeah they probably arranged when they met.

If you want to go, why not just message the friend who told you and say 'hey, nice seeing you at gymnastics, <my child> would love <the cinema> if you're still going? Friday at 5pm wasn't it?'

You can’t just invite yourself like that!

Mary46 · 09/02/2025 18:07

I find 3 is tricky dynamics. Yes op it can be hurtful. Are their kids closer. Maybe you could suggest an easter catchup with them.

Overthebow · 09/02/2025 17:35

Why don’t you ask them to meet in the holidays? Just start arranging it yourself.

CandyCane457 · 09/02/2025 17:28

I can understand why this feels a bit hurtful.

Yes, I can see how they easily made the plan when they were last together etc, but I do think there’s something a bit “off” the way the friend you saw recently so openly told you she was seeing your third friend next week but in the same breath DIDNT invite you. Like why did she not say “I’m seeing xyz next week, do you fancy coming along?” I don’t know why she just told you but then didn’t invite you, when it’s an event you’d usually be part of.

Do you ever make the effort to be the one to arrange plans? Do you have a group WhatsApp for the three of you? Could you just message them and ask if they fancy getting together soon?

kitchenplans · 09/02/2025 17:25

CocoBean22 · 09/02/2025 16:13

Thanks for the replies.

For people saying 'so they aren't allowed to see each other when I see one at Gym'

It's not about that, of course we are one or the other separately outside of our group meets.

The point here is this is our 'usual once a school holiday term time group meet up' that they are having on their own.

There's have been occasions when I've seen one and not the other and the other way round but the difference here is that's usually when we all catch up during a half term.

But why are you assuming that their meet up is instead of rather than in addition to the three of you meeting up? It sounds like you want a meet up with all three of you, so you put in the effort organise one? They'll either decline (you know there's something off), accept or open their existing plans up to you to be included.

If you don't ever make the effort to make plans with people, you will find that you end up losing touch and stopping getting invited to things. It's not necessarily malice, just that people tend to reciprocate invitations. So if you never invite/arrange, you end up dropping down their priority list, as they're prioritising return invitations for people who invited them somewhere.

ValentineValentineV · 09/02/2025 17:20

CocoBean22

Had you arranged to see them in the upcoming half term? If you haven’t it’s not too late to if you want to see either or both or both if them .

Crumpleton · 09/02/2025 17:06

You're not being unreasonable to feel a but upset.

TBH if it had of been me that couldn't make the meet up last time I'd have been the first to send a message arranging one for the up coming school holiday.

NoDramaLama55 · 09/02/2025 17:05

Well if you ask them what's happened they will either apologise and invite you along and you'll always know you were never invited in first place and that's a bit awkward or they will shrug and say yes you were not Invited... and nothing moved forward. I just don't see what will be gained from saying anything tbh,