Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

With infidelity, isn't it the lying part that hurts though? I always used the example of a secret gambling addiction or substance use, it's the same as cheating, no better no worse, as the lies and deception are what really hurt, and the fact that you are made to feel that you aren't enough for them.

I don't understand why this wasn't your fault? You put up the boundaries to protect yourself from other people. You certainly can't expect anyone else to take responsibility for that! And having sex with lots of people is a perfectly valid lifestyle. Monogamy is not compulsory.

Au contraire, I love the diversity of opinions on Mumnset.

It would be very interesting to hear from someone who lives in a country where it is illegal and find out how it works in practical terms.
Does it discourage cheating ? How do the police cope with couples just arguing and accusing eachother?

Better for who and why? Women have been advantaged hugely by being able to more easily leave relationships.

It’s horrible how some behave towards others. It’s taken me decades to work out that not everyone is the same. Some are just narcissists with no empathy at all. I wish someone had spelled this out for me around age 10.

I totally get this. I'm not fully over my ex husband betraying me, I have since had issues with trust and question and over think everything, I have this barrier up and I don't think it will ever go down properly.

He was the same said he wouldn't do it to me blah blah blah but he ended up doing it and it was only months after we got married. I feel he stole my big day because actually it was all a lie. They don't understand the damage they do to someone. It destroys you as a whole.

Op betrayal is shit, it fucking hurts. My ex DH lived a double life. I don't hate him now but yeah it's bloody changed me forever, I don't trust anyone 100% anymore, maybe I never should have anyway. With time and distance things become less black and white though.

You didn't but hopefully can see the other angles now.

I'm sorry you're been hurt. I think perhaps you've been too trusting of what someone said about themselves and as others have correctly pointed out, bigging up your own morality is a red flag. It is all a learning curve and you can put this behind you and go on to have better things.

Give it time.

Octavia64 · Today 13:25
It used to be, if you were married

Rather surprisingly adultery was illegal in S Korea until 2015 - i think it was a law brought in during the Korean War when husbands and wives were split up while the man was away fighting.
However I’m not sure how many adulterers were actually prosecuted in recent years.

@Briannaco

If a man cheats, a woman could sue for damages, as he is risking her health by potentially passing on an STI.
Again, stop with the man being the cheat. If we are talking about vegetal cheating the rates are very similar between men and women. Why not say 'if a person cheats' ?

@Briannaco

I think an arranged marriage , where she can't leave, is a bit different to a man shagging round for fun
So you accept all cheating is not the same then. How exactly would this sharia law type penalty account for this?

@BunnyLake

But who is the wronged spouse that you 100% agree should be criminalised? The one who had the affair or the other one who liked to beat up or verbally, financially and emotionally abuse and terrorise the spouse who met someone else?
You must be new around here. This is mumsnet where all cheaters are scum. Where there are no mitigating circumstances and where cheating is the worst crime known to humanity. Close in fact to child abuse.

I have always suspected it's because people know deep in their soul that it could happen to them. Especially people who are no longer sexually involved with their partners. So they vilify cheaters to an abnormal degree compared to almost any other action again person.

The problem is, it’s difficult to prove that a boyfriend cheated but it’s also difficult to prove that he was a “proper” boyfriend, not just someone you were casually seeing.

If a man took offence because you weren’t interested in him, he could go to the police to tell them that he was your boyfriend and you were cheating on him. Or he could just be a loon who believes that you are his girlfriend because you smiled at him in the supermarket (there are nutty people in this world).

It wasn't a serious suggestion

But I do think that (1) our society makes it easy for people to enter relationships and difficult to end them and (2) would better if it were the other way round

I think therapy is the answer to your feelings. There’s some shit people in the world who do some shit things but emotional resilience is built and learnt.

But who is the wronged spouse that you 100% agree should be criminalised? The one who had the affair or the other one who liked to beat up or verbally, financially and emotionally abuse and terrorise the spouse who met someone else?

I believe that is the point of being in a relationship rather than committing to that person by marrying them. Relationship is a relationship. No legal standing. Historically dating is simply a way of finding out if someone is who you want to marry. If someone turns your head then the first person wasn't the one you want to marry and on you move.

I would like it to be far more socially stigmatised though.

Currently being a cheating rat is seen as no big deal.

Can you imagine the length of the contract terms from some parties?

You agree that you will not -

Acknowledge the existence of colleagues
Work in an office with a closed door
Speak regarding anything other than specific work subjects
Converse about music, films, current affairs, cats, dogs, children, hobbies, television, history, education, other colleagues, workload, procedures not directly related to the immediate task at hand
Make eye contact
Smile
Speak pleasantly and politely
Laugh at something funny
Request advice or assistance with work tasks outside the specific remit of the current contract
Acknowledge distress in the other party
Demonstrate any concern for their wellbeing or health
Communicate outside working hours
Communicate inside working hours
Attend work social events
Eat in the staff room
Chat about anything
Signpost to support for abuse and coercive control
Think positive thoughts about a colleague
Wear clothing that the other party deems to be aesthetically pleasing
Maintain standards of bodily hygiene and appearance
Smile at anybody of the opposite or same sex or gender
Allow workmen into the home without permission and supervision of either the spouse or an appointed representative who will not be spoken to under any circumstances
Look at anybody on social media, film, TV, news or of personal acquaintance
Like any posts on social media
Leave the home with washed hair, brushed hair, makeup, nails over 0.1mm long from the nailbed or wear footwear that exposes the toes in any manner, particularly if nail polish is being worn
Remove any body or facial hair
Show any interest in altering body mass index or levels of strength or fitness
Draw attention to oneself in any manner, whether through behaviour, clothing and other adornments or simply my allowing oneself to be observed whilst having a body and personality
Apply for employment outside the home or inside where persons of the opposite or same sex are permitted to contact them
To improve qualification levels
Be outside the home after dusk
Be outside during the day
Fail to return immediately to the home after depositing children at school
To allow a medical professional of any sex or gender to examine or treat any part of the body or speak to them without a trustworthy chaperone holding the specific permission of the spouse

All of these are used as 'reasons' to accuse people of having affairs - the 'emotional affair' label is given where it would probably be sufficient to term it a Thought Crime in many cases (and just batshit coercive control in others).

An anusers' charter.

Yep “theft of consent” I call that.

Agree 100 %

And men too. A sexist comment op.

Were you actually in a relationship with them OP.