Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

@HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear

But how does one "prove" adultery without any reasonable doubt. And what exactly would constitute adultery? Women who are left more often than not suspect an affair but can not prove it. What evidence would be required? And why would married couples deserve more protection from wandering partner's than those who don't have a marriage certificate. I understand that there is a signed contract but unmarried couples often also have shares debts, finances, children.

The abusive behaviour is already (rightly) criminalised.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you cannot legislate against human autonomy and free will. And I think you know that.

@madamweb

Huh? They also have the option of leaving their partner first and then shagging around to their hearts content.
You have very naive and limited understanding of the complexity of people's lives.

Some people don't have the luxury of just 'leaving their partner first'

I also think that we need to really research a new partner before we get with them.

Many men will tell you anything that you want to hear. It's important to know that words mean nothing. Ted bundy was charming.

You've got to do your research on people.

A man asked me out two months ago. He was someone that I had known a couple of years ago as we were in the same group. I had moved away for a couple of years to a different country. Then I moved back to the same country he's in.

He saw on my socials that I had moved back. He sent me a message asking me to go our for a drink.

He said loads of nice things, he said that he'd always liked me but he'd been too nervous to ask me out. That he'd always felt a strong connection to me. All nice things.

I agreed to go out. We were meant to go out on the Friday night. At the last minute he asked could we change it to Saturday night instead. He said there was some family thing he'd forgotten he had to go to.

Instantly I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. I tried to find out a bit of info about him from some mutual acquaintances. This was not easy to do as I had moved away for two years and I didn't know these people closely anymore. You can't just message someone that you haven't seen for two years and say "hey you know david. Is he single?" So I tried to make kind of discreet enquiries.

Through this I found out that david was in a serious relationship and was in fact living with a woman for two years.

I'm really glad i did my research on him

Though criminal action is infeasible I think as a society we could do with thought about we approach this issue with new generations.

When we teach children about right and wrong behaviour is there an argument to ambiguously say to children society views cheating as a 'wrong' although not a criminal act?

I guess religion has to some extent fulfilled this purpose partially for previous eras but we now live in a largely irreligious society do we have to think again about this continual human condition?

I don't think there are any easy answers if any but changing social attitudes about infidelity perhaps may help. I suppose one could argue increased infidelity may linked to sexual liberation with contraception giving more scope and less risk to flings?

I suppose that would solve the overpopulation problem!

They'd be very busy. If it was a capital punishment offence the population would drop to 2 billion.😂

This is insane. You can't make it illegal for consenting adults to have sex.

I agree that in no circumstances should it be illegal for consenting adults to have sex, but would point out that it actually is illegal in the UK for consenting adults to have sex in the form of incest.

While many incestuous relationships are non-consensual and abusive, there are some that are consensual and non-abusive, in which both partners are happy. But the law makes a blanket criminalisation of them all. Which is why I think the law needs changing. No consensual sex (between parties over the age of consent) should be illegal, IMO.

We live in a society that is free from overbearing religious controls, and where would you draw the line?

Would it only be illegal to cheat if you are married?

Would you then make sex outside marriage illegal, because arguably marriage is an enforceable contract that you could rely on for prosecution.

Sex outside marriage would be more difficult to define cheating…. So perhaps we ban contraception to prevent sex outside marriage! You could also ban cohabitation while you are making laws… and as many affairs start in the workplace perhaps consider banning women from them too?

If this doesn’t sound horrifying (which it should) perhaps read the handmaids tale… it makes it clear why religion in laws and politics is very dangerous!

Huh? They also have the option of leaving their partner first and then shagging around to their hearts content.

I agree with you op. It's a type of abuse. Physical and emotional. Not least because you are putting your unwitting partner at risk of STDs.

It's grim behaviour and I don't know why so many people minimise it

I suggest you are not done with therapy if you are here asking if it should be illegal to cheat.

Are those the options?

Staying or cheating?

They could also just…I dunno, end the relationship?

Yes I saw this on her story and agree. I am am not sure that the law would even attempt to prosecute this but I genuinely think lying to override somebody’s consent is sexual assault adjacent.

I do think cheating should be a criminal offence, the trauma it can have on a man or a woman is beyond comprehension. I also believe if a man or woman cheating they should leave the relationship with nothing, there is no and I mean no excuse for cheating the cheater is just filth if you loved someone you wouldn't cheat and if you cheat you can't love them so why be with them.

Sorry but this is just a ridiculous notion! Oh it’s not just women this happens to, do you think women dont cheat? I’m not sure how you think it could be made illegal, would you like a world were you had to stay with someone just because the law said so, and what do you suggest the punishment should be if they did cheat?
I know it hurts to be cheated on and your going through a tough time, but yes, you are definitely being unreasonable, sorry.

If you were introduced to a new female acquaintance who kept telling you how fabulous they were, you'd probably think they were a know-all pain in the backside and give them a wide berth. It's not a bad habit to apply this check to new men too.

Same reason it’s not illegal to lie to someone, be mean to someone, undermine someone, ghost someone, leave someone when it’s going to leave them devastated, insult someone etc etc. The law doesn’t police morals.

Nope. Just no. Making cheating a crime is one of the dafter ideas I've come across on MN. It's painful-even traumatic-to be cheated on. Many, many of us have been through that pain, but I would never support an idea like making it a crime. Imagine having someone in your life who only stayed to avoid a criminal record??!! A surefire recipe for a lifetime of misery. People cannot be controlled in that way.

I suggest you get therapy.

The thing is a huge amount of people would end up as criminals. What about a single person knowingly having an affair with a married person, are both parties criminals or just the married one? Do they both get arrested or just one?

Even though being cheated on is horrible it’s not the only thing that can cause trauma and distress. My ex became an alcoholic and i used to wish that he had just had an affair instead of being a drunk, if I had to choose between the two. I can’t even begin to describe the traumatic affects of having an alcoholic partner is like. Should addiction that devastates families also be illegal?

In an ideal world people would just be good but it’s not an ideal world. Arresting people for lack of integrity isn’t going to make the world an better place or protect us from emotional hurt.

Op has been abused, you could try not being this extreme.

Because the prisons would be overflowing and no room left for the real criminals.