Is 45 too old to have a baby

https://www.advancedfertility.com/patient-education/causes-of-infertility/female-age-eggs

The genetic material in your eggs is very poor by 45, also most women's ability to have a healthy pregnancy and birth.

It really is russian roullette at that age.
While 25 may be relatively young, you can always make money later.

@ARingtoit I mix in similar circles and am regarded as practically a gymslip mum for having had dc1 at 31 - means that I have a completely warped sense of my own age 🤣

In my social circles, having a baby before 35 is considered a sectionable offence. At 45 you're likely to be better educated, better off, and more secure than say 25. Obviously you need to be aware of the risks and take extra good care of yourself so your child doesn't feel that they have to look after you. Good luck!

@PyongyangKipperbang Wow, your life must be very full.
Sounds like fun.

I don’t have anything against young mothers it’s not something I would chose myself because I wanted to travel etc while young. But I can see the benefits.

I've friends on both sides, the big issue for older parent's is support and family connection.

Their DM is older so not in a position to help or enjoy grandchild like she might have in the her 50's/60's.

Also older parents have less healthy time with the children, they could possibly live till 90, less time from future grandchild too.

Most people don't live until 90 and most people have health issues by 65/70.

I don't know about others, from the moment I gave birth, my mindset was to anything to support them. I wasn't young or old 30 and 35 when I had children, my parents died at 70.

I'd like as much time as I can watching them grow

It's also possible to travel and experience things with children.

Life happens and you just get on with it! Bearing in mind that I never had an adult life without kids in it, its my normal.

Having more time to myself is what I am finding hard. Its weird not scheduling my whole day around school runs. In my head, I have to be home by 3, except I dont now, but I still get twitchy if I am out past then! Getting used to it, but when you have either been a child or a parent, with no inbetween, its a hard one to get used to.

I would have done this given enough money. I had easy pregnancies, straightforward births and absolutely love little ones. 49 and can't wait for grandchildren.

You must be made of stronger stuff than me 😂

Sounds like me!

Had eldest unexpectedly at 17, then 2 more in my mid/late twenties, then another 2 early thirties all planned. Had another surprise at 38, so 21 years between eldest and youngest. Eldest is in his thirties and youngest is a teen!

Either have them young and you're free by your forties/fifties and are still young enough ISH to enjoy yourself.

Or wait and have your twenties and thirties as your time to enjoy yourself childfree.

What is absolutely totally crazy to me is those who have children very young, then start all over again in their forties.... therein lies madness.

I know a woman who had a child at 18 and another in her early twenties...then another two in her mid forties. Basically parenting for 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and into her sixties... shudder

You’re right about travelling. In your 40s you can afford to stay in decent hotels and don’t have to carry all your belongings on your back

Just as well because 9 times out of 10 your back is fucked at that age 😆😂🤣

(that was a joke before anyone comes at me saying how unfit someone must be to have a bad back in their 40s blah blah blah)

You don’t have to be rich but you’re going to be better off if you can afford to travel. Nobody would ever choose a hostel. I became a parent at 21 and my travelling started in my 40s when my career was established and I could do it in comfort. Zero regrets.

I could not afford to travel in my twenties.

Not all middle aged people are rich. Lots of people are still on modest incomes, but can't sleep as easily in the hostels they went to when young.

I just think travelling and partying in your 40s is never going to be the same as when carefree in your 20s

You’re right about travelling. In your 40s you can afford to stay in decent hotels and don’t have to carry all your belongings on your back.

I don’t have anything against young mothers it’s not something I would chose myself because I wanted to travel etc while young. But I can see the benefits I have a friend who had all of hers before 24 now she is out the other side , is higher educated than anyone else in our friendship group and has lots of freedom. I just think travelling and partying in your 40s is never going to be the same as when carefree in your 20s but I guess some people have different interests when younger and that’s ok
It does come as a risk having babies later in life though some women conceive with no issues even in their 40s. For me it was a struggle to conceive in my late 30s I feel lucky that I did conceive though. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with having kids in your 40s though it’s definitely going to be a challenge for most people to conceive naturally at 45

I'm 36 and childless. I think if the opportunity to start a family arises for me at 45 I'll go for it. You know what's right for you.

the advice I was given was that a friend or relative turning up and saying "I agreed to take the kids" won't be permitted, social services would whisk the kids off to a children's home for weeks until a court order specifies what's to be done with the kids, potentially not matching your informal agreement with a friend. I recommend anyone getting some advice on this, I had not realised my kids would not just be sent to next of kin immediately.

You are very lucky. I wish I had the same.

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with my child's future resting on a text should the worst happen.

Nor would I.

I am in a different position, both DH and I have very close sibling relationships. I know how lucky our family is to have that security.

Obviously I hope that I won't need their help.

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with my child's future resting on a text should the worst happen.

But unless you have crystal ball, it's impossible to factor this into decision making when having a child. Grandparents can drop dead at the drop of a hat as can any of us. No one simply has any idea how long their parents will be around for. My mums parents were dead when she was a teenager and my only remaining grandparent died when I was 10. My extended family all lived far .away I had a wonderful childhood and don't feel I missed out on anything.

Life isn't black and white and is ever changing. While it's absolutely fine to not want children to base a decision on a set of expectations around grandparents age, the number of siblings and cousins and aunties and uncles there will be for a child seems ridiculous as you have no idea how life will pan out. Some examples are:

Grandparents can become suddenly ill and incapacitated
Grandparents can die suddenly
You can have siblings you fall out with
Siblings that don't want anything to do with nieces and nephews (as it is with my siblings).
Your siblings can move country
Your siblings might not want children themselves or have children with a big age gap from your children
Your own siblings can die
Your own child might not want anything to do with their own siblings, cousins etc.

I work in elderly social care and see family dynamics of all sorts. It's taught me nothing is guaranteed or certain. Have childen because you want them (though in response to the original thread I do feel 45 is too old!) not because there needs to be some sort of exact criteria that will create the perfect childhood for your child.

And if I die, hell would freeze over before I let either of my siblings be responsible for my child. We have close family friends who I would a million per cent prefer to take that role and have said they would do so themselves.

Have you specified this in a will ? PP is right it is important if you have little to no family.
No, text messages. It would no problem.
I will bring the conversation up with her again.

Have you specified this in a will ? PP is right it is important if you have little to no family.