Is 45 too old to have a baby

It is though. Lots of people are grandparents by 45-50. Indeed if you have a baby in your mid-late 40s, most people (in the real world) will think you're their grandparent by the time you take them to school.

That's a fact I'm afraid..

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It is so very fact and circumstance specific. I was nearly 45 when DS was born (our third child; his sisters are 10 and 7 years older). The pregnancy was text book (I did I admit get very tired in the last month). Delivery was the easiest of the 3. There is no discernible difference in my energy levels parenting him than my daughters.

He is now 13 and I am 58 and DH is 57 (might have been different if DH was older again than I). We are fit, active, solvent, fully engaged. To the poster who says they are pretty sure 60 is too old to have a 15 year old; I don’t accept that. That will be us in 2 years time. I cannot see any challenges presenting with him that are harder or so very different than with DD1 and DD2.

I am not advocating it as a life choice for anyone else. But it’s working out beautifully for us.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Caring for elderly or terminally ill parents is hard at any age. I did the latter when very young, and am doing the former now, way before my peers.

If anything keeps me awake at night, it's the worry that my DC will have to care for me or DP in one capacity or another before they're well into middle age. We definitely fell into the 'let's wait until we're comfortably settled' idea, as professionals establishing careers. My midwife notes referred to me as a geriatric mother; I know that's technically any mother over 36, but it's true -my DC will experience me as truly geriatric earlier on in their lives than many of their peers. I feel really bad about it, like I made quite a selfish call all those years ago, and it will now inevitably impact those I love very badly.

Depending where you live you might be financing one child in uni and one in childcare at the same time, then another through uni when close to retirement

My mum was 45 and I was conceived naturally and unexpectedly. I had a lovely childhood and she is still around. She was very fit and active which helped and also very sociable. I went to a private school and I think that made it easier as there were a lot of children who had older parents there. When I was in a state school lots of people including teachers thought she was my grandmother and that was tough but then it was a different era when fewer people had children late.

There have been a few other tough periods. She had cancer when I was a teenager and and my dad was unwell at the same time. I knew they were making plans with relatives incase one didn't make it. I'm now in my 40s with school aged children and I'm caring for her too. She's not been able to be a hands on grandmother but she's delighted to be a granny.

We're very close and she's a great mum but she told me to have children earlier. Looking back she was exhausted and struggling with her physical and mental health at various points. She was fortunate enough to not need to work either and I really think money and support played a big part in her coping with being an older mum.

But this is not the case for all people. Statistically, it's far more likely that serious health problems start to crop up in your 60s. I am happy that your 80 year old neighbor is doing so well, but taking care of children does not "keep her young". She just happens to be in a position where she can still take care of children.

100% this... Couldn't think of anything worse.

I’m 50, I couldn’t imagine running around after a 4 year old, however I’m not you. Have you spoken to any clinics about this?

Yes, it’s too old.

She was unusual. 84 is the median age for women to die in this country.

Yes, especially having a 5 year old at 50.

I dont think 50 is old at all i think at that age you wouldnt want want to do the baby years.
Yes i had a baby young and took a lot of stigma but i wouldnt change it.

Oh for goodness sake,it depends on the people concerned. My neighbour was caring for grandchildren regularly when she was in her 80s. It kept her young & she was amazing.

I would have another at my age of 47 if I could - 45 is not too old IMO

I would’ve said I think it is a bit too old but it’s up to you – then read the follow-up that you already had a 14-year-old, in that case absolutely yes don’t even think about it – totally unfair on your teenager. Be happy with what you have got.

My DH was 43 when we had our DD (I'm 7 years younger), she is very loved, very wanted and he doesn't have any issues with parenting her in terms of energy levels and is a super involved father (she is 9 now). He had 3 children in his 20s with his ex wife and he will say he is probably able to be a calmer and more present parent to their younger sister than he probably was in his 20s.

Edit - just read you already have a child, in which case I would invest your time and energy into working out what is lacking rather than trying to fill it with a second child, I think that's a very different circumstance to a woman who has never had a child.

I am still suffering from dreadful insomnia and I hit menopause 14 years ago.

Sorry but don't be ridiculous,of course your not too old if you can still get pregnant.We had them young & don't regret it cause we are now young (ish😂) Grandparents but there are pros & cons for both decisions. Go for it,you will regret it if you don't 😊

Can't stress this enough!

Being healthy in your 40s in one thing, but a child will typically need 20 to 25 years before they are fully grown.

It's really not fair to see your parents in and out of the hospital in your teens, due to their advanced age.

And anyway - this from @Lyn348 is exactly my thinking:

Having a baby for your 14 year old is insane. You'll potentially have a crying baby keeping them while they're doing their GCSE's, a demanding, tantruming preschooler when they're doing their A-levels.. The huge age gap means they're unlikely to be close as they'll have nothing in common and you eldest will probably be living away from home for much of their siblings growing up years.

I wouldn't do it, I'd absolutely not be willing to be navigating teenage years and uni and possible grandchildren at 60+. And I don't think it's fair on the child either.

I would only do it if I could do it naturally. For me it’s a consideration at this age as dp has not got children. But he is younger. 60 win a teen doesn’t seem that old to me. People live longer etc but no one knows about health implications etc.

I think there's a really big variation in what people can handle at different ages. There are so many variables, some predictable, some not, i.e., do you have other children, caring responsibilities for generation above, illnesses, etc...
For me, I had my child aged 31 and 34, so 45 with a baby feels difficult to imagine.
Had I not had children, well, I can't imagine that either.
We all walk our own paths in life, and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, but as others have said, think carefully about the financials and how you would cope/maybe thrive with a teenager in your 60s.
Good luck x

I think you need to seriously consider the scenario that your 14 year old would not be thrilled at you having another baby. Your time and resources would have to be shared, and given the age gap between them they may not have any real sort of bond.

I think that the only problem I see is not only finding someone else but finding someone else who also wants a child

No issue with getting pregnant at 45 I have one friend who had her 4th at 46 and another who had given up on ivf and decided to embrace the children life. At 50 and the first holiday they had away she ended up pregnant. Both children have no problems and both parents over 60/approaching 70 and look and act no different to the 40+/50+ year olds who are their dc’s peers parents

The only one thing I would do is check out your egg count just incase you need to go for it now with a sperm donor.