Is 45 too old to have a baby

A lot of nasty judgement and supposition on this thread.

I'd go for it, but not to fill a gap in my life.

I had another child at 44 (just turned when I gave birth), this was DC no5. It was a much more difficult pregnancy and birth than I expected (last one being 10 years ago), my blood pressure was all over the place and the nausea was worse than all of them and this was the only birth where I was induced and had an epidural. I wouldn’t have changed a thing though - she is worth every second.

Now I am also thinking of another child at 45 years, but realistically the success rate is 1% - 3% so I am not holding my breath. I would love for my baby to have someone else to grow up with who isn’t 10 years or older.

In my opinion, if you really want another child - go for it. It is your choice after all, but set expectations low. I know I am.

I had my 3 before I was 26, so yes I think 45 is too old. I'm 34 now and so glad I didn't have them now as I don't think I'd cope! It's not my decision though, it's yours.

I was 41 when DD2 was born, she’s now 5 and I think it keeps me with a younger mindset than if I’d had my girls earlier. Both DDs were conceived naturally, although I did have 2 mmc as well.

If you still feel you have the energy to give then don’t let a list of people on MN tell you otherwise!

That said, if you feel you have lots more to give, would you consider fostering or even adopting? That could complete your family with less concern about your current age.

The combination of menopause, elderly parents and a young child is not something I’d enjoy. In addition - do not under estimate how hard it is to parent teens. I could handle another ten newborns right now but not one other teenager.

There are countless threads on here from MNers who expect their DMs to provide childcare so they presumably don’t think it’s too old!

I suggest that what you’re experiencing is a natural surge of maternal hormones as you’re nearing the end of your fertility.

As someone who has just given birth mid 40s it's not "incredibly unlikely to be successful". In fact I was in the hospital ward next to a woman older than me who gave birth the same day.
Midwives were constantly reassuring me that my age was very common these days. The waiting rooms throughout the pregnancy were full of women of all ages.

The potential for "issues" is vastly overstated and exists with younger parents too. Is it statistically more likely? Sure but still not that likely and there's no age that is a guarantee.

There are drawbacks - bodies are older and tireder. Advantages too: you can likely afford the help you couldn't in your 20s. I see plenty of parents in their 20sworking themselves into a frenzy over small things. In your 40s you've matured and are generally far more laid back.

OP it's up to you and how you feel. On mumsnet people are very anti older parents.

Yes. There is a reason why women rarely fall pregnant for the first time naturally at that age. It’s a LOT of strain on our bodies during pregnancy and labour, but it’s also VERY hard work for the next 10-20 years. You will be 60 before they are an adult. It’s not good for you and it’s not fair to the child.

I had my only baby at 45. He is 15 now and I am 61. Like @TheBellsAreRinging I had multiple losses beforehand. Being "in your 60s with a teenager" isn't exactly terrible. I enjoy his company every day and we do loads of things together.

😂

I wouldn't be thinking so much about having a baby and a toddler in your forties...but about the fact that you'll be in your 60s with a a teenager

Absolutely! I had a baby at 24, then another at 32 and the difference is massive in terms of how I’ve felt I’ve “managed”.
Like many PP’s have stated, it probably isn’t the reason you feel your life is lacking.

None of us can predict how our lives will turn out. On balance of how we were doing financially, health etc I think the ideal time for us to have had a baby was 30-35. Unfortunately it took us 8 years to conceive so we were both nearly 40. Both of us are aware that we are older and trying to get fit, strong and eat well.

I get quite emotional about it at times. Having our DC 10 years earlier so I could have 10 extra years with him would be amazing. Life just didn't work out that way. Hopefully we all life long and healthy life's.

Yes it is imo
its more grandparent age
Maybe in your circle it is. I don’t know any grandparents who are 45 at all

You are right, it must be the circles you more in
All my team except me who is over 45 have grand children. My manager at 56 has six grand children, my deputy at 60 has nine grandchildren, the oldest being fourteen. Our principal has four grandchildren and he is forty nine.
Most of my friends around fifty have several grandchildren. These are professional people who have a great career and with the exception of two are still working.

Our friend has bought her grandson up since birth. She is 60 next month, he is fifteen. She is barely coping, trying g to work full timecand deal with his teenage attitude. She us on the verge if asking for social service support.

Thats not true. I am 44 and don't look it. I got to travel and enjoy my 20s and 30s without being tied down. Better to do it earlier in life. So glad I didnt have children young and am not a grandparent already.

I had my one and only at 44 (conceived close to my 44th birthday). Wasn't my choice to leave it that late, I had multiple losses and wasn't sure it would ever happen. It did, natural conception. Yes, risks are much higher, I had lots of scans, NIPT, you name it. He's happy and healthy and I feel so blessed it happened! It hasn't been easy, but it has kept me young (if I may say so). I'm making better choices to stay healthy, losing weight etc. I have to keep fit. :-) As long as you are aware of all the potential risks incl. miscarriage risks, the decision is yours only. I will say though that it will help if you have a caring family and your kid will have cousins etc., so they won't be alone later in life.

I've replied upthread and you've since said you have a 14 year old, , I'd assumed it was about a first .
tbh your single and your 14 year old is coming up to exams & revising etc . A good reason not to have a child .

Also they are coming up to an age where they will need lifts to and from places , often later at night .
Your 14 year old is moving into a new life between child / adult and everything that brings .

That would be a big fat no from me , and being honest with you by saying a little bit selfish .

Autism seems to be more common with older dads.
It is worth noting OP has a teenager already. Parenting a teenager and having a baby is tough anyway, as they are both at very different stages of life, but both need support and help.

45 year olds vary hugely, in terms of health, support, energy levels, fertility, finances etc. There's not one answer which fits every single 45 year old.

On the whole, on average, it's going to be too late for many women.

Please don't OP. My mother was 43, DF was 51 when they had me and it was definitely too old. There's so much research now to suggest that older eggs/sperm have a huge impact on the resultant child's health and well-being that goes way beyond what was previously thought.

I have ASD, ADHD, a neurological disorder, complex MH issues and an eating disorder. I firmly believe the quality of the genetic material my parents provided plays a huge role in this. What's worse, I've passed that faulty genetic material on to my own kids (even though I had my first in my early 20s) because I simply didn't know in time.

I have similar friends, they have never outwardly said it has ruined their lives, I know they find life incredibly difficult. He was 50 and she was 40 when they conceived their first child (who is now 6) and the younger one came along a few years later. The older child has autism and it is suspected that the younger one will be diagnosed the same. They are exhausted and I know the husband really struggles with the exhaustion and has a lot of guilt that being an older father might have contributed to the Austim. Of course, I have no way (and neither do they) of whether this is a valid factor in the diagnosis.

Personally if I hadn't had any children and I was 45 I would do it. No one bats an eye when the dad is in his 40s
Dad's aren't going through the menopause a few years later!
My menopause and health at 59 has been reasonably ok but I'm still shattered and lethargic at times. I wouldn't want to cope with a teenager now, I had enough drama 15 years go when they were going through their GCSe, first relationships, ferrying them round to different sports clubs and then worrying about them when they were old enough to go out drinking.
I deffo wouldn't want to be starting that now at my age!
Mine were easy teens as well!

Maybe in your circle it is. I don’t know any grandparents who are 45 at all.

Physically? Not necessarily too old, no. I had my second at 45 (conceived when I was still 44 though). Is it fair on the child? I don't honestly know and suspect it very much depends on personal circumstances. Mine is 2 now, and apart from needing an emergency c-section it's been plain sailing overall for both of us throughout so far. Right now I think I'm as good and as involved a parent as I would have been 10 or 20 years ago but as I say DC is only 2. How it'll be in 15 years time though I have no idea!